I'm married to a man, but recently I have been questioning whether I'm attracted to him or not. My relationship has some serious problems. I am stuck with an angry, childish, sexist man, and he makes me feel bad about who I am, the music I like, and the things I do on a day to day basis. Normally, I would leave someone who treats me badly, but I feel like it's wrong to just walk out. We've only been married for a year and we have a beautiful daughter. More than that, he doesn't understand what's wrong with the way he treats me. Much of this is communication based, but I can't figure out how to tell him what he's doing wrong. He needs examples, and I don't have any. He just looks down on me, he judges everything I do. I'm not comfortable speaking my mind because he just takes everything so personally! If I don't want to have sex, he gets all offended and his feelings are hurt. Meanwhile, it's 3:00 in the morning and I have to get up with the baby at 8. If I tell him he's the problem in our relationship, and I quit accepting the 50/50 blame bullshit he will NOT take it well, then I have to deal with his pouting and soothe his hurt feelings. He's extremely fragile for how much he deals out to people. I'm just exhausted of bending over backwards for nothing, and since I'm being honest, here, I should be with a woman. I love my husband, but I'm not sure if love is enough to make my queer feelings go away. He isn't all bad, sometimes he's very sweet and attentive, it's just the rest of the time that is the problem. Between being more attracted to women than men, and feeling inadequate and stupid all of the time, I'm not sure if this is going to last.
You should write down your problems as you experience them so you can use them as concrete evidence to him of what's making you so upset. Whatever you do, don't stay in the relationship for the sake of your daughter. It's actually better on children if their parents divorce early than later in life. I can attest to that by personal experience.
I like the idea of keeping a log of his behavior. My memory isn't so awesome when I'm being put on the spot, like he loves to do. When the pressure is on, I stumble, forget what I wanted to say, and he walks all over me. I promise I won't stay just because of my daughter. I'm actually more concerned that I'm going to end up cheating on him to fulfil my emotional needs. I never saw myself as a 'cheater'. I was always adamant about leaving someone before you have sex with someone else because cheating is wrong. But here I am in what feels like an impossible situation, and sometimes I think about looking for a girlfriend. I don't like feeling trapped in my relationship, but it goes against my whole personality to just leave without both parties understanding why and havinhg tried every other option. I'll admit he's very emotionally abusive, but he has no idea that he is, and I'm not sure it's very realistic to expect him to change his whole rude, condescending personality to fix our marriage. I guess I just thought I'd be married to the man I dated, not this other person he's become.
