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I Hate "Friends" Like This

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by HarryIsCute, Jan 21, 2014.

  1. HarryIsCute

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    So I just came out to a friend via text that I was Bi. At first she thought I was joking but now she is saying that I am putting her Christianity on the line and I responded "Well, I can't change. nor do I want to, plus the bible clearly says "Judge not, that you will not be judged" and "Love one another, as I have loved you." She said back "Yes u can. IM NOT JUDGING YOU AND I DO LOVE YOU." I said back "Ik you do, and no [NAME], I can't." She said back "Yes u can the only reason that u believe u can't is bc the world has brain washed u to believe that. but I believe u can."

    I really don't even want to reply to her tonight, that last comment doesn't even deserve a response... ugh I'm so angry. Advice/anything like this ever happen to you?
     
  2. Echoing

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    I remember my mother saying to me when I came out to her on the phone: "But people from around here just don't do that kind of thing..."
    I explained to her that people probably from where I grew up (tiny hick town) are most certainly gay, lesbian, bi or trans, but because of attitudes like hers they have to hide it an be ashamed of themselves.

    That what your 'friend' is asking you to do: be ashamed and hide yourself. How is that being a good friend?
     
  3. HarryIsCute

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    Well turns out she has a major crush on me and "me being bi changes everything."
     
  4. ChainsrGone

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    And that is her problem, not yours. Be who you are, not who others say you should be.
     
  5. theskywreck

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    There was a 'friend' of mine a few years back who told me I was going to Hell because of my lifestyle. We are not friends any longer.
     
  6. HarryIsCute

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    Her last message: "But the point is I had some what of a thing for girls and guys. It's a problem that I still face today."
     
  7. resu

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    Tell her it's only a problem because she and her religious interpretation make it a problem, but also say that if she wants to talk about it, you will be available.
     
  8. Noir

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    You don't have a problem that needs to be fixed. It sounds like she has the problem and can't give you the kind of healthy friendship you need. If she can't accept all of you for who you are without trying to change you, she shouldn't be the kind of person you call a friend. :eusa_naug
     
  9. WhiteShadows

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    lol. The world has brainwashed you that you can't change? More like the opposite...
    Not worth the friendship....
     
  10. BlueMetalWave

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    Don't bother with her if she doesn't fully accept you than it's not worth having her around to make you feel bad. You will find other people that will love you just the way you are and she isn't one of them.
     
  11. dano218

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    Some people will never change and likely never will. Your friend since she is young may change her mindset when she is older but she still is not worth your time or money. The older people are the more set in their ways they become and the more likely they won't change. If i learned anything in life is that you can't change people. They put a wall up and every time you convince them nicely that they are in the wrong they just push back. I choose to ignore those people even if they are relatives because I have better things to do in life. Move on and find a friend that truly accepts you as you are. You are right her comments don't deserve any kind of response.
     
  12. SongshiQuan

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    I'm sorry that she feels this way, but YOU putting HER personal faith on the line? If one of my friends said that to me, instant derisive laughter+"girl,bye". This is totally her problem/fault, not yours.
     
  13. HarryIsCute

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    Thanks everyone! Y'all mean the world to me!(*hug*)
     
  14. setnyx

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    you can't put anyone's christianity on the line. as for her's maybe she is worried about her own sexuality. if she says you can change maybe you could ask her if she could change who she prefers.
     
  15. AaronMed

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    I'd respond honestly and say exactly what you're thinking, because she certainly doesn't deserve minced words. Here's what I'd say:

    "[Name], I've been friends with you for ages, but you've reached the end of the line and now you have to make a choice. I am who I am. I'm sorry that you don't like that, but I'm not going to apologize for being me. I can't change, even the American Psychiatric Association made up of medical doctors has stated gay people can't change. So you either have to accept me for who I am, or we're through. I don't deserve to be psychologically abused on account of your religious ideology."

    You can probably tell that I can be rather firey sometimes.
     
  16. PurpleGrey

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    My dad pulled the same "you're just brainwashed" bullshit. Maybe I'm a reactionary bitch, but I would drop a friend in a heartbeat if they persistently argued that my sexuality is wrong and needs to be fixed. However, if you feel you can mend your friendship and make things work, all I say is be careful.
     
  17. Cigsmoker

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    Hi there. I totally agree with the responses posted here and of course, you cannot change who you truly are.

    Though I would have preferred that you talked to here face to face instead of via text. Something big like this deserve an actual conversation. And to give your friend the benefit of the doubt, maybe she was just shocked to read that kind of text and she went to the religious defense because she didn't know how to properly react to it. I would suggest you give her a little time to let that piece of information sink in.
    But if afterward she still stands her ground and will still say that you can change and all that stuff...then maybe its time to let her and the so-called friendship go. You need people who will support you and encourage you to be who you are...not change you to fit their idea of normal.
     
  18. dano218

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    It depends on the situation. Most of my close relatives I barely see in person so coming in person was less of a option so it was much easier to come out on facebook or by email than to do it in person.

    ---------- Post added 23rd Jan 2014 at 09:42 AM ----------

    You are exactly right. Response like this don't deserve a reply and and I would just ignore her until she gets her act together. I love those people who say "I love you but you can change" and in all reality they are not giving you the respect you deserve. My sister had the same kind of attitude but even worse and our relationship is dead at her own expense.
     
  19. 2112

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    ..and she's trying to convince you that you can change it?


    :wow: