Should I tell him?

Your profile says you're not out at all; I'd be hesitant to make someone who makes a point of being visibly homophobic the first person you come out to. I'd hate to see one negative reaction set you back.

On the other hand, maybe he's just overcompensating, or maybe he'll feel differently if it's coming from you. Finding out that somebody he's already close to is not straight might be easier to accept than someone he doesn't know.

If you were already out I'd definitely suggest telling him as well. It may be difficult or painful, but in the long run you're better off surrounding yourself with people who will accept the real you, not an illusion. If you go down this path, I recommend not telling him that you like him right away unless he asks in a kind way; that can be a lot to take in. One step at a time.

Good luck!

 

I've been in a similar situation and all I can say is, I personally don't think there are any tell-tale signs as to someone's orientation. Especially from what you describe from a situation like this.

All your information seems to be second hand, or observed. When someone wants something, they will often find what they're looking for.

I advise you to deal with these fantasies with cold hard facts. In every good, decent relationship I've had, genuine friendship has been a huge part of that. Your partner should be one of your best friends as well as your lover. That's just my opinion, but it has served me well.

There's no way he's going to tell you the truth about stuff unless he trusts you - and you should be the same. Respect yourself*If you really like him, then you really need to get to know him, as a human being before an object of desire.If it turns out that he isn't bi or gay or whatever, if he's a nice person then you would hopefully just have good friend. And trust me, the bond of true friendship is something beautiful that will transcend time and physical space

But in my case, I did tell the guy I liked that I liked him for his personailty & not his appearance. I am a closeted bi person as well, and it turns out he did like me as well, even thoufh he looked and acted as a ladies man. Honestly, all you can do is open up to him in order to achieve what you're looking for. Who knows maybe destiny is on your side.

So take your time, and enjoy the journey. Don't let yourself be carried away by imposed romantic fantasies of others.

 

If you are going to tell him, just say it indirectly, or like it's a normal conversation. Say like "I care about you", then see his reaction. If it is a positive one go on telling him. That's what I did with my crush. He smiled and told me he liked me more than a friend.

Be casual & if he hates you, what's his friendship worth if he doesnt accept WHO you REALLY are.

Best of luck!

 

I would softly bring up the topic first. Like, ask him about what he thinks about GBL people and if he keeps with his view then try and argue that there's nothing wrong with it etc. Then maybe ask him:
"Would you still feel that was if one of your best friends told you they were gay?" And see how he reacts. It's relatively safe because if reacts badly you can always just pretend you weren't referring to yourself

 

I suggest just telling him the truth, as hard as it may be. Honestly he is probably getting a vibe and the most hate towards the LGB community are the people most likely to be closeted gays. I honestly believe that this was a positive response as it might show that he may be gay himself.

For telling him I suggest telling him, indirectly like "You know when you came over to my house..." "do you know why I asked that?". Make him tell you if its too difficult to tell him. If he is a good person, your secret is safe with him.

But if your not comfortable telling him, i suggest just waiting and see what will happen.

If he asks you why you asked that yesterday, he's interested in that topic, probably because he proabably knows your gay or bi, then you can tell him the truth and maybe he will open up to you too.

After that you can tell him you told him because you like him and there u have it!

Good luck!

 

It's hard to judge from his response. He wasn't hateful or anything which wish is good, but not exactly enthusiastic that you brought it up either. My guess is he definitely suspects you are gay so I would just hold off on talking about it any further for now. Now that the idea is planted in his head, let him think about it and if he's interested he'll probably hint at it sooner or later. If not, well, unfortunately not everyone you're attracted to is gay or willing to admit it.

Basically, the ball's in his court, just be patient and see what happens.

 

Just go with the flow. But try not to think about him all the time, because odds are he will not return your romantic feelings, which can be very hard to accept. Try and prepare yourself for that outcome, because I've been down that path where I've been desperately wanting to be with a guy who was straight... I'm just trying to save you some pain (but I know how hard that it )

Keep us posted, good luck!

 

Holy crap that's quite a story. I had a crush on my friend a while ago and I never had the balls to tell him I was gay. I forced myself to forget about him, but this makes me wonder what would've happened.

 

Well, you have to talk to him. Preferably as soon as possible and in person. It's hard to say exactly what he meant by "confused," but taken in context, it seems like he might be questioning his sexuality. Whatever it is, he's struggling with SOMETHING. The only way to get through this is to have a conversation with him.

