A few years back I made the realization I was bisexual. I have dated a few people since then (guys and girls) but it wasn't until a year and a half ago that I actually started falling for a girl. We spent the whole summer before talking every day and getting to know each other. I had no intention of ever dating her because she was straight, even though I found her extremely attractive. But to my surprise, at the end of the summer she was brave enough to tell me she had developed feelings for me. We have been dating ever since, but by no means has this been easy. To make a long story short, in the recent months our relationship has turned into a "friends with benefits" sort of relationship. This girl has told me she cannot picture having a future with a girl. This is obviously very painful for me to hear, but anytime I try to distance myself from her I get pulled back towards her. She clearly has feelings for me, because she does the same thing. I just cant wrap my head around her having feelings for me, but not wanting a future with me I guess.
Hey Timetogo, Wow, this certainly is a tough situation. Before anything else you need to put your own welfare first. If this situation of being friends-with-benefits is causing you pain you need to move yourself away from it. I am not sure whether she is heterosexual, she certainly seems to be comfortable being intimate with you so perhaps it is just something she is struggling to ascertain and define, herself. Maybe this is a conversation you both need to have. Tell her that you care for her and love what you have but that you find it painful for it to be in a different way than you envisioned. At this point, you could discuss her sexuality some more and see if the issues she feels are as a result of her own insecurities or concerns. Sometimes the most comforting thing is to be frank. If there is a way that you can be with her in a way that is ideal for you both- together, in love, then what a brilliant turn of events. However, if she isn't prepared to address these concerns, be 'out' and what you need in a relationship perhaps now is the time to cut things short and find someone who can fulfil what you need. There is NEVER anything wrong with being selfish in what you want in a partner but it's also important to understand that if you cannot accommodate each other adequately, it's best to break out of that mould and explore other avenues. Let me know how it goes! H
Hi H. Thank you for the reply! We finally had the conversation. It took all night and there was a lot of tears on both our parts, but I think its broken off for good now. To me, she seemed more upset at the idea of losing me as a friend than losing our relationship, which was a big red flag to me. I know she loves me, but if she honestly feels there won't be a future with us then its time I move on... or try to anyways. I would love it if we could stay friends. After all, we were friends before any of this started. But how do you stay friends with someone when there's still so many feelings there? All I'm going to be able to do when I'm around her is think about how things used to be. I'm not sure how to proceed from here.
Hello timetogo, i know how hard it is for you not to be able to have her as your gf, but i guess it would be better if you'll just be friends, if she's straight then that would be hard, maybe she'll say yes at first but in the end she'll end up getting married,and it will be painful for you. Just like my own experience, i met my gf, she said yes but warned me she wants to have her own family but i just ignored it, it's my fault anyway, and right now she's married but we're still on..it's kinda hard especially on my part but that's the consequence im facing right now,that's reality..i gave too much love to her that i couldn't break out, it's really hard, she felt the same way, i've been selfish with my decision but it's my choice anyway..what im trying to say, don't push it if you knew what she wants in the first place, i know how hard it is to be friends with her but it will be more difficult if in then end you'll mess up everything especially your friendship, if you're meant to be then go for it but for now just be there for her as a friend.
its better if ur friends for now and in time there will be sign for both of you that you are meant b more than friends. When that sign comes then u go for it
