Hey everyone, I'm totally confused as to what I should do here. So I went on my third date with Alex last night, and we had dinner and then hung out in my car. The latter was a far better experience - his inhibitions about speaking are generally much lower after a make-out session :icon_wink. Anyways, during dinner there was a lot of silence. I do 99% of the talking, which I don't usually like, as I much prefer talking less than my partner, but anyways, I guess that's how the cookie crumbled. He has good ideas and little stories and thoughts about different things, but he's always so damn afraid that he's going to screw up, and so he seldom talks because of that. I've told him before that it doesn't matter if he gets something wrong, I'll just ask him to rephrase and it's no big deal, and I really do mean that, but I don't think he believes me. He also makes me make all of the decisions, where whenever I ask him a question, he tells me he's fine with whatever I want. He has a tendency of putting me up on this giant pedestal like I'm some sort of gay god and he's a worshipping peasant, which drives me crazy - I really wish he would take charge sometimes. I would rather have a relationship with an actual person than a robot who will do everything I command. Do you guys have any advice on that front?
Not really, no. This is how he is. Let him proceed at his own pace. Keep encouraging him. And keep your dates activity-based. If you're busy bowling or looking at the museum exhibits or whatever, there are fewer opportunities for awkward pauses...and the activity gives you a conversation topic as well. Lex
I think you said he was Chinese. If he knows the language well, you should try learning some yourself and talking to him with that. In that case, he will be the expert while you are the novice. As Nelson Mandela said "If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his language, that goes to his heart."
