My boyfriend and I broke up a month ago after having been together for 5 months. There was very strong chemistry between us, we enjoyed excellent physical intimacy and things looked well. I was always somewhat skeptical about his ability to keep things together given his inexperience with relationships and discomfort with sexual identity but he put in a lot of effort and verbally reassured me again and again that he loved me, I was the best thing that happened to him and even when directly asked 3 weeks before the breakup if there's something he wants to improve or change in our relationship confirmed that there was nothing to discuss. I was in love and believed his assurances dismissing my own concerns. The weeks before the breakup we had a string of arguments, and during our last day together my ex sort of exploded telling me he's having a hard time with me and who I am, which led to a discussion over his sexuality and he noted that he doesn't really want to be gay. I figured the two of us need time apart, broke down emotionally and told him that while it's difficult for me he should have his time and space to figure things out perhaps go out with girls and we should be in an open relationship and slow things down for a few weeks to see how things pan out. We spent the night together and then started the open relationship. We slowed things down for a few days and ended up arguing over New Year's. Being in an open relationship, I still expected we would go out on New Year's as we had planned but my ex refused and didn't want to talk about how he was feeling (despite not having talked for 3 days). I sat out New Year and expressed my disappointment with how quickly our relationship went downhill and how I felt that this was inconsistent with some of the things he told me. It was clear we were breaking up at this point, only 3 days after I suggested we be in an open relationship. In knowing my ex, he has a hard time communicating and is emotionally distant. He knows I loved him and told me that he knows but said that in relation to the reassuring things he may have insincerely told me, I should know him better and that he doesn't know what he actually feels ?!. It's clear he fell out of love with me for quite some time before the breakup and was not nearly as emotionally invested despite being very into the physical part and reassuring me of the importance of our relationship. We broke up by 15 minute phone call on New Year's day (!) and he said we are breaking up because it will be difficult for us to stay together and that the only thing he regrets is that I got hurt by our relationship. He said he wants me to be happy and something along the lines that if he'd be dating, I'm a very good catch and I'll make for a good catch for someone. I told him that while it's hard for me I'm glad he has time and space to figure things out and told him things I liked in our relationship and that there are no hard feelings although he needs to be careful in things that he tells a romantic partner. In any case, I was and still am somewhat heartbroken whereas I haven't heard a thing except a like on my Facebook from my ex in a month. I haven't made contact and I'm wondering as to whether I should be as compassionate, forgiving and understanding of my ex's confusion and misrepresentation of his true feelings toward me?
I think going into an open relationship was just delaying the inevitable, and it probably made things worse. He is fooling himself if he thinks he can willfully choose to not be gay, but only he can make himself accept his sexuality as it is, so it is good for him to let go. Maybe the absence will make him understand what he really wants. As for you, I don't think you have to do anything more than what has been done. You have already been very understanding, but ultimately you deserve to have someone who is an equal in terms of accepting their sexuality. You're not supposed to be a lover and therapist at the same time.
