Sister in law in abusive relationship

Not going to be absolutely clear because there are so many twists and turns in a situation like this.

My sister has been in several abusive relationships. She hid them all while they were going on (well, the last her older kids exposed but she was trying to hide it.) The first one that I even suspected was her relationship with her older kids' father. I hated him so much for so many reasons but did not get that he might be beating her which he was. I knew he was a drunken a-hole who was cheating on her all the time and also that my nephew acted scared of him which was enough to make me hate him.

My sister hid the beatings until my then 5-yr old nephew made her promise "if daddy hits you again you have to call the police." When he busted her head open and took their 3 yr old daughter and walked out of the house drunk while she was lying bleeding on the floor she finally listened to the 5yr old and called. That is how low she had to hit before she acknowledged that he was abusing her. Years later she wound up with another man that was just as bad. Like I said before, she tried hiding what was going on with him as well.

From what she finally said when she admitted what was going on it was just so embarrassing that she did not want anyone to know, they both threatened to take her kids (2 with the first guy, 1 with the second) and they also both did a combined apology/blame her for them beating her up thing. She wound up feeling so on edge, guilty, confused, humiliated, angry, etc. all the time.

With the first no one knew he was beating her up until she finally admitted it. With the second we found out and the more we tried to get her to leave him the more she clung to the relationship. The one time she called the police on him he had been choking her in front of their baby girl, drunk off his ass and trying to put the baby in the car to take off with her. My sister had to scratch his arms up to get her throat clear so she could breath. When the police came they said if she pressed charges on him they would have to take her too as they both had marks. She didn't press the charges. They reported the incident to child services who came out and began threatening to take her baby away because she did not press charges on her abuser. She wound up having to leave the home she was still paying on and move in with my mother to prove she did not have the baby around him to get child services off of her back. My mom and I had to go to him and tell him that he was leaving NOW. Apparently women willing to fight back were a bit too much for him because he packed up and got out. My sister got a restraining order and court supervised visitations for him with the kid. Again she had to hit LOW before she got away from him.

If it was just your sister-in-law I would say the best thing would be to just keep offering her support and let her know if she needed a place to escape to or an ear to vent to or a shoulder to lean on you are there for her. It would be frustrating as hell knowing she was being abused and basically doing nothing but sometimes a person in that situation wont do anything until they hit their bottom.

Since their is a baby involved then it kicks it up a notch. If he is physically abusing her while she is pregnant then it needs to be stopped before that baby is damaged or lost. If you know of an incident soon after it happens maybe an anonymous call to child protective services?

I am sorry I am not more help. My ex played "beat the wife" once and I got the hell out. My sister and several of my friends put up with that nonsense for years and I never could understand why. I guess by the time hands were raised they were already emotionally beat down enough to feel they deserved it? I know it is extremely troublesome and frustrating for you now worrying about your sister-in-law and watching her not do anything about it. I wish you luck and strength!