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Update on this whole 'crush' thing

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Wat, Jan 20, 2014.

  1. Wat

    Wat
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    Hey, all.

    It's been a while, so I thought I ought to provide an update on the situation with the guy I like, and possibly ask for any further advice or guidance. Here goes.

    We have talked a little more since I first posted about this guy. Since we live in the same dorm building, we often cross paths or one of us might accidentally follow the other to the dorms, which provides us the opportunity for brief conversation once the one notices the other. As nice as it is to get to talk to him in those moments, I tend to feel guilt from them because, intentional or not, whenever I happen to be the one doing the following, it makes me feel like such a stalker even though I know I'm not really doing anything. My main priority is my dorm room, and if he happens to be on the way, that's just a little bonus.

    Admittedly, I have followed him out the door after chorus a couple times, though that was usually because I had planned on attempting to talk to him or invite him to join me for lunch or something, but he was already walking. I don't really pursue him beyond the doorway, as he probably has someplace to be, so I just go off and do whatever on my own.

    There have been a couple times when we've gone to dinner together, though they weren't specifically planned. There was a time when we had both attended an orchestral concert in order to fulfill a requirement for chorus, then decided to grab dinner afterward since we were already together. It went excellently, with a solid conversation going throughout the meal and on the walk back to the dorms, not a dull moment to be found. The second time, just before break, I was eating alone in one of the dining halls and he happened to walk by and see me. He asked if he could join me, as if I would even consider saying no to it.:lol: Once again, we got on quite well, with the conversation coming easily and naturally, and the walk back was just as nice as the last time.

    I missed an opportunity to dine with him again just this past Friday. I was finishing up lunch and went to grab dessert when I noticed he was sitting down to eat not far from where I was. How I wish I would have just went over and asked to join him, but I'm shy to the point that it's ridiculous, even toward people I know and like. Instead I just avoided looking his way, hoping he wouldn't notice me, or notice that I noticed him, and quickly scarfed down my food while occasionally glancing at him. Luckily, he was pretty engrossed in his phone, so no awkward eye contact was made. Still, I left the dining hall feeling stupid and cowardly, and it sort of put a damper on my afternoon and evening.

    My close friend has told me that I really need to step my game up with trying to hang out with him and initiate more conversations, and that maybe I ought to try getting his number. I agree, but of course, I'm once again crazy stupidly shy. It's silly because I realize that we get along well and almost never have any awkward silences or anything like that, yet I get petrified whenever I attempt to reach out, and it seems like it gets worse when I struggle.

    Another little roadblock is that since this whole thing started, I've felt this crush start to wane some. It isn't that I don't like him or anything, but the feelings are less intense and he doesn't have as much of an iron fist on my thoughts anymore. Perhaps it isn't that the crush is fading, but rather I'm figuring out how to compose myself and just be interested in him without turning into a psychotic, lovesick little puppy dog about it.

    I also just feel sort of apprehensive about pursuing much more than just a friendship with him since we're both members of the men's chorus here. Chorus is sort of like a brotherhood, so pursuing a romantic thing within it seems like pretty risky business and I sort of feel like I'm just setting myself up for a massive blowout of some kind, even though this seems like a thoroughly unrequited crush.

    Maybe a lot of this situation is just me getting up inside my own head and making it worse. I don't really know. Still, it's nice to just get this off my chest and hopefully gather some advice on where I am.

    Even if this is just me being ridiculous and it's just a crush that will go away, I really would like to become better friends with him. He's a pretty cool guy even still, and though we might have different tastes in some aspects, we still have quite a bit in common with each other and get along quite well. Maybe someone has some advice on developing this friendship? Or maybe to get that number of his...

    Anyway, thanks for listening and sorry if it got a bit long-winded or if I sounded crazy, haha. This was a stream-of-consciousness sort of thing so I could get it off my mind. I have the tendency to ramble. Thanks again!
     
  2. Wat

    Wat
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    Any advice or insight would be greatly appreciated.
     
  3. Saint Otaku

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    This is adorable! :grin:

    My insight: If he's gay -- you lucky duck! (^_^)
     
  4. anonomous

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    imagine everyone around you with paper bags on their heads, then you will smile and be more confident.
     
  5. Seagypsy

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    It's good if you can ease up on the intensity of a crush before it hurts you, but I'm not any good at easing up on mine....! :wink:
     
  6. Lifesbegun

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    It's hard, but it's always best to try and get the facts, and not wonder about stuff...if you can, talk to him.....
     
  7. mbanema

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    I'm not convinced he's gay based on your post, but you should definitely talk to him. Avoiding him when he was eating alone is definitely a missed opportunity. I know it can be really hard -- you can second guess yourself, wonder if you're coming on too strong, don't want to bother him -- but I think he would have been happy to see you and the more time you can spend with him alone the better.

    As for your crush wearing off a bit, I wouldn't give too much thought to that. It's obvious you still really like him, and I think it's only natural that your feelings might not be quite as intense simply because they're no longer new. I have a feeling if you ever really start to believe you have a chance with him you'll want him more than ever. :slight_smile:

    Regardless, just make an effort to talk to him a little bit more often. As you said, you seem to hit it off really well when you're actually together and at the very least you'd like to be his friend. You can just keep getting to know each other until you get a better read on if he's gay or not, if you think he's into you that way, and whether you'd want to pursue a relationship. It doesn't seem like there's a bad path to take here as long as you don't try to avoid him.
     
  8. Wat

    Wat
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    Luckily, I've already confirmed he's gay, so that's not an obstacle for me. :thumbsup:

    Thanks for the kind words and advice, everyone. It really eases my mind on a lot of the worries I had about this whole situation. Guess all there is left to do now is just step up my game and don't shy away from him. Heck, maybe I might run into him again and grab lunch with him for real this time. There isn't much for me to fear going up to him, so I've just got to snap myself out of it when I feel the shyness kicking in.

    Thanks again!
     
  9. katwat

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    If your shyness keeps being an issue try tricking your mind into "just spending time with a friend" mode. Might lower the stress level and make it more natural? Once initiating conversations and such becomes easier then reset your brain to "pursue hot guy" mode? I know I always got horribly tongue-tied when I liked a guy and when I felt safe that they were no-fly zones then I was okay to talk to them.
     
  10. confused1234

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    I think shyness, in most cases, stems from a fear of rejection or embarrasssment. Look at it this way though: you already know this guy likes you as a friend at the very least. Otherwise he would not have asked to sit with you at lunch. So what are you worried about? Come on man, have some confidence in yourself!

    And I'm certainly not trying to harp on you. I'm also pretty shy, and I have to constantly remind myself to stop worrying and just live life. You can do this :slight_smile:
     
  11. Wat

    Wat
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    Aaaaaaand I did it again. Sat at a table a little ways from the table he was sitting at instead of just asking to join him. We even ran into each other in one of the lines for food and said hello to each other. Then, he was a short distance behind me on the way back to our building complex, so I ended up holding the door for him, where we briefly complained about the cold to each other.

    So close! Haha.

    I almost took the opportunity this time. Not going to beat myself up over it or anything, because shyness is a difficult thing to manage sometimes. I'll get the hang of it soon!