Is it worth it if you really like someone? Up until relatively recently, I had never actually had a proper relationship. I had hooked up with a couple of guys in secret, and numerous girls openly and also been on a few dates but I'd never had anything serious. Then I started talking to this girl about 2 months ago and we really hit it off. One night she came round to mine, and we had a great time together. I asked her if she wanted to be my girlfriend and she said yes. The following weeks were pure bliss. I really felt a strong connection to her and, despite my self depreciating nature, I trusted in her and actually felt like she cared about me and liked me. We got more and more intimate and we had sex before too long, further deepening my infatuation with her. On Thursday night, she was acting really weird, saying she's cheated on guys before and she fears she's gonna hurt me. She kept saying strange things and I didn't really understand what she was talking about. The next night, she slept with another guy. She wasn't even apologetic; she was incredibly blunt and the closest thing I got to sorry was "Told you I'd fuck up". I haven't seen her since before the cheating occurred, the last time I saw her was last Wednesday when we went to the Cinema together. I feel really betrayed and hurt by what she's done, but I still have strong feelings for her. My trust in her has taken a hit and may not recover but she's an amazing person who I really connect with. She's very sexy, has a great sense of humour, is subconsciously warm and kind without even meaning to and I love that about her. We connect immensely well but since the incident she's been acting distant and we've barely talked. I feel as if she's trying to make me hate her and dump her because I know she has problems with her self worth like I do. What would you recommend? Have any of you been cheated on? What did you do?
I believe a lot of people stay with a cheater, but not in their 18... Usually after long relationship when they realize that there are more important things to them than an-all-time-exclusive relationship. Some people are also OK with an open relationship. I doubt that you are one of them (from what you have written). I can only guess why she is doing it. Maybe she is not able to have a stable long relationship (she needs new exciting experiences all the time). Maybe she is not as much in love as you are. Be careful not to be too much dependable on her. She clearly doesn't want to change and your plea and begging would not help, it would make the things worse for you. (*hug*)
It's time for an ultimatum! You gotta have another serious discussion, not right after work/college/etc or when you're tired, talk calmly when you're a little relaxed. Tell her the cheating is hurting you, and that if she'll tries to change then you'll support her totally. You're being loyal to her and you should expect the same. It seems to me that she doesn't respect you much and maybe not herself either. You can't help somebody that doesn't try to help themselves. No amount of love can fix them. It tells me a lot that she didn't even say sorry. It IS possible to resolve this but it'll be difficult.
if you count 14 year olds 'relationships'..... then okay when i was 14 i cheated on this guy who i was with (we were only togetehr a few weeks) and i dumped him the next time i saw him, i said sorry and everything but i couldnt be with him knowing i did that. (i kissed another guy not anything sexual). it could be her way of saying/doing what i did like you said so you have to end up dumping her because she might not want to hurt you anymore than she has. if she didnt even appologise it sounds a little like she doesnt even care that much. you are worth someone who cares. if she knows she was goign to 'mess up' then she shouldnt be in a relationship with someone who wants to be exclusive to only her. have you sat down and spoken to her at length about what she did and what happened and how you think you can resolve it? i think its a face to face discussion that can only resolve this. that way you get a feel for her body language e.t.c. you can work through it but i honestly wouldnt hold your breath, you are worth more than her. she may be awesome and everything but if someone doesnt appologise for cheating or something it says a lot about them imo. (*hug*)
As far as I'm concerned once someone has cheated on you thats it in terms of a relationship because the trust is gone and I dont just mean for you. You would find if you stay in a relationship she most likely will be frequently suspicious of you cheating. That said i dont think a friendship is off the cards
Thanks for all the replies. I went to hers yesterday for the first time since the incident and spent 3-4 hours there. Even though we didn't explicitly talk about events like we should've done, things weren't right and there was a definite tension that built and built until I finally left. I'm done with her. I thought I could stay with her because of my feelings for her but actually seeing her just made me kind of angry at all the false promises she made and how she broke my trust. I'm sad about it right now but I think it's the right decision in the long term.
