The guy I was dating suddenly did a 180 overnight

I've been on 4 dates with this guy I met off of a dating website. Before I continue, I'll clarify yes, I know dates originating from dating websites are often volatile and more often than not don't work out. He's not the first person I've dated for a bit from a dating website, but he was very different from the others.

First, he didn't seem to have any emotional baggage like a lot of the other guys I met off of the website. He's young (he's 18, I'm 19), upbeat and projected a really positive vibe during our dates and via texting. He's going to college, and I'm on a 1 year hiatus before University.

Secondly, during conversation on one of the later dates he mentioned he didn't use OKC a lot and that I was not only the first guy he's been with (romantically and physically). I'm pretty sure he was telling the truth, as there was no pressure to say otherwise, as I had mentioned that I'd been in a couple of relationships (and it was all discussed very positively, I made it clear that I was over my exes).

Thirdly, he was always the one to push the intimacy envelope. I've long since learned not to smother someone you've just started dating, so I avoid constantly bombarding the person with texts. He did the opposite, he frequently texted me, sent me pics of what he was up to, etc. I kinda liked the enthusiasm, myself.

Anyways, so we had a great date last Thursday, he had me meet his parents and I stayed over at his house! And when I left he was saying things like he "wanted to be in my arms forever", and such. I reciprocated the sappiness, but I by no means forced it.

Anyways, so fast forward to Saturday, he was unusually silent all day, didn't text me once. Whatevs, it was a little odd, but I wasn't freaking out about it. Same thing today, so I thought I'd send him a message seeing how he's doing and if he still had a ride to get to my place monday. He replies back that he's not able to visit Monday or the whole friggen week because of schoolwork. If he had been deluged in sufficient school work on Friday to fill up his whole following week, I think he'd have let me know then. So obviously he's just blowing off the date, but what completely throws me is why. It seems to me like he really invested himself in "us" working out, so it seems bizarre that he'd suddenly do a complete 180 and withdraw abruptly. It's not like I forced intimacy on him too quickly or anything.

Anyone have something similar happen to them, or have any perspective?

 

Heh, I put it in bold to help people slog through my often long, rambling posts. To be honest, I can't say I've ever had my entire week suddenly become completely filled with schoolwork over the space of a friday classes. The only time something like that happens is exams, and they're not until April.

Even if he is busy all of this week, I don't know why he wouldn't have told me when he would have found out on Friday, or even Saturday. He not only didn't do that, but he just abruptly stopped communicating until I texted him today. I'm not clingy, I don't expect every person I'm dating to check in with me 24/7, but he happened to set that pattern over the last 2 weeks. He always was keeping in contact, and when I established that he was a very extroverted person, I reciprocated it. If either had happened alone, I'd shrug it off, but abruptly not talking to me and blowing off a date he's known about for the last few days seems like a bad sign to me.

Now, I'm not trying to fight against myself here; I'd love for it to just be that he's busy. To be honest, I'm just looking for other people's similar experiences to help strengthen that optimism, because I really like this guy. He really inspires me to be my best.

I totally understand people being busy. And I should clarify I'm not just sitting on my ass, I work full-time. I have responsibility as a supervisor at my job. It takes up a lot of time, but I still find time to visit the people who are important to me. But when it comes down to it, I can accept that he might not be able to make that date. That's fine. What I'm concerned about is that the mechanics of our relationship abruptly changed overnight, or at least as I perceive them. In my experience, when a person suddenly stops communicating and flakes on a date, it usually is a major "slow-fade" sign. I'm more than willing to be wrong of course, that's why I'm talking to you guys, to get some neutral perspective, and I appreciate it

 

Well yeah, that part did irritate me. As far as it seems, he would have just been silent until Monday, since I heard nothing from him until I texted him at 5 today. The only reason I found out was because I asked. And this is why I'm so thrown, is that so far we've had great, open, communication. I would have expected him to just say he's busy, and give me a day he thinks he's not.

I'll give him the benefit of the of the doubt (maybe he was putting off cancelling because he assumed I'd be pissed or something, who knows) for now, but if the lack of communication keeps up things will be looking pretty bad.

 

Well he visited his Dad's this weekend, but he actually mentioned it was a positive experience. Apparently he and his step-mom had a convo and have patched some things up, so there's less tension there. Before you say it, I don't think it's anything to do with his being out. He's been out to everyone since 15, so I think it's been long enough for any drama to pop up.

But at the same time, it would certainly explain why he did a 180, since it makes more sense than him meeting someone else (which is still a possibility, but would be odd considering how much he invested in me and him, having me meet his mom and step-dad, and such. They didn't come off as the type to appreciate him dating around, I mean they subtly conveyed that I had to sleep on the couch, which I respected. But they really seemed to like me, so I don't think it has anything to do with them.

Yeah, I'm really hoping things will work out, but I'm getting a lot of bad signs. I mean, a part of me wants to ask what's up, even if I don't like the answer, but I feel like if I start digging it might come off as clingy. I'm so conflicted, I feel like he's giving signals that he needs space/has lost interest, but I feel like we built up momentum, and if we lose it, things will just fizzle. So I'm stuck in a "Should I reciprocate the silence/Should I reach out" loop.

 

Well, woke up to a text from him saying "Can't wait to see you again ". This was after saying nothing for 2 days in a row. So obviously I was excited and said I might be able to do something in the city this weekend, which he got really excited about. Then he texted me saying he couldn't make that either because he had his Grandma's 75th birthday in Quebec, which I'm going to believe considering he seemed to want to see me.

So things are obviously a lot better than they originally seemed, but I'm still going to be cautious since regardless he definitely changed between Friday and now.

 

Well I think I may have an answer to his weird change in behavior. We've been messenging on and off for the last few days, and eventually today he ended up asking me whether we could slow things down and get to know each other better. I guessed that he was referring to sex, which we did jump into relatively quickly (second date), but that isn't unusual as I've found most of my gay dating experience has been that way (and I never push for sex, we just end up making out and it goes from there). Anyways, so I figured it would be best to simply ask what exactly he meant, so that I'd definitely be on the same page. His answer was that yes, he definitely wants to date me, but that he wants to slow down on the sex front. I guess I should have seen that coming, as he was a virgin (to everything, including kissing) when we met.

This most likely explains his change in behavior, he probably decided he wasn't comfortable with having sex yet, but didn't know how to broach the subject with me and ended up just avoiding me. I can definitely see that putting pressure on him, as we're still really getting to know each other, and he wouldn't know that I'm not super-needy in the sex department.

Anyways, so I'm definitely alright with that and told him that. I'm still not entirely sure if he's entirely ready to date (even though he says he wants to), so I'm not going to get my expectations high. I'm just going to do things as best I can and see what happens.