I somewhat hate my friends. Please HELP. :(

I never understood why people act like high school is the greatest time in your life. People who say that just never did anything better. People in high school, and just in general, are typically self-absorbed and not very deep. They didn't notice maybe because they were doing their own thing, and needed you to speak up and communicate. Or maybe they wanted to support you but didn't know how.

The truth is that we don't really know the reasons people do things like that. Maybe they struggle in confronting emotions because they had an alcoholic parent. We just don't know. I feel for what you went through, and I know what it is like when you feel like your friends aren't there for you. I'm sorry that happened to you. Truly.

But what you are feeling is resentment. The word comes from a french word which means "to feel again". You had certain expectations they didn't meet and it caused you pain. Now you feel that pain over and over again. The hurt they caused doesn't need to plague you for a life time. You can forgive them when you are ready. Forgiving doesn't mean that you are saying what they did was ok, it means that you no longer hold them to a debt they won't repay. It frees YOU. When we get resentful, we can become bitter and hateful. Don't let them rob you of the happiness you deserve. You know the saying: holding on to anger is like taking poison and hoping the other person dies.

 

Hi, friend!

First I'd like to say that high school wasn't my best time either. I was always depressed until I left home for college. People bullied me a lot and I also suffered from depression, social anxiety, paranoia, insomnia (EXTREME INSOMNIA), general anxiety (Also extreme), etc as well so I can understand where your coming from. Only difference was I had a decent friendgroup and I often avoided my psychologist like the plague (Also my mother didn't like psychologists as did I. Never trusted them.).

Also, I believe you have every right to be angry with your friends. To me, it sounds like they weren't truly friends. It just sounds like they weren't very nice to you. I understand feeling bitter and angry about them not noticing.

I've also had trouble connecting with people so I understand this too. I don't like talking to people. I HATE talking to people in person. It took me three days of working just to ask if I was allowed to get a drink while I work (Even though I saw everyone with drinks, and later found out drinks are free for employees). I think the only reason I have so many friends in person now is due to the fact that I forced myself to join a sorority when I went into college to make friends. I also got my first job my freshmen year of college as well which involved answering phones and helping people at a desk which was a big challenge for me at first. Now I have tons of friends, I know a lot of people. I even got out of my shell a bit and did some acting classes because I always loved theater. I still hate talking to people, but not as much. I'm often able to fake happiness around people now (I don't recommend that though....) I went to events for things I like for example Hetalia cosplay events was a big one for me. I met a lot of people and made a lot of friends that way. I love my friends and new friends to death. I've come a long way. I still have the anxiety and depression, but I've gotten better. I still often feel bitter and sad and angry, and there's honestly I still always think I should just kill myself and give up.

But my life aside, I don't think it's ridiculous to be upset with your friends. My advice to you is to try and see if you can find a good friendgroup, and if it's online that is fine, online friends are still friends, and maybe you can even have skype friends. Make good friends, people who truly care for you and help you out. Maybe even do what I did and put yourself in an uncomfortable group like my sorority or a job like mine or go to some kind of event like a cosplay party thing. That might help get you out of your shell a bit. But take things slowly, I don't advise you to jump headfirst like I did because despite my success I still had a lot of panic attacks because of it. Maybe once you make a good friendgroup you'll feel a little bit better (at least that's how it worked for me.) I am a lot happier than I used to be.

And I'm always here to talk to if you want! We talk all the time. I'm your friend

I'm sorry if my advise doesn't help. If you don't feel comfortable following what I did, then I understand. I wasn't truly comfortable with how I went about things, but I was always told that in order to get better you have to put yourself in more uncomfortable situations so that's what I did.

 

I know all to well that dwelling on your past only makes life seem less bright. I have to wonder if this bitterness you're feeling is towards your friends for not noticing, or because the pain and suffering you experienced even happened in the first place. You have to remember that it was high school. Even the closest of friends can sometimes fail to notice the problems of others, because there are so many problems that they have of their own. High school can be a very stressful place, and for the people who say that high school is suppose to be the best years of a persons life, that means that they must lead some incredibly terrible and depressing lives if that is the best years of their lives. I always felt sorry for people who said and believed that.

Now, would your friends of reacted differently if you would of said something or made it a bit more obvious that you needed them? Probably, but you can't change the past. You can only learn and grow from it. When I was in school, from elementary through the time I graduated from high school, I had to constantly move due to a certain ignorant and poisonous person (and im sure you know who im talking about.) So because of constantly moving all the time. Whenever I would make friends, I would constantly lose them. Most of the time without even getting to say goodbye. Now I have always been good at making friends, even though im more of an introvert, but by the time I made it high school. I was so tired of constantly losing every friend that I had, that I just decided to stick to myself and pretty much be a loner, which only made things worse. Once things settled down and I got tired of always being by myself, and I actually tried to make friends again. I had a really hard time doing that. And if you push your friends away, then things are only going to get worse for you like they did with me.

