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Just someone to listen

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Numba32013, Jan 19, 2014.

  1. Numba32013

    Regular Member

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    Hi everyone. Not really sure how to go about this. I'm not really an online kind of person. My cell phone doesn't even have internet at all. But I guess I just need to vent to some people who may be or may have been in the same situation I'm in.

    I have been out to my family for over five years now. My friends all know and are all very supportive and my family, while not excited about it, didn't kick me out. The problem is that I was attempting to be patient with them and hoped that eventually they would get over their prejudice, but all it seems to have done is allow them to fall back in denial. They haven't asked me about relationships or personal stuff since I came out, afraid that I would tell them something they don't want to hear. They told me back when they were trying to deny it that I would never be allowed to bring anyone home or on any other family vacations and that if and when I ever got married, they wouldn't be there.

    I always thought that because of that, I would choose to be with whoever I fell in love with and leave them behind. However, when the time came for that choice to be made, my boyfriend broke up with me after I had already skipped christmas dinner and he told me that he never loved me and I was practice. So now, I'm stuck. If I choose to stay with my family and never pursue anyone, then I keep my family but I remain alone. If I go after a guy, and it doesn't work out, then I lose both him and my family. So for now, I am choosing to stick with my family. I even recently broke it off with a really great guy because of this fact. I am lost and have no idea what to do.

    Sorry for the book I've just typed, lol, but I just needed to say all of that. Any words of advice would be greatly appreciated.

    ---------- Post added 19th Jan 2014 at 10:47 PM ----------

    Also, just realized this probably should have been posted over by the blogs. My bad. :3
     
  2. mbanema

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    I'm so sorry to hear that your family has made you feel that way. It really, really sucks that what's supposed to be your strongest support group is causing you so much pain.

    Can I ask when your parents told you that they wouldn't meet your boyfriend, go to your wedding, etc.? I get the impression that this happened around the time you came out several years ago, not recently. If that's the case, what's changed?

    At some point you decided that it was more important to be yourself and pursue happiness than force yourself into the mold that your family wants you to fit into, and I think that was without question the right decision. I know your ex-boyfriend ended up being a jerk (Practice? Who says that?!), but that doesn't mean you have to give up on all guys; there are definitely better ones out there.

    Your family's job is to love and support you unconditionally; if they can't handle that, don't worry about trying to please them because it's just not worth it. Obviously it's easier said than done to eliminate their influence on your life, but you only live once and you owe it to yourself to try and be happy. That doesn't necessarily mean you have to cut them out of your life, but let that be their decision. Do what makes you happy and they can deal with it. Hopefully with time they'll come around and realize their son is more important than how society supposedly sees them, what a few loosely-interpreted bible verses have to say, or whatever it is that's such an obstacle to them. If not, their loss will be bigger than yours.

    I hope everything works out for the best. :frowning2:
     
  3. resu

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    Your family doesn't fully love you if they can't accept who you love. I'm sorry they're in denial, but right now they have no incentive to change because you are letting them dictate how you manage your personal life.

    Ultimately, you need to be independent of your family. That doesn't mean you never talk to them, but you need to be able to live your life freely. No family member can replace a romantic partner.

    I think this is the correct subforum for your topic.
     
  4. TJ

    TJ
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    The people above me are right - you don't have your family's love unless it's unconditional. :frowning2:
    And it's incredibly inconsiderate of them to put you in that tough of a situation.
    I think you should pursue your relationships. Maybe talk to that great guy again. They will treat you better than your family has.

    We're here for you, dude. <3 Glad you vented to us.
     
  5. Numba32013

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    Thanks for the advice guys, I appreciate it. And I certainly agree with what you guys are saying. I guess my only concern is just the whole whether or not the relationship I go for works out. @ mbanema: It was between two and two and a half years. I think that was why them basically just forcing me back into the closet by being in denial, ie my dad saying fag on christmas morning and my mom saying I needed "a girl like that,' hurt me so bad and got me into this mindset. I thought they were making progress. Thanks again for the support y'all. :kiss: