I'm in an almost three year relationship with my partner. We've lived together for 70% of that duration and have a lovely dog and rent a very cosy home together. As in many relationships, we've had our share of arguments and fights but for the most the environment is very calm, loving and supportive. I know for sure my partner's love for me is genuine and he would do anything to support me emotionally. He has always been there for me and since the day I met him, i've always told myself there is absolutely no one I can see myself being with in this world. He just understands me and knows how to respond to my emotional needs. In the past year, I've been finding myself reminiscing here and there on my days of being single. I'd once in a while tell myself how I didn't take full advantage of my days of being single in particular of the 'exploration' department such as having a lot of one night stands and trying out more sexual position there is in the book. Though I have had some share of sexual exploration during my single days, I feel I haven't experimented to the fullest due to simply not feeling it when the opportunity presented itself. In other words, the thought always looked better in my head but never did in practice. Probably part of being the introvert I am. I fear that my constant reminiscing of these days is going to jeopardize my relationship. Honestly speaking, there is a big part of me that keeps wondering what life would be like if I we're to end my relationship and go back to being single and going all out this time. Then again, there is another part of me that feels I will regret doing this. It basically comes down to the 'grass being greener on the other side' analogy. It is important that I note that this is my first serious relationship. I came out of the closet when I was 19. I've had roughly two and a half years of being single and indulging in the gay culture (clubbing, sexual exploration, ******, etc). The longest relationship I've had when I was single was probably no more than two weeks. I would like to hear people's different perspectives on this. Is it normal that I am having these thoughts? Is it normal that when I occasionally I would wish I could be back in my single days trying out those very positions with no doubts, particularly when I watch the occasional porn at home or noticing an attractive customer at work? Or am I deluding myself into thinking I should be in this relationship. Please share.
Would love to hear people's input on this. Or if you can refer me to threads that answer this too that would be awesome
I understand what you mean, and I think it even happens to people who have had their exploration period and then settle down. Everyone at some point considers what they might possibly be missing out on when they commit to someone. I think it has something to do with social discourses and the pressures put on experiencing life (and the possibility of your partner holding you back). The real question is though, do you really need to do that? Besides sleeping around, will you really be missing out on things (which you could possibly do with your partner)? And ultimately, would it be worth throwing away a relationship to go back to the "single life", when after a little bit of fun you'll most likely be craving a stable relationship again? Personally I wouldn't end a good relationship to just go through the single life phase. I've committed early, and, well, if it ends I will be able to indulge in it. But for the mean time, I'll indulge in experiences with my partner that you can't indulge in as part of the 'single life'.
Very nicely said. Thanks for your input. It definitely has to do with human nature. The grass is always appears to be greener on the other side.
I would agree with Tycho, that sexual exploration is overrated versus a good relationship (emphasize good). I've been single for a while, and the sexual exploration aspect is overrated. It's obviously very fun, but I personally find the fun feels hollow after a bit. What I would do in your place is see if you and your boyfriend can spice things up. You're obviously getting a little bored with the quiet happy life you've established, so maybe suggest to your boyfriend that you'd like to reawaken some passion and maybe start "dating" each other again. I don't mean take a step back in the relationship, but maybe return to "asking each other out" (vs discussing going out for dinner, etc), and bringing back the small romantic gestures you used to have early in the relationship. If you try that, and you still find yourself increasingly bored, it may be time to consider where your relationship is going. Some relationships are great at the beginning, but for whatever reason just seem to fizzle a couple of years in, whereas others last for decades. It applies to straight and gay people. I would be very cautious in jeopardizing your relationship if you're not 100% sure of what you want, but at the same time you should be happy in a relationship.
Great ideas there. As simple as some may find this thread to be, I feel this is an issue that plagues many in the gay community. We are after all a community where on the shallow surface a non-stop partying 'happy' culture is portrayed, so it is easy for us to fall for those attractions. I will admit I still haven't fixed any of my issues some of the inputs provided here are definitely a good basis to start.
