I am Gay and My BF is Bisexual and is having a GF

How long after dating did you start sleeping with him ?

 

Wow I up be upset if it were me but I'm not sure what you should do here

 

Being bisexual is not an excuse to cheat on your boyfriend or girlfriend with someone of the opposite sex. This guy is being greedy and completely unfair to both of you.

Please have enough respect for yourself and compassion for his girlfriend to get out of this relationship. It is so wrong for him to be marrying this girl while secretly keeping a relationship with you. He has to decide who he wants to be with and from what you described it's not you. You deserve to have someone who can devote himself to you.

Sorry, probably not the comments you were hoping to receive and I apologize if my tone is a little hostile; I just think this is a really bad, dishonest situation.

 

Sorry about your news origami.
But in my opinion "that's a deal breaker, ladies!"
Unless his relationship with his spouse allows him to have an open relationship it wouldn't be so bad i guess, but as from what i can see your basically being kept a secret and used as a substitute for physical intimacy that his wife cannot satisfy him with. and i agree with mbanema you deserve someone who can devote himself to you.!!! Your to nice to be pulled along on this emotional roller coaster!! and yes you will most likely be saddened but im sure itll be for the better :tears:

Anyways good luck and "may the odds forever be in your favor"
il be supporting you for which ever way you decide to go! plenty of hugs (*hug*)(*hug*) (*hug*)

 

What he's doing is not fair to you, his girlfriend, or himself. Unless you all have some sort of open relationship type deal going on, the only thing that I can see happening in the long-run is a whole lot of pain and confusion for everyone involved.

Call it cruel, but I don't think he deserves anyone, at least until he decides what he wants, and that it's fair. Bisexuality isn't an excuse to cheat, and it's not okay to use some clueless girl as your "beard", while getting your jollies off on the side.

You're giving him a free pass to continue lying to you, and if you think he's magically going to clean up his act and become some model boyfriend, you should think again. Seriously, set boundaries, bring this up, and don't settle for anything less. Good luck.

 

I agree with this , I was too scared to say the same thing

 

^^^^ Mhm, mhm, mhm preach it brotha!!! sista??

that guy sounds disgusting (no offense OP, but you deserve better)

I'm all for bisexuality, but a guy having both a bf and a gf, is a C-H-E-A-T-E-R no matter how he sugar coats it.

it's especially unfair for the girl (in this case) the poor thing doesn't have a clue about what her (fiance?) is doing behind her back

he is using you, and keeping the girl to save face. He is never going to accept the fact that a man gives him BOTH pleasure AND love. He isn't going to dump the girl OP, sorry.

If I were you, I'd make friends with the girl, invite her over to your place, and give the cheater the surprise of his life!!! hahah but that's a bit much. but I would tell the girl about the situation, she deserves better, so do you.

oh and also, there's a movie out there called "the one" and it's about this topic in particular... I think you should give it a watch. The truth will always surface.

 

This is almost exactly what I was thinking when I read the original post. Well said.

 

Leave him, he's a disgusting lying sack of shit. I would have probably killed him if i knew him. What kind of sick minded monster asks that. A secret for life? Fuck that.

Sorry for the language, but reading this and seeing what you feel is just sick. If you make him whoke he should only date you & not another girl.

Tell him to fuck off next time you talk to him.

best regards .

 

He's cheating, there is no way that's okay. If he loves her and wants to marry her, he wouldn't be doing something he knows she would leave him or. And if he loves you, he wouldn't be expecting you to dedicate yourself to him and keep this secret and help him cheat.
You need to tell him how you feel, and (since honestly, I doubt he'll leave her. Not saying he'd rather leave you, but honestly, I just don't think he is willing to act in either way) I think you need to end it.

