A lot has happened in the past few months, and I guess to ask for advice, I would need to explain the context. I decided to take the plunge and go to a gay club meeting at my school. I was nervous as hell of course, because this kind of thing was out of my comfort zone, but I went anyways just to check it out...better to try new things you know? After the meeting, I stayed and talked with a few people. One of them was this guy. We talked about school things mostly, the usual introductory chat. Then we all separated and left, but before we left, the club execs notified us of a party the club was hosting. I decided to go check that out, too. So the party comes along. I go, and I don't know anyone there, until I see the guy I saw at the club meet. He was about to leave (perhaps he didn't know many people there), but I told him I was going down. So he decided to come back down with me. Of course it was awkward. :lol: This was the first time I'd been in this kind of situation before. I would usually go to some formals, but not like a, well...stereotypical party. First time I ever saw two guys kissing in real life. But we both danced, and I tried to make him feel at ease cause it seemed like he was nervous. I was nervous myself, but I didn't want to show it. Eventually the party ended and we both left, talking about various things, and laughing. I wanted to meet up with him again, but I was too embarrassed to ask for his phone number...I know right... :eusa_doh: I don't know how much time passed, but I was eating in the dining hall one day, and I hear someone call my name. I turn around and he's there, to my surprise, asking if I want to eat with him. Perhaps we were both nervous as we both didn't eat much, but afterwards, he asked if I wanted to go to a concert with him that they were having at the school. I went with him, and then afterwards we decided to just walk around. By this point any kind of nervousness is gone as we are talking about other stuff, laughing, and talking about our experiences in school. There were some other school events going on due to the Halloween season, and we went together just to go. Then afterward I asked if he wanted to do anything else...he thought maybe we could watch a movie in one of our dorm rooms. I invited him to mine, so we went and watched a movie. During the movie, we just kinda got closer and closer...by the time the movie was over we were shoulder to shoulder leaning on each other. We talked about other more personal things until the sun started rising. Eventually the pauses between conversation topics grew larger and larger until we both fell asleep. The next morning (well, 4:00pm), he had to go to a meeting...but he asked for my phone number so we could stay in contact. We had another "date" I guess you would call it next weekend. Stayed up until the late hours of the night talking. We both slept together, this time under the covers (slept, not sex...I hate that connotation). Then, we met again the next weekend. We walked around outside and talked with each other, and then we went back to the dorm and talked some more, and then we fell asleep with each other. The next morning, I woke up to turn off my alarm. He woke up too, and we both just looked at each other for what seemed like forever. I wanted to hug him, but I couldn't bring myself to do it out of embarrassment...but then the alarm rang again (I hit snooze), I turned it off, and then I just remember we both hugged each other really close. Then we started making out. The snooze alarm put a stop to that, as we both had to wake up for school things. He invited me to a party, and I went with him and we had a great time together. But later, we both said we were going to meet, and he didn't show up. I noticed that he was slow to return his text messages, but I just wrote it off. Over the weeks, I tried to coordinate a meetup time (both our available meetup times are short due to school obligations), but nothing would work for him. At first this was due to his obligations in a frat, which I know are time intensive from other friends who have done the same thing. But then, he talked about going to a concert again. I told him I could go, but he didn't show up again...that really hurt me because I wish he at least could have sent a text message or email explaining why he couldn't go. Eventually, we just started talking over email. Not too often, but more of a daily letter writing type conversation. He told me that his aunt had died and that he was just trying to digest all of his emotions during that time. Now, I understand a part of him. We both come from strong Catholic backgrounds, and because of this (if anyone comes from this type of background), you know of the strong moral inhibitions there are to coming out to yourself and acting upon your desire. I still get it to an extent, and so I understood that he was nervous and perhaps double guessing himself regarding what he was doing with me, or what we were both getting into. But I've developed feelings for him, and I just want the chance to get to know him better, to see him again...I think about him, and I just wish I could have spent more time with him last semester. I emailed him to wish him a good holiday and see how he was up to, and a few days later he emailed me back, and he told me that he was confused as well and that fear held him back last semester, but that he wants to meet me again this semester. But still, the communication thing is the biggest problem with me. I wish he could communicate more often, but I don't want to sound like, well.... "Why don't you return your text messages" sort of thing... I want to talk with him more, but I don't know how to tell him that. So for example, he sent me a message a few days ago at around 3:00am. I replied, but he'll only reply to me at like 3:00 or 4:00am, when I'm asleep. So we never can have a conversation, only day-to-day messages, and this is concerning to me I guess... So I guess I'm asking: What are the next steps I should take with him? We've both been on winter break, and I'm gonna be back at school next week. He says he wants to meet me again, but I don't want to get stood up if you know what I mean, believe that I am going to meet him, and then he back out or something comes up and he doesn't contact me. How do I tell him about how that affected me, or how do I bring it up? Am I going about this right?
It sounds like he's going through a rough time, so he probably needs someone just to talk to. I understand the "Catholic guilt" as I still go to mass every Sunday even though I'm at a school far from my family. Tell him that you miss him and get worried for him when he doesn't respond. If you arrange a meetup, tell him that it's okay for whatever reason if he can't come as long as he just contacts you beforehand. Say that you want things to work out between you two. If he keeps not showing up, you might just "take a break". Ultimately, you can't make someone else stay with you if they are unwilling.
And that's the thing. I don't want to sound imposing on him. Him and I still contact each other over text for now. I also don't want to interfere with his life by making him feel obligated to do anything. He does have his frat friends and dorm friends, you know? I guess I just keep double guessing myself.
It's very rude to stand up some one like that, twice. I would ask him if he needs time, space, whatever. Otherwise, distance yourself until he figures out what he wants. There's no need to fall for someone who's unavailable, not in the same frame of mind and clearly confused. You'll only end up with a broken heart.
Yes, but your relationship is (or you want it to be) more than just being friends. He is already imposing on you by stringing you along, and you shouldn't have to settle for that.
