So, I had been dating this girl since September 12th, 2012. We got along great. Both of us were shy but it seemed to be going good. She's had troubles in the past with guys cheating on her and I was her first 'girl' (until I came out as a trans). Her parents aren't good people and tried to discourage her from dating me. In December of that year she wound up in a mental hospital all the way until November of the next, and so I didn't get to see her. But I waited patiently and I didn't cheat. I could never do that to her. And when she got home, I gave her her space but tried to be subtly affectionate (I always said I love you first, I hugged her whenever she left, but I wasn't clingy). And... She never started being affectionate with me. I guess she had relationship issues. I asked her last month to be more romantic towards me and she said okay, but after that, she just withdrew into herself and stopped coming over. Whenever I've asked her if she wants to come over and hang out or spend the night, she's said she doesn't feel like it. And this is the same girl who HATES being home and loves going out places. So I finally snapped and I called her on the phone and said I was breaking up with her because I don't feel like she loves me as anything more than a friend. And what really hurts is that she didn't even say no to that. She didn't say anything to it, she just said okay and that she was sorry. I feel so naive now. I had my head in the clouds, so far in the future that I was thinking about marrying her someday. And now, without her, I feel like my plans for the future are broken up because they always included her. I hate being single. I hate having to spend another Valentine's day alone, I feel so lonely. And the worst part is that no one seems to get it. I just wish we could have worked out. There's no chance she'll come begging me to come back, or anything like that; she's not that kind of girl. Chances are she's already over me. I feel pretty worthless. Anybody have any advice on getting over this..?
Time, distance, distraction, a good movie and Ice cream. Time - Everyone knows that old saying about time healing all wounds, sadly it takes more than we're willing to accept distance - both physical and pycological, try not to think about her and definitely don't see her for a while. distraction - keep yourself busy, look for someone else, pick up a hobby Movie and Ice Cream - well, this one probably falls under distraction, but definitely give yourself time to be sad about the loss of the relationship Hope this helps, sorry you got treated so bad and know that there is someone out there it's her loss (*hug*)
I have experienced parts of what you are experiencing seperately. About a year and a half ago, I met a guy (bi like me) in my last year of high school that I really, really clicked with. For the first time I had met someone I was fully and completely attracted to, compared to the fizzles that had been my earlier attempts at dating. I thought the world of him, I was there for him, but he was never there for me. Sometimes he was artificially there, but looking back on it, it was just so he could feel good about being so important to someone (it turns out he has pretty severe narcissistic tendencies and lived off the one-sided affection I gave him). It really hurt realizing that the person I cared for so much turned out to not only not have any feelings for me, but didn't even have the affection of a friend for me. He just enjoyed the attention I gave him. Unlike your case, we never had an actual relationship, but I'm sure the pain was similar, as I like you, thought he was my soulmate. All I can say is that you will find someone else. I never thought I would, but I have dated a few people since, and am currently dating someone that I really hope may end up being a serious relationship. I'd also emphasize that although it may feel like you've lost a soulmate, but I'd point out that what you had was pretty one sided, a real relationship should be loving on both sides. That may sound depressing, but I found it gave me hope when I realized that not every relationship had to be like what I had with my crush, and that the people you will see will be just as excited to see you as you are to see them. For the time being, I'd agree with SomeNights, you need time apart first and foremost. Don't reconcile easily, remember that she very clearly has issues that cannot be resolved overnight. Even though it might be tempting just to jump back into things, you'd be setting yourself for this whole thing to just repeat itself and put you through everything a second time. Don't even try to see each other "just as friends" right now. I tried that with my crush, and all that did was just constantly keep him on my mind. It was impossible to just shut my feelings off at that point, it took a few months before I had moved on enough to see him casually. I'd also emphasize distracting yourself by being with friends. I found I didn't have the motivation to do anything alone, and just ended up thinking about him. What helped me the most, was rekindling some older friendships and spending a lot of time with them. Trust me, it's very refreshing to have a few hours when you can focus on someone else and escape from your memories of her. No matter what you do, try to spend as little time home alone as possible, you'll just end up sitting around brooding. Even if you can't spend time with people 100% of your day, do things like go for walks. Even if you end up thinking about her during them, in my experience it's much better than just sitting at home, and end up being more positive thoughts (like actual proactive introspection and thinking about moving on from the person you have feelings for).
