So, I met this guy about two weeks ago. He told me that the last relationship he was in was a year ago. He said he was ready to move on. I took him for his word. He asked me out last Friday night. We went out to eat, but I had to initiate the conversation the whole night. He wouldn't even ask me a question. I even tried to throw the ball into his court by telling him if you have any questions for me then please ask me. He said when he could think of a question he would ask me. Me, being the nice guy paid for dinner when he went to the restroom. He came back from the restroom and was surprised that I paid for the meal. He said "You didn't have to do that. I was going to buy our dinner". I said it was no problem and I didn't mind it. So he said that we could go to the grocery store, and he would buy the wine and we could go back to his place. Again, he fell silent so I initiated the conversation again. We then made out, and did some other things. At the end of it, he said that he wanted to take me out next time, and that he would pay for it. I said that I would like that, but I was honest with him and told him that he needed initiate the conversation next time with me and get to know me. He seemed like he didn't have a problem with that. Today I woke up to a facebook message stating. "Trace. I am so sorry but I am not ready to move on. I am still hung up on the guy from a year ago. I need to work on me, and please forgive me" What am I suppose to say to that? He couldn't have called me on the phone at least and tell me this? He also stated that he thinks I should wait for him. Um, I don't think so.
I say dont bite. Don't give him the satisfaction/ Be thankful this only went on a couple of weeks, you had some 'fun'. He'll come grovelling probably in a few weeks or months with a soppy text or fb message and you can say sorry moved on Also he sounds reaaallly boring, so sounds like you havent missed out on much xx
I'm sorry to say that but I do disagree with you about this guy being a jerk! For me it sounds as he thought that he was over his ex ( or maybe forced himself to go out with another guy = you, because he thought that he should be over his ex after that long time) and then he found out that he wasn't when he was with you. Absolutely human, in my humble opinion. About you paying the meal: you did that voluntarily while he was using the bathroom, he was surprised when he came back. Yes, he should have called you instead of sending you a facebook- message, I do agree with you at this point, but I can imagine how hard it must have been for him to say that. Try to walk in his shoes a little bit!:icon_wink
I see your point, and I wasn't pointing that I paid for the meal to prove a point. I was just stating what happened that night. The thing is I asked him several times are you sure that you are over this guy from a year ago. He reassured him three different times that he was. I told him please be honest with me before we go out on Friday, and he said that he was over him pure and simple. I understand where you are coming from. I have been where he is now, and I understand where he is coming from, because it took me a year to get over a guy, but guess what I didn't go out with anyone or lead anyone on until I was sure that I was over that guy. The other issue is he told me there was going to be a second date. He told me that he liked me on Friday night. I am sorry. I think he is a jerk.
No, please, don't be sorry! Now knowing that you had asked him if he was over the other guy several times plus that you have been where he is now I do understand you much better. He seems to be a bit confused and not so good in understanding himself, it still sucks for you. Hugs!
I totally understand him being confused. I really do, but why lead me on and tell me that there was going to be a second date if there wasn't? Maybe I should have gotten the hint when he wasn't very talkative but I thought he was just nervous. Hell, I was nervous too. I just feel like a fool is all.
At the time he said there was going to be a second date, he may very well have sincerely believed that. People don't all run around with a grand master plan running in their heads at all times. Often they are just confused and conflicted and doing the best they can. After thinking about it/struggling with his feelings for a bit, he may have finally concluded that he still wasn't ready to date again. Also, no need to feel like a fool. These things happen. And it could have been much worse. He could have been wonderfully fun, you could have had a marvelous time and been totally looking forward to not only a second date but maybe it turning into something much more...and then you got the FB message. Think how you'd feel at that point. Todd
Well, guys I have an update. He just sent me another message saying that he knew this wasn't going to work out before our date on Friday. He came clean and said that he didn't want to hurt my feelings before we went out so he kept the date, and then he didn't want to hurt my feelings to my face so he said what he needed to say to my face to "protect" me and he felt like facebook messaging was easier for him
Personally, I think he isn't being a jerk. He was just trying to be nice. While I do think he should take some responsibility here... he doesn't seem malicious.
I didn't say he was malicious. I think being a jerk, and being malicious are totally two different things. Like I said in the post before you posted. He already knew it wasn't going to work out because he admitted it to me. He led me on, thinking there was going to be a second date when he knew there wasn't going to be a second date, and he also admitted that to me, then I am sorry he was being a jerk.
Yeah he's being a her since he actually did have a plan ahead of time Why can't people just be honest
Agree with both sides here. I can understand from OPs position how he would seem like a jerk for making plans and then cancelling them, but I think he would have been more of a jerk if he continued to see you when he knew he wasn't really capable of reciprocating any feelings you have. When you consider the alternative to what he did, he actually made the less jerky choice. Kinda unfair to him since either way he messed up. Seems like an honest mistake that anyone looking to date after a break-up could have made and it seems unfair to call him a jerk just because he put himself into a poor situation. I think he made the right choice. Try to be understanding of that and you should be thankful he was honest with you, even though you had plans with him. Just move on. problem solved.
