Hi, kinda new around here and looking for some advice. Ok so I will start at the beginning, I have known since a young age that I had thoughts about guys. My entire life i suppressed those thoughts and concentrated on other things. I frequently went out with my mates drinking and clubbing and just having a good time. While my mates would try and pull girls I would happily just stand at the bar and drink. If they tried to set me up with someone I would always back away and say something like "nah not up for it tonight" . I was happy, or at least I thought I was. That was until was until I started hanging around with a new group of friends and I met one guy, someone I just became really good friends with. Anyway after a while I find out that he is bi. Needless to say I fell for him hard. For the first time in my life I felt something for someone. I want to be with him. I'm pretty sure he knows that i am not straight, but I have never had the courage to tell him directly. So should I tell him and how do I tell him how I feel? I don't want to wreck my friendship with him, but if I don't tell him I feel like I am going to go mad!
You could try to play off of stereotypes to bring it up. A friend of mine keeps doing that, he seems to be trying to instill the fact that he has homosexual attractions into my skull -- so during our extra-curricular drama class yesterday, a boy was reciting a monologue as a gay character, so my friend said somethin' along the lines of "Now THAT was NOT gay enough, and I should know.... because I'm gay." Nice and subtle like that... But yeah, go for it! Truth only hurts the doers of wicked deeds! ^_^
If it's going to drive you crazy to hold it in, then tell him. If he's a good enough friend I think your friendship will survive regardless of whether or not he reciprocates your feelings. I think it's better to regret something you've done than something you haven't done.
Hi thanks for the responses guys . I have tried the sterotype card several times nothing comes of it. Drive me crazy is an understatement I think about him all the time, to the point where I don't know what to do! What the hell would I say to him? And when ?
You need to be direct and just come out to him. If he takes it well, then say you have feelings for him but that you're not sure if he feels the same way, and you don't want to ruin your friendship. Of course, it is possible this revelation may make you two more distant if he doesn't like you, but it's more likely he will either reciprocate or at least understand your emotions.
I agree with what resu said above^. Try coming out to him first and maybe wait awhile before you tell him you have feelings for him.
I kinda am already out to him. A few months back he asked me. While I didn't admit it, I didn't exactly denie it either. Maybe I should just wait and see what happens
What do you mean by not admitting it? Does he know for sure you're gay? IMO, wait and see will only hurt you in the long run. You will be wasting time if he really does like you (he might find someone else), and if he doesn't like you, then you were holding on to false hope.
I am not sure I understand what the issue here is. You are gay, he is bi, you two hang out all the time. What exactly is the problem? First ask him (just to confirm) whether he is involved with anyone at the moment; if he says "no" then just say "would you go out on a date with me?" That will get the conversation started. I don't see why this is going to ruin your friendship, it's not like he is straight. Don't talk about feelings yet, just express the interest of wanting to know him better. Maybe you are just nervous about asking him out, but you are making it sound likere there is alarger problem at work. Don't drown in a glass of water.
Chances are you've probably already twigged on his gaybar anyway. Coming out to him wont be much of a shock I'm sure.
Hey thanks for the responses! Yeah i'm almost certain that he knows, I just to scared to tell him and confirm it. I never really told anyone before. I just cant find the words to say to someone "i'm gay." I'm just stuck.
If you're uncomfortable with the label, you can say "I like guys" or "I'm not interested in women...". Or you can ask him how he knew he was "bi" and when it's your turn, say you're gay.
Thanks for the advice, maybe I could just try saying "I like guys". that does seem a little easier, I think I would still struggle just to say that though. I can say it all day to myself and it doesn't bother me in the slightest. But if I try to say it in front of someone, the words just refuse to come out. I feel like I am just bashing by head against a wall
Don't sweat it. I remember the only time someone directly suspected me of being gay, by asking if I knew about some gay dating app, I didn't want to come out to her. But, I couldn't even bring myself to say the word "gay", and so I just mumbled "I'm not...". I think she could tell I was really embarrassed.
I can definitely relate to how it's sort of uncomfortable to just spit out "I'm gay" to someone. It gets easier with repetition, but I still prefer to use other phrasings. That shouldn't be quite as much a problem to handle. As far as bringing up your feelings for him, instead of going in for the kill and telling him you like him, perhaps try playing a bit coy and saying something along the lines of "you're kinda cute" or something. If he takes it well and reciprocates, you can try pushing a bit further, but no need to rush. Do what you feel comfortable with.
Thanks for all the input on this. anyway, I told him. I asked him to ask me again, I manged to blurt out a yes. Anyway without going into detail he said he didn't feel that way about me. That night we were hanging out at his place, it was kinda late so I stayed over. We shared the bed. I was laying with my back facing him, and I felt him put his arm around me. After a few minutes I turned around, we basically then just ended up in each others arms just holding each other until we fell asleep. Why would this happen if he said he wasn't interested like that, I don't know what to think. I mean he says one thing but then actions say something else.
Tell him he is sending you mixed messages, and if he doesn't understand, give the example you wrote here. He might be unsure of himself, so don't push him too hard.
He probably meant it in an entirely non-sexual way. I'm sure he has empathy for you and understands how hard it was to come out to him, and in a way he wanted to comfort you. I think his message was, "you're still my bro and I love you".
I don't know what sorta way he ment it. It seemed like more than just comfort. also there have been other signs on and off every now and then. Yeah I think he might be unsure of himself, I think I will to tread carefully around this