 

I still think that it is best if you leave him. Do you want to live wit the guilt that you might have ruined the relationship between him and his fiance. Also I feel that you should let him know that it is unreasonable for him to be in an affair. If you leave him, you should tell him the reason for your departure as well as letting him know that he should never have another affair because it's just immoral. I know this is tough of you but you can view it as another form of love towards your partner, hoping that he will have a happy marriage. Well it's just my opinion

 

Leave him. He's cheating on his girlfriend and he might also cheat on you.

 

So a couple of things. Are you okay sharing him and being in a secret relationship where you will always be the one on the side? If so, okay. If not, then you need to take a good hard look at where this is going and if you're comfortable with that.

Second, did you know about his GF when you stated dating? Your post seems to imply that you didn't. If I'm mistaken and you did know, well you knew what you were getting into(sorry to be blunt, that's how it is). If you did not know about her, he is a forked-tongued sonofabitch and you need to rely that to him in as much detail as possible before dumping his ass.

 

It's good that you can see that you deserve better, because you do! And about her... Maybe you could "accidentally" make her know something about what her boyfriend is up to? I would hate knowing what's going on and not be able to help, and I think I would be grateful (and probably hurt/confused/etc at first) if someome made me know if my partner was unfaithful.

 

Wow. This is my fourth attempt to reply to your question. Each time I tried to write something, I just hit the Delete key, 'cause my response was just not coming out right. Hoping I get it right this time...

So first, my place in this crazy world we inhabit... You can see at the left that I'm an old guy who's been in the closet my whole life, and married to a woman on top of all that. I've always believed in living an authentic life, but in this one teeny tiny aspect (just a lame attempt at sarcasm), I had never been able to.

I'm in an age group, and from a background, that considers "cheating" on your partner unforgivable. But I also know that sexuality comes in many forms, and that open relationships are not so terribly uncommon, even, sometimes, bisexual open relationships.

But I also believe, totally, that all open relationships are, by definition, "open"--that is, consensual. Not just that you consent and he consents, but that she consents. Anything else is just called cheating. Not healthy, not happy, just destructive. Certainly destructive to you, his dirty little secret. (And I don't mean to imply that you're dirty. But in his mind, you're his dirty little secret.) And certainly destructive to her--she's going to find out someday, secrets rarely stay secret. And even destructive to him, unless he's sociopathic, and just lacks the empathy gene.

So, can you live with being his secret, with all the baggage that goes with that? Can you participate/be complicit in an an ultimately destructive relationship? From your own comments, it doesn't seem so. Kudos to you. Seriously. You've got a good sense of values built right into your core. But telling her so she won't feel betrayed later? I don't know... I wouldn't do that, but that's me.

Your relationship is with him, not with his GF. Maybe think about laying down the law with him. Tell him it's over unless he comes clean with himself and can live an authentic life, and then stick to it. Don't call, don't respond to phone calls, nothing. Go cold turkey. Maybe it will be an impetus for him if he really cares about you. If not, at least you'll know.

Harsh advice, huh? Especially coming from someone who's gotten to my age and accepted his sexuality only a week ago? But for whatever reason, your situation resonates with me. I've never cheated on my wife, because it's unimaginable to me that I could act so destructively in dishonesty. I've been very destructive in my own life for a while, but it's been in an effort to be authentic, not otherwise. I don't feel any better about it--I feel like s**t right now, but at least I'm finally being honest with myself, and with my wife. Your boyfriend is acting destructively with no desire to face the destruction he's causing. He needs a good mirror to look into.

I know this rambled on. I'm sorry. Your situation just brought of emotion to the surface.

---------- Post added 27th Jan 2014 at 08:55 AM ----------

OK, one more thing... A lot of your posts are about the harm this will cause his GF (who, maybe, for him, is just his beard--who knows?) and about what seem to me to be your feelings of guilt around this.

But I don't think you should try to own this guilt. You went into this relationship from a point of honesty and trust. You've known about her for only a few days. You do not own this guilt. It's all on him. Maybe consider seeing a good therapists for a bit to explore your feelings about this?