I think that OuterSpaceACE said it best when he was talking about how you should forgive them. And I know that probably sounds surprising coming from me, because I have a hard time forgiving people myself. I thought I forgave that person I told you about before, but if a person can make me become enraged (very rare btw,) just by hearing the sound of their voice on a phone, I guess that means I haven't really forgiven that person. :lol: Back to what I was saying at the beginning though, the bitterness you feel may just be because you suffered in the first place, and now in an attempt to get revenge on what happened to you, you're attacking the only thing you can see as being even partly responsible.
I could be wrong, but it's doubtful since your blame appears to be misplaced. I hope you don't make the same mistakes I did by sticking to yourself. They may not of been able to help before, but now that you realize this and since you still seem to be having some problems, maybe you should let them in and forgive them even though their honestly not really at fault. I choose to solve my own problems, but that's not really a good choice, or at least it's not for everyone so I wouldn't recommend it. You're not as stubborn as me, so hopefully you'll let your friends in. Im sure they do care about you, but how can they help solve a problem if they don't know it exists. Sorry this is so incredibly long, but hopefully it helped.

Best of luck as always.

 

I have the opposite of your problem I noticed that a few of my friends from high school no longer want to be around to me anymore , I remember they found me on facebook some how years before and we began adding each other but when i talked to one friend he would never answer and when I posted stuff online on his status he would ignore me . When he met me in person he would act like he was all excited to see me and miss me asked me for my phone number and never call and when i called him I would always get the message I started to think maybe he doesn't want to be friends with me anymore and removed him from facebook and stopped calling him . My other friend is starting to reject me the same way as well I'm thinking of letting that friendship go . I know why they are in high school I too did not have a good time I was constantly bullied it was so bad I begged to switch home rooms because there would be a group of kids in homeroom that would bully me every morning I was so scared . I asked the teacher for help and he told " I don't like you so I don't care what they do to you " Home life was worst I was constantly bullied by mom every night . It was so bad that I was scared to go into the living room and would keep myself in my room to stay away from her . I had to stay up til two in the morning sometimes to study because she would decided to have some fun bullying me all night along . I did have good times but high school years were hell . I would tell my friends about my home life not the whole story of how bad it was and some of them would brush it off as a joke some would tell me to just yell at my mom or something just stupid advice . I also use to act crazy in high school just for attention It mostly helped mask my social anxiety I always felt , but I wasn't being my real self I would also play tricks on friends for fun but it would make them mad at me I kinda did it for fun because my home life sucked . As I first entered college my friends noticed a change in my personality I was more calm and less crazy and did not act out for attention , It seemed like they did not like my mature personally per say , I also am not the party time or the wild type and have been ditch by my friends because of this . In high school too I've been ditch by a female friend of mine who thought I wasn't adult enough because I wasn't having sex with boys and still a virgin . But a lot has happened to me that caused me to be depressed then let's just say the year before was the one of the worst years of my life and it's hard to come back from that and be all happy . I learned that high school friends grow part most of the time and personalities change and some friends will not like that . I think the best thing is to make new friends although I was having trouble making new friends at college but at work I have a few friends we just don't hang out outside of work .

any way what i'm getting at is I think it's normal for high school friends to drift apart and if they weren't there for you back then they probably won't be now .
Mine were there for me in high school and let me down when i have needed them the most and they are the same way now . I will still cherish our friendship but I know now that It can never be same as it was back then .
I noticed too as i'm becoming more comfortable with my sexuality that i'm losing friends because of it too one of my female friends is currently ignoring me on the phone .

 

Our situations are very similar. I lived in a smaller city with a lot of homophobia and I could never admit to anyone in high school I was gay because of the fear of being more isolated than I already was and also the fear of being bullied. I had a therapist and support from gay people online or around my community but I lacked the emotional support from friends. My social anxiety was a huge barrier to making new friends and I eventually gave up and dealt with what I had.

For some not all high school is the most worst time for a gay person to deal with. Teenagers can say the most homophobic things and some teachers rather ignore it than do anything about it. I had a special ed class i was in for most the day and most of my friends had disabilities and there was a lot of homophobia to go around in it. I sat there for days thinking why can there be one kid in this class that could possibly understand what I am going through. Of course after school most of my friends who later found out I was gay on face book did not even care anymore and were all cool with it. Much to my amazement.

I barely talk to my friends in high school anymore because we just all live away from each other and it does not bother me anymore cause it is all just apart of my past. I know so many gay guys where their whole high school life is just unknown to them and they developed a whole new circle of friends that are gay or just accept them as gay. I knew a childhood friend who last year I found out he was gay and not for second did I think he was gay. I messaged him after he married his partner and we became somewhat friends again because of what he had in common and the struggle we overcame.

Sorry if I was rambling but that's my story.

 

@stocking
I'm sorry people bullied you so much in high school. Some of these people sound terrible and it was not right what they did to you. In crazy, I was bullied and acted crazy/weird in order for attention in the same sort of way. After that year was over, I told myself I'd never diminish myself like that again to please others. I really feel strongly with this sentence: I will still cherish our friendship but I know now that It can never be same as it was back then . That's how I feel about some of my friendships. :/[/QUOTE]

Yeah