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How do most openly gay guys feel about dating someone in the colset?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by TF2master, Jan 16, 2014.

  1. TF2master

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    I have a crush on an openly gay guy and was wondering how most open guys feel about dating closeted guys?
     
  2. Mogget

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    It depends on how closeted he is, but I have to say that I wouldn't be very happy about it. There are two reasons for this.

    The first is that if I'm dating someone I want to integrate him into my life, and that means introducing him to my friends and eventually my family as my boyfriend. It means going places and doing things as a couple (though probably with very little PDA).

    The second, and more important, reason is that I don't think that dating while in the closet is healthy. When you date someone, he becomes a significant part of your life, and hiding that part from your friends and family is emotionally draining. On top of that, your friends aren't able to warn you if something about the guy, or the relationship, seems off or abusive to them. Finally, when the relationship ends, you have very little in the way of support from your friends and family, so you end up trying to move through the break-up and its aftermath on your own, which isn't healthy.
     
  3. confused1234

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    I agree with most of what Mogget said. I'm very recently "openly gay" and dating a mostly closeted guy. It doesn't bother me all that much, but it does present a few challenges. For example, I would never be able to hang out with him and his friends. (Although he wouldn't mind hanging out with mine.)

    The bigger issue, as Mogget said, is that it's going to be emotionally draining on you. If you're dating an awesome guy, you're going to want to tell people. You're going to want talk about your feelings maybe, but you won't have anyone to do that with.

    But back to actual question: no, I have no problem dating closeted guys. If it turns into something serious though, that might be another story.
     
  4. AKTodd

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    Back when I was single and dating, being closeted would probably have been a deal breaker, at least if the guy had no plans to come out within the following few months, maybe a year tops.

    Exception would probably be if the guy was military back before the DOMA repeal or something equivalent. But that would be about the only acceptable scenario and he'd have to be really freaking awesome in my eyes for that to be considered.

    Todd
     
  5. mbanema

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    A month or so ago I saw someone really cute on one of those "dating" apps and decided to let him know how attractive I think he is. He's a bit younger than me, more attractive, and I'm not out so I figured he'd never give me the time of day, but to my surprise he gave me a very positive response.

    Unfortunately, he was only interested in dating rather than chatting (or even meeting up just as a friend) and I felt obligated to turn him down which absolutely sucked because I really got a great vibe from him. I just felt that it wouldn't be fair to him or to myself to date while I'm in the closet.

    I'll be honest, I've second-guessed myself a few times, but deep down I think I made the right decision. I think I would feel incredibly guilty about "hiding" him and he would be uncomfortable being someone else's secret, especially after being brave enough to come out himself. I'd also hate to eventually come out to my parents later and tell them I've actually been in this relationship with someone all this time and keeping it from them. I know that's obviously getting far ahead of myself as one date doesn't mean a whole lot and could easily lead to nothing at all, but I don't know, I think too much. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:

    Anyways, if it truly works for both of you then go for it, but I think it's a very difficult situation that will put a lot of stress on your relationship.
     
  6. Saint Otaku

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    Well I'm still partially in the closet, but even I wouldn't feel comfortable dating a guy who can't be honest about himself and I in front of most others.