Apologies in advance for the length. I'll give some background information: I live and I am from the UK went traveling alone around Europe for a couple of months before Christmas which I really enjoyed as it was something I always wanted to do, while traveling Europe at the age of 23 I finally felt comfortable enough to come out of the closest to my parents and brother via email they all seem fine with me being gay. However since I've got back it hasn't really been discussed at all. I've always been a social awkward, quiet, geeky guy who hasn't had many friends as I find quite hard to make friends. I have however come out to a couple of friends from college and they seem cool with it but they live quite far away from where I live. I have been with a few guys (safely) but they just seem to be after one thing. I would like to meet and make some gay friends and long term find a boyfriend but I don't know where to start and I feel socially less developed than people my age as I have come out at 23 and because of this I feel so alone :icon_sad:
You think your post is long? Look around, brother. Some of us write books here... Try visiting the Later in Life forum here on EC. It may not sound to you like the right place, but it's filled with awesome people, and a collective wisdom that will amaze you. I want to say more, but I've got to go for a bit, but I'll be back soon...
You could try getting on the dating scene wherever you live, or if you have any girl friends see if they'd like to come to a gay bar with you, you'll meet other gay guys that way.
I could've written a lot of those things about myself, although I'm 26, live in the US, and haven't done anything more than hug a guy. I'm trying to do the online dating thing but it's been fruitless (no pun intended) thus far. I really can't give you a whole lot of advice but you should know you are totally not the only one who feels the way you do.
EC, and online forums in general, is a great place to make friends without having to worry about people just talking to you to get in your pants. Also, gay guys are everywhere, and often the ones that are also interested in long-term relationships are found outside of the stereotypical areas like gay bars. You might try joining a gay group that does something you're interested in.
Hi again, 123... Me too. When I was in high school, I was completely isolated until my junior year, when a handful of guys as geeky and awkward as I was formed a posse and welcomed me into it. But that was pretty much it for a long, long time. I have always described myself as a shy, awkward kid. But now that I'm coming out of my closet, and getting to know myself, I've realized that I became shy and awkward because I sensed a difference in myself from those around me, and it was uncomfortable. So I retreated into myself all my life until someone else finally dragged me out to 'play.' And I'm not talking about sex, just about companionship, common interest, trust, and in a couple of cases, love. Love and sex are different animals. Intimacy, and trust, and emotional connection don't require sex. For a glimpse, read the thread "So, love..." in the Later in Life Forum. You may find, as you get to know yourself better, that the awkwardness may fade some. Or not. It doesn't really matter. I work with young people quite a lot, and I find awkwardness endearing. But I also find kids who are comfortable in their own skin, at ease with themselves, and I find them inspiring. Ah, but we live in a time of free long-distance calling and Skype. Think you could get comfortable with that? No matter what you talk to your friends about, it's a connection to the world. And if they're the right kind of friends, willing to explore emotion and feeling, all the better. Oh, there's so much out there for you... Some suggestions: - Does PFLAG have a presence in the UK? If not, I'm sure there's an equivalent. Great resource, where you'll find people looking for the same kind of support that you are. - There's EC, of course. What a loving, insightful bunch of folks hang around here! Everyone here is largely anonymous, but many will fast feel like you've known them--not how they look, or how they sound, but who they truly are--your entire life. You can lose your awkwardness here, and give your inner self room to breathe. This is the safest place I've ever known. - Google is your friend. Search for LGBT Activities (or any other arrangement of those 4 letters) and LGBT Support, and let Google use your location. You'll be surprised. I live in a pretty rural area, 2 hours from a major city, but with a city of 50,000 or so about an hour away. And I found groups that meet for dinners once a week, groups that go for a hike or run every week, welcoming churches, and so on. - Do you live near a college or university? If so, look for a Gay-Straight Alliance or similar group. Generally, these groups are not people looking to hook up. They're folks looking for a community they can feel a part of. - Find a good therapist to talk to. If you can't find or afford one, find a gay-welcoming church, and talk to the minister/pastor. These folk are often plugged into the network you're looking for. So, in addition to being someone to talk to about your feelings, they're more likely to be able to help you find additional resources. It's probably true that many guys your age, comfortable with their sexuality, are simply on the prowl. But 'many' doesn't mean 'all.' The others are out there. You just have to summon up the courage to find them, and to not give up when an attempt fails. Finally, you may feel alone. I did, too, for over 50 years, even when married. But here, on this site, you are not alone and, eventually, in the wider world, you need not be alone. I'm always available to talk. Our age difference is great, and we live on opposite sides of the world. But we may have more to share. Btw, just as a disclaimer, I'm old enough to be your grandfather, and have never done more with another guy than hug. But age does seem to melt away here... /Ed.
Hey, I also live in the UK and I have recently started living openly. My experience is that you will get to know a lot of people if you join university groups and that kind of things. It is true that when you go out to clubsthe majority of the people just want to get into your pants (or however you want to call it) so I have recently started to join other things such as a theater group and an LGBT latin dance group. I think it is a nice way to make some friends (and hopefully something more soon )
Wow I didn't expect so many reponses and I don't know how to quote multiple posts so I'll reply individually to each on here. Well I live quite near to Brighton where there is a huge gay scene, I haven't come out to any girl friends yet I'm not sure how they would react as they are quite religious and I'm unsure of their views on LGBT people. ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2014 at 09:02 PM ---------- Thanks Semi-Charmed its nice to know I'm not the only one in the same boat (*hug*) ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2014 at 09:09 PM ---------- Thanks for the advice Resu I love football (soccer) and F1 so I'll try and find a gay group interested in that ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2014 at 09:11 PM ---------- And I have found EC to be a nice place with people going through similar things
Thanks for your replies and advice. I also at secondary school ages (11-16) fell into the geeky group of friends but haven't seen any of them since school. The friends that I have come out too are from college (16-18). I have quickly looked at the LGBT later in life section and the So love thread which seems intellectually way over me. I also feel really uncomfortable talking face to face with people or via phone. I find it much easier talking via text and email. Thank you for all the different possible groups for me to look into which I'll do over the weekend its a shame the UK education at school on LGBT issues is shockingly poor I do live not far from Brighton which has a big student population. I know it won't be plan sailing trying to find a boyfriend, there will be many bumps in the road ahead and finally thank you for offering you ear for if and when I would like to talk. ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2014 at 09:56 PM ---------- Thanks Justin it's nice to know I'm not the only one and I hope they do too
Thanks for the advice and sharing your life experiences Julieno, I'll try and find local groups as I never went to university and I hope you are successful in finding something more soon ---------- Post added 31st Jan 2014 at 10:15 PM ---------- Thanks treeofleaves for the video unfortunately the speaker doesn't work on my phone so I will try and watch the video soon with sound.
I felt the same way at first, but I suggest reading it again, and really thinking about the words you read. Some of the posts are more approachable than others. There's also a thread about starting to feel, or something like that. It's way more approachable, and spoke to me very clearly-- though that may be due to my age, who knows? I wish you the best. /Ed.
