Dating someone with anxiety connected to sexuality

Hi guys,

I was looking for some advice on a situation I'm in at the moment. My partner of the last six months has recently just told me that he has been suffering from an anxiety condition that developed around three years ago. This happened when he came out to his parents, who he told before any friends or family, and they dealt with the news quite badly. They effectively pushed him back into the closet, by saying he was a disappointment and was letting down the family.

After this he fell into a clinical depression and developed anxiety over his sexuality. The anxiety was connected in the way that he understands and accepts he is gay but feels as though the people in his family will not accept him. It creates effectively a daily turmoil in his life.

The anxiety has apparently since returned after dealing with it three years ago with medication/counselling, and this time it is related to the fact that he is dating for the first time and it is forcing him to deal with all of these issues again. He hasn't addressed the issue with his family since trying to come out three years ago.

Sorry for such a shortened version of the situation! Anyway here is my concern, I feel as though if he does have all this anxiety related to his sexuality, and being in a relationship for the first time is forcing this anxiety to resurface - is it not highly probable that eventually he'll begin to associate spending time with me with that anxiety? And therefore want to pull away and eventually break?

I'm just worried about where the situation is leading and I've really not had any experience with this beforehand (I'm very comfortable with my sexuality, and fortunate to have a very understanding and accepting family...which I think again doesn't help the situation since he probably feels like I don't understand what he is going through right now).

Obviously my main priority is preserving what we have in the long term. Is it worth slowing things down and creating some distance between us while he deals with these issues? And does anyone have recommendations from personal experience about dealing with anxiety connected to sexuality while in a relationship?

Thanks!

 

Hi guys,

Thanks for all your replies they were really helpful. We have decided right now to take a break from the relationship and just remain friends for the time being. The reason for this was due to his anxiety and depression seeping into other areas of his life and him needing to take some time to address the issues properly by going through counselling.

His main concern was that he has been negative associating his anxiety and depression to our relationship and that if we were to stay together right now it would have an impact on the likelihood of us having a chance to stay together in the future.

This way he can address his issues, and still confide in me as a friend, and then we can reassess where things are in the future.

I think in some ways this is probably the best way to move forward. I do doubt that he is committed to addressing his sexuality in the short term (otherwise it would make more sense for us to stay together), which does mean there is a large question mark over our relationship that prevents me from moving on.

But I guess right now I just need to show him support and help during this time. As random as it sounds I was thinking of introducing him to a couple of LGBT vloggers on YouTube that post up daily logs about their life - it's often boring, but introduces you to the idea that gay couples can exist in todays society. I know I found it useful to start off with to kind of admire and learn from their experiences.

We'll see what happens I guess - thanks again for you advice and if you have any recommendations about how to move forward that would be much appreciated!