So my only freind who knows that I'm not sure abut my sexuality is blackmailing me in to having sex with her and if I don't continue she will tell everyone I know that I'm not sure who I am. she a nice girl I just think she's lonely and I want every thing to go back to normal between us. please don't think badly of her I've been friends with her for years.
You basically have 3 options here as far as I can see. 1. Blackmailing you into having sex is, as far as I know, a crime. You could treat it as such. (Although I don't imagine you would get much of a response...) 2. You could come out to everyone first, if you are comfortable doing so, then she has nothing on you. 3. You could confront her, and take the risk of her either backing off or telling the world. Any of those sound appealing?
I think SOMEONE knowing is basically unavoidable here unless you are able to convince her that what she is doing is either going to get her into more trouble than she is able to deal with OR that is is completely wrong.
You know if she was lonely, she wouldn't threaten the friendship between you. You should tell her that if she doesn't stop she will not only not have you as a lover, but she will lose you as a friend.
None of that means it's OK to blackmail you into having sex. If she has problems she needs to deal with them, not cause more for somebody else. I realise you don't want to hurt her but this is completely unacceptable behaviour from ANYONE regardless of how many problems they might be experiencing. This isn't the kind of thing you do to someone who is CAUSING your problems let alone someone you are supposed to be friends with.
Sorry, but your friend is a huge bitch. My advice is to call her bluff. Tell her that you'll never speak to her again if she tells a soul. If she is really that lonely, she won't risk losing your friendship. To take it a step further, threaten to tell people that she is blackmailing you for sex. That's way more embarrassing and pathetic than questioning your sexuality, which isn't at all. If you are able to make her see it that way, you will have all the leverage. Honestly, be ruthless. It'll be tough, but it will also give you the best chance of staying in the closet for the moment.
Tell her she needs to find her own identity rather than use you as her double. Molesting you as if she has no self awareness you then, become the victim.. Make sure you tell her you know who you are and can tend to your own needs just as she should...Your only friends and that's that
OK, this "friend" is "fragile", yet manipulative enough to force you to perform an intimate sexual act with her under threat of blackmail. First off, that's a felony. Second, it's incredibly controlling and manipulative. I'd submit that she isn't fragile at all, that she's instead incredibly manipulative and using her so-called "fraglie" state and the threat of blackmail to get what she wants. So there are really three choices here: First is probably just to own your sexual orientation. I know that sounds like a tall order, but this could really be a blessing in disguise. Keeping that part of self hidden takes a huge toll, a lot of energy, creates shame, and in general is a recipe for unhappiness. Nobody likes to be outed, but honestly, sometimes ripping off the band-aid is the best choice. You could, for example, simply go right back to her and say "You know what? I've decided I'm OK with people knowing. However, I'd also be OK with the police knowing that you're committing a felony by blackmailing me. So there are several ways this could go. What would you like to do?" That shifts the power completely back in your hands... provided you don't give into any of her manipulation about how terrible she feels and how awful her emotional state is or whatever. She probably needs help, but the way to get it isn't through manipulation. You could also offer to help her find a therapist and start working on her issues. In any case, I think the most important piece is to take a firm stand for yourself, and not let her continue to manipulate you.
When I was little I was forced to be around my cousin who was three years older than I. She was a mean, torturing, evil shit. She beat me up on a regular basis. She was the master of stealth pain (pinches, pokes, kicks, hair pulling, etc.) She threatened and tortured me for years. The nastiest thing she did still has me terrified of ever having a weak bladder. We would have sleepovers at Grandma's house with my sister and hers. Of course the sisters were older so they got to share a room and I was stuck with Evil Incarnate. I cannot count the times she woke me in the middle of the night to drag me across the bed and press me into her piss where she had wet the bed. She would make me say that it was me that had wet the bed. All of this lovely torture was accompanied by threats of "if you ever tell anyone I will break into your house at night and kill your mom." She would go into detail on how she would get in and exactly what she would do to my mom. She had all the power UNTIL I had enough. A sleepover was proposed and I just started shaking. I was nauseous and actually had chills thinking of having to be alone with my cousin. I told my mom I did not want to go. She told Grandma and Grandma started with "oh but the older girls wont get along with (evil cousin) she has to come." Mom told me that Grandma really wanted me to go to balance out the group and I just started crying. Mom finally got me to tell her why I did not want to go. I GOT THE POWER BACK. When Mom knew what had been happening she stopped me having to go to sleepovers and kept me from being alone with my cousin. I know she talked to Grandma who kept a better eye on us during daytime babysitting. You will be blackmailed, shamed, tortured not just in this relationship but others in your future if you give in to this blackmail. You need to stand up for yourself NOW before it becomes easy to give in. Trust me on this one. Once you take back your power you will feel better, stronger. It will be much easier in the future to stand up for yourself in other circumstances. Don't let this girl start you down a road to self destruction. Please stand up for yourself in some way. BE STRONG!
