I have an issue that I'm sure many have had before. I'm young and live in a small community. When I say small, I don't mean like 10,000. I mean like 2,000 people. It might as well be a village. I'm not totally ready to come out, but I've had the strongest urge to start dating, to see if it's really for me. However, I know most gay people my age in the area. Worse, if I was going to date somebody within a hundred mile radius, word about my date would get back to town before I did. Leaving town isn't an option, yet anyway. Has anybody ever experienced this sort of issue? Any help? :help:
I haven't been in your exact situation, but I can relate to some of what you said. I'm also in the closet (mostly) and living at home, so I can't really date anyone right now. It sounds like your only option is a long-distance relationship. I know that isn't the same as having face-to-face interaction with someone, but at some point you can take the relationship to the next level. You mentioned you can't leave town yet. When do you think that will become a possibility?
I grew up in a small town. Any of the lesbian or bi girls who were out were not really options for me. I flirted, a little, but I wasn't into any of them except for one, who wasn't interested in me. I questioned my sexuality, but there's very heavy religion in this area and I was raised to believe it was wrong. So I dated boys and just went about my life, not paying much attention to my 'other' feelings. Now, married, and for the first time realizing consciously that I am more attracted to women that men, I wish I had dated girls. I'm sure I could have tried harder to find a girlfriend, but I was sure that I was just going through a phase. My advice is this: don't wait too long. If you're interested in any of the gays you know, maybe get to know them a little better by just hanging out. No dates or commitment, just friends first. That way if word gets around you don't have to come out to anybody because all you did was make a friend or two. It could make people a little suspicious, but in the long run it might not be so shocking to everyone if they had suspicions about you before when you tell them the big news. If a long distance relationship works for you, fantastic! They can be very difficult, though, especially if the other person has romantic options who live a little closer to them.
We live in a town that just recently changed the population sign all the way up to 865 people! The "big town" closest to us is about 10,000 people and is nearly 40 miles away. I am grateful that dating is not yet an issue for my daughter (she is only 12) but I am scared for her for when she is older. It is very religious/conservative around here. If I could afford to play the lottery and then got lucky and won...LOL... we might be able to move to a more liberal part of the country. Since not being able to afford to play means I am not likely to win I feel really trapped here. It is an annoying part of the country for social and political reasons generally but looking to my daughter's future happiness and safety it is really beginning to stress me. I love how pretty it is. I love living in the country and having animals and room to run. I really, really, really wish I could just pack up all the nasty people and bring in some more open minded neighbors in their place.
I'm pretty much in the exact same situation. I don't live in Bristol, I actually live in a town that's around 30 miles away; it has just over 2,000 residents. I also didn't want to date or even come out in fear of it getting spread and my parents eventually finding out. The only thing I can suggest is that you have to keep it super low key, which honestly isn't fun. :\ For me, once I told a few people that I was gay, I started to careless that it might get spread around. The only reason why I'm not "out and about" is because I don't want my parents to find out until I tell them, which I'm planning on doing very soon. Once I tell them, I really don't care who knows. So, is there anyone that you trust that you can come out to? I honestly think you should focus on that first.
do you have a traffic light? we don't LOL.if you have a car to go toa bigger city.that wound be great. i didn't want to come out here at first because of my then young son, but now i'm out to all who ask. don't wait as long as me though i'm 48 & too old to date.
I live in what I'd call a decent sized town. We're small compared to someplace like Detroit, but big enough that not every single person knows each other. The only problem is my school, which is REALLY small compared to the other schools nearby. My class only has about five hundred kids in it. So, being in such a small school, gossip spreads quickly. When I first started dating a lesbian who was just beginning to come out of the closet, EVERYONE knew. Everyone in the school heard about our breakup, and then the majority of them heard about us talking again. When she asked me to homecoming, I had friends congratulating me in the halls an hour after it had happened. I'm not used to being the center of attention, so this was shocking at the time. My best advice for this kind of stuff is to not care. If you know people are talking, and you don't let it get to you, life will be easier. After a while it'll become old news. That's what happened when I first came out, and now nobody really cares at this point.
I grew up in a small town. Real bunch of intolerant bible thumpers. Let's just say it was ... the exact opposite of nice and leave it at that.
Thanks for all the great answers! Here are some answers to questions and more information, etc... In regards to: Living at home is one of the issues I have as well, so I'm glad I'm not alone! I don't do well with long distance relationships. I've tried it with a simple friendship and it doesn't really work. Thanks for the suggestion, though! In terms of when I can leave town, I'm hoping by the middle of next year. I graduate school in December, if all goes well, and I want to move to a larger city a few hours away. In regards to: I'm not really attracted to any of the gays in my town, which makes it more difficult. I know a lot of their pasts which have changed them into people that I don't find attractive in terms of their morals. Different strokes, I suppose.. In regards to: Ah yes, another middle-of-nowhere inhabitant! We aren't so much conservative as we are... latino. Traditional Mexican Latino. Nobody marrying at 15, but they might as well be. Aye chihuahua... Thanks for the support In regards to: Super Low Key is my middle name right now... DL as they say. I'm hoping to tell my parents, eventually, but I don't want to tell them this if I don't even know if I'm totally not attracted to girls. Most of my friends are mutual friends, or would tell people that don't need to know. I have two friends who I am starting to trust to tell, but I'm not there, yet. Hopefully soon though. Cheers! In regards to: We have a flashing red light, if that counts lol. I'm not going to wait too long, hopefully. Just waiting for the right time.. In regards to: Thanks for your advice! It's sort of hard not to care. I'm a sensitive person by nature (my inner fem...) but I'm hoping to eventually get to where I don't care. In regards to: So it shall be left! Thanks for your response Thanks, all!
It does take quite a bit of time and practice. Personally, even if I did care, I acted like I didn't, just so that people would eventually let it go. It's a method that works more with time, though. I still have problems when it comes to mastering that kind of skill.
I'm from a small town around 2,000 people, there is one gas station, one pizza shop and cafe that is open seasonally, and one convenience store. My town was later amalgamated into a larger one that has around 55,000 people, however they are spread out over an area larger than Toronto, takes 45 minutes to drive from the east side to the west side. Unfortunately nobody in my village(my area is an actual village) was out or is out, not even me. The only thing that can be done is wait or go outside of your area, you don't need to be limited to your immediate vicinity. I'm dating someone from two towns over, the only option was to look outside my area, and I'm glad I did, it's worth the drive, and his town is so segregated from mine that the chances of anyone knowing me there are slim to none. The fact your town has such a small population slims the chances of you actually having a relationship you enjoy there. Not everyone gets along or match well, and the smaller the population, the less likely a chance you have of meeting someone. So don't be down on it, just know it's due to where you live and what's available. Just like you shouldn't be upset that you can't find a gas station when you only look in one area. Relationships shouldn't be forced, and you'll be much happier once you meet someone you like versus forcing a relationship because that's all your area has to offer.
