Hey guys, I'm literally crying as I write this because I don't know what the hell I want. I don't know anything. All I know is that I just want to be in a relationship with a guy who is stable, able to speak English effectively, and will support me. And I would put Alex's score as follows: Stability: 60% English: 30% Supportive: 90% I feel like the language barrier is a huge, huge problem for me and Alex. I can't effectively communicate with him verbally, and I need to be able to do that. But I really do like him as a person, and I certainly don't want to hurt him. Oh, and he's also totally and completely submissive to me, but I really want him to be more dominant and confidant - I just don't know how to get that to happen. The other thing is that he gave me a pendant that is half of the yin-yang symbol and fits perfectly with the other half that he wears. I think that's really sweet, and he asked me if I thought it was too soon, so like an idiot I said no. In reality, it was far too soon for that, and I'm not at a point where I want to call him my boyfriend yet - we're simply not that far along. Oh, and he gave me a bouquet a beautiful roses. I definitely can't do anything when it's just before his birthday. I promised that I'd go out with him on Sunday for his 19th birthday, and I can't break that. I think I might want to break up with him, but I just don't know. I'm so confused. I don't know what the hell to do. Help.
Well it's difficult to be dominant and confident when you're on your guard not to mess up your speech and say something stupid... My immediate thought is what language does he speak and do you know any of it... I'm sorry that has very little to do with your actual problem for the moment.
My only thoughts are that you could perhaps encourage him to improve his English by improving your chinese, but I realise that isn't exactly something you necessarily want to plunge yourself into when you're in a relationship you're not completely sure about. Rather than trying to do this the almost scientific way, how much do you actually LIKE the guy? Is it enough to consider doing something like the above in the future?
If I'm thinking correctly one of your first threads was that this guy is a little on the clingy side and we're advised to not go for it for such and such reasons. I'm not saying it to rub it in your face or anything but just to take this as a lesson learned and if you get bad vibes then don't go for it, even if it's a pity date or anything like that. To me it sounds like he is really not your type right now and it doesn't seem like improving anytime soon, I would personally cut it off as soon as you can but don't stay with him because you're afraid to hurt his feelings, break ups hurt feelings there's no avoiding it. That said if you really truly and honestly feel like this can keep going and it'll get better, then by all means do so. But don't lie to yourself
@ElliaOtaku: I honestly don't know the answer to that question, mainly because it's really hard to get to know him when he doesn't know English very well. @stumble_along: I won't hold that against you because you're totally right, I should've known - it was a bad call, and I guess I'm paying the consequences. I agree, I think it's time. But I really don't want to hurt him. And his birthday is on Sunday. I don't want him to have to associate his birthday with his first breakup for the rest of his life. So I don't know what to do on that front.
I don't know, can't the break up wait for a week longer? You seemed to make up you mind. Have you two talked about? Have you told him why you didn't feel OK in the relationship? Did you give him a change to work on your relationship? In every relationship there will be something you will not like. Relationship is about compromise and working on the differences. It's up to you if you want to work on it of if you don't see the reason why it should work in this case. But I wouldn't break up with him on his birthday. Definitely not. ---------- Post added 16th Jan 2014 at 07:54 PM ---------- You know, I don't know the background, but if the language barrier is the main problem and you cherish support in a relationship, you should consider learning his language. At least something. To support him...
Okay because I'm a soft heart too I want to say to wait till after the birthday, but in reality if you break up with him give or take a month within his birthday he's probably going to remember it like that anyway unless theres a big holiday coming up. We humans also use our birthdays or any significant events as a time landmark if you get what I'm saying.
how do you enter a relationship with someone whom you can't carry a conversation with in the first place? not bein snarky here, just genuinely curious.
If your not sure let him know. It's better to do it sooner than later. Don't string someone along you are unsure of. Just tell him you feel that you aren't feeling as intense as he is about the relationship and that is scaring you because you tend to take things slower and though you like him, you'd prefer him to go at the same pace as you. I mean if he can't understand that than maybe he needs to go back to ESL.
Hey again guys, First of all, I want to thank all of you on EC who respond to my numerous threads. I've posted so many things on here looking for advice throughout the past half year, and you've all been super supportive, so thank you. I think today was an example of me being panicky when things get tough. The more I think about it, the more I realize that I don't really want to break up with him. He's one of the few people in the whole world who understands me and puts up with all my eccentricities and idiosyncrasies that most guys just run away from. He treats me like I'm a rare pink diamond set in platinum, and I personally don't even know how he can stand me, haha. I've come to a realization of what our relationship actually is and what it is not. It's not a verbal relationship. It's more based on body language, touch, intimacy, and closeness. When I ask myself what my favourite thing about him is, the answer is always just leaning on him and being close to him. Just a side note to this too is that he's the first guy who could turn me on in under five minutes, haha. I also remember that our mini-golf date was way more fun than our dinner date, so I think activities for dates are the best thing for us. It gives us something to talk about too. I'll post another thread asking for ideas. So yes, he's clingy. Yes, he has low self-esteem. Yes, he has an inferiority complex. Yes, he moves too fast. But all of those things are things that we can work on, and he at the very least deserves a chance.
Haha, I just responded to your other thread saying maybe you should learn some Chinese. From reading this thread, you definitely should consider it. Yes it's hard, but if you're a pre-med student, you should know that hard things often give greater rewards.
