I'm not even sure where I'm supposed to begin. So, let's go back to the beginning. I live in what is referred to as the "Bible Belt," which is basically another name for the geographical south. Most people in my area are conservative in some way, and many identify as Christians. However, in recent years, much of the youth in the area has begun to reject the teachings of their parents and those before them. Since the generation I live in is changing, I had no fear of coming out to anyone, except my parents. Both of them are "Christians," but that's only accurate if you use that term loosely. When I was growing up, and even now, homosexuality was a topic that was very rarely discussed. Because of this, I was rather hesitant about telling my parents. Eventually, I managed to get enough courage to tell my mother. Her only response was "What makes you think [you're bisexual?]" Once our somewhat long and uncomfortable conversation had finally ended, there was little discussion after the fact. In due time, the entire incident had been forgotten entirely. Despite telling my mother that I am bisexual, it seems that she either doesn't not want to accept that as fact, or thinks I'm confused. I plan on having a follow-up discussion about this with her tomorrow, but I know my parents aren't going to miraculously accept this overnight. I eagerly anticipate the day that my own mother won't be afraid to ask me "So, are there any guys you like?" And the day when we can be out somewhere and instead of only pointing out girls, she can say "Did you see that guy over there?" The lack of cooperation and religious tension has inflicted a severe amount of emotional damage, some of which is bound to be permanent. ------------------------- I say all that to say this: What would be the best way to approach a mother who is, more likely than not, unwilling to accept the fact that I'm bisexual? This constantly eats me away on the inside. I've tried telling her but she didn't listen. Any thoughts, ideas, or recommendations? I need to do something about this, and relatively quickly. I've started drinking, partially because of this.
I hear you. A lot of people aren't very religious and only stick to bible values when it comes to something like homosexuality (I won't start a conversation on that though). It's hard but at least you were brave enough to come out
Coming out to parents sucks, and I say this having come out at 26 to liberal Jewish parents. First of all, you're very brave for having done it. Don't forget that. Most parents have no idea of what bisexuality is. They'll need to learn it but it takes time. There are some resources that I've come across specifically for LGBT Christians. I stumbled across this blog post, and it was one of the things that made me comfortable enough to tell my parents: Just Because He Breathes | Learning to Truly Love our Gay Son…. Also, I have a friend who's involved with the Gay Christian Network. They may have some tips on how to reconcile your faith with your sexual orientation. Don't beat yourself up for this. You didn't choose this and you're not confused or a sinner or whatever people are saying to you. (*hug*)
Just be thankful that she didn't necessarily act negatively when you came out. She may just be having a hard time accepting the fact. It may take time for your parents to accept you for who you are. Try not to dwell too much on how she might react also, sometimes you just have to take a deep breath, and say what has to be said. Also, props to you for getting up the courage to tell her. Good luck!
go slow, dont force it. At the same time remember they should love you know matter what. i was scared when i first came out and i started getting drunk and smoking weed. while it made me feel better for a while in the long run it just made me feel worse. but quoteing Lady Gaga, “we're beautiful in our ways, were on the right track cause we were Born This Way” we are here for you man
For those who were wondering, I'm not a Christian. Just my parents are. And I thank you all for the support. I can honestly say this is one of the few places over ever been where there is a genuine sense of love and unity amongst all members. We know what pain is, and because of that, we do our best to not inflict any upon others.
dude i think we all love each other thats whats so special about EC. while we may come from different places we are all united by LGBTQ and we are always here to help our friends through anything
For the first time in quite literally forever, I feel at home. I know now that I belong in the LGBT community. Everyone is so amazing.
Exactly! Without proper unity, what are we reduced to? A bunch of lonely wayward confused spirits, all desiring acceptance and love. In EC, we can help each other through tough times, and relate to one another. That's one thing I've never found on any other forum.
That's the most amazing and heartwarming quote I've heard in a while (referring to flygon trainers status) That's one of my new favorites
Hi, and a late welcome to the community I'm glad it's feeling like "home" One of the biggest pieces associated with someone's acceptance is their own processing of the "loss" of perception that you're straight. And there are stages that everyone goes through -- stages that you went through as well coming to accept yourself. The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance. For people who are bisexual, or those who label as bisexual because it's a "safer" label (essentially a bridge to accepting oneself as gay, because it doesn't close the door to a "normal" life), it can be that much harder in coming out to parents, because they can always cling to the idea that "Oh, well, he's still half straight, hopefully he'll end up with a girl." So some of that may be going on here... the hope that if she doesn't give any energy to it, the whole thing will "just go away." So you may have to gently revisit the issue. But before doing so, it might also be worth really exploring your own feelings, because if bisexuality is a "transition" label rather than what you truly are, then you essentially have two separate "coming out" processes to do and while that's not the end of the world, it just creates some added stuff to deal with. If the bisexual label is authentic and accurate for you, then it may take some time to really explain to her and help her to totally undertstand... and it may take until you come home with a guy for her to really deal with it. It's not fair and not easy, but it's how it is. Hope that helps!
You've been given great advice on this thread. I just wanted to say a few things: You didn't create this "mess", so I hope you don't feel, in any way, responsible for the situation you're in. If you do, I hope you can explain further what you mean so that I can try to understand. ... and then convince you otherwise. Second thing, and last - you are a very well-spoken young man. Your writing skills are fantastic, so I hope you take advantage of that and receive praise from your teachers. Anyway - That's all I wanted to say. You've got our love and support! (*hug*)
Originally, I was going to write this entire post in a different tone, which is why the title is "The Mess I Created." Couldn't be bothered to change it, so I left it as it was. In all honesty I think it's a combination of religion and tradition in my family that has caused these issues. Over time I have come to hate the teachings of Christianity, but that hatred only arose due to circumstances that I have been placed in. The hatred in my heart is very biased and one-sided; it should pass in due time. There is an ineffable grief that's created when who you are and what you stand for is so easily disregarded and cast aside. From what I have observed so far in my limited years on this earth, evangelical religion causes more harm that it goes good. The beliefs held by people cause no harm, but outspokenness can easily cause pain. Religion has turned into a way to discriminate against certain people groups and get away with it unscathed. That being said, there are a few people left in this world who do not commit such autracities. And to those few who remain, I praise you.