A few guidelines to follow when you guys do eventually talk:

Do not mention you like him. He seems to be in a very fragile state right now, and doing that would probably just make him more upset. Also, don't directly ask him if he is gay/bi. Again, that will probably just upset him. Focus on asking what he is feeling and if he's doing okay.

This is a bit ironic because you're the one seeking advice on this forum, but I think the conversation you guys have will probably end up being more about him. Just based on his reaction to you coming out, you seem to be in a much better place than he is. Be patient with him, and just be there for him as a friend. Good luck .

 

I agree with confused1234,

There is a high chance he has a crush on you (yay ) but i suggest putting off your confession, as he is really weak. Just let time do its thing !

Im so siked for you.

 

Well holy sh*t, that did not go as I expected. Usually the homophobic types either turn out to be A) Not really homophobic, but just kids being kids and being afraid of being labeled as "faggy" B) Actually homophobic C) Actually gay, but with tons of issues that take years to resolve. In this case however, it seems like maybe, just maybe, he's into you.

To avoid being hurt I would not immidiately assume he is gay or is into you, as keep in mind he hasn't said that. It sounds like he implied it, but you really have to clarify it.

As for what you should do: First off, DO NOT smother him. Don't spam him with questions, or interrogate him on his sexuality. Regardless of what he meant by what he said, it's pretty clear he has some issues of some sort, so you have to give him some space. Before you admit anything else or ask anything of him, I would just try to get him to agree to hangout alone, so you can chat. You have to be careful about how you do this, you don't want to make it like "We have to talk.", but you also don't want him to think you're trying to act based on what he said (i.e you don't want him to think you're trying to be alone with him for reasons other than talking... at least at this point). I would just say that you'd like to hang out and talk, because you really trust him. Obviously do this discretely, via text.

Once you've gotten some more time to talk, instead of starting by asking him what he meant, I would go back to talking about your own sexuality and coming out to him. By putting your trust in him by coming out, you'll invite his trust in you and he'll probably end up elaborating upon what he meant last time. If he doesn't, you can gently ask him.

If and when it comes to admitting you have a thing for him, I would do it along the lines of "I really care about you, you've always been there for me to talk to. To be honest, I kind of have a crush on you.". You want to make sure he'll see it as a positive thing, rather than a demand for anything.

Essentially, I would avoid directly asking him, and instead continue being open to him. If you're open to him, he'll probably reciprocate and be open to you. If you just ask him what he meant, he might shell up out of fear of social repercussions, or in the case he does like you, of painful rejection.

 

Wow, that's pretty intense! :eek:

To me it seems likely that he's had a crush on you for awhile and has been trying to convince himself that he's not gay. He's probably figured out that you like him and needs some time to come to terms with how he wants to handle that.

Basically, just be patient and supportive and wait for him to bring it up again. I think there's a good chance that he will. Good luck!

 

I'm growing up in a Christian family, so about a year or two ago I was really homophobic when I started developing a crush on my best friend. Like mbanema said, he's probably trying to convince himself that he's not gay. A gentle talk should help him to stop and think about the situation. Good luck.

 

Well, that's quite an extraordinary reaction

Everyone has said some pretty useful things about what to do now.
I'm not sure what it means. He seems very scared of the fact that you like. What he said doesn't really give any definite indication about how he feels. By confused, he may have meant that he is having some feelings for you, but he also might have meant something else like family difficulties... But it does sound quite a lot like he's had some feelings for the same sex... just don't get your hopes up, in fact don't even think about the possibility of being in a relationship with him yet because for now you need to focus on getting him to talk to you about what's bothering him.

Yes, you somehow need to get some time with him alone. Will you see him at school or something soon? Maybe it's best to give him a little space, but eventually you should ask him to do something like come to your house to hang out, or meet up somewhere or whatever. At some point, softly bring up what happened. You should definitely let him know that you're there for him and you really value his friendship. Tell him that, whatever it is that he's going through, he's going to be ok. Tell him that you weren't expecting him to react quite like that, but that you're worried about him and that you hope he's ok. Let him know that even though your orientation is the way it is, that he doesn't need to be scared about anything and that you will respect him. Then you could ask him if he wanted to talk about what he's been confused about, and tell him that it's ok and that whatever he tells you won't make you lose respect for him.

Just a few suggestions. But please make sure at some point you talk to him (I'm worried about him too now...)

Good luck and please post back with any news. (*hug*)