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Apparently, my friend has fallen out with me because I told him I was gay last?!?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by HackTGoon, Feb 4, 2014.

  1. HackTGoon

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    Okay, a bit of back story.

    I came out at school on the first day back after the Christmas half term and I haven't had a single bad thing happen to me at all. I was over joyed and super happy, and I can joke with my friends about it now, rather than get embarrassed if it comes up.

    So any ways, I walk to school with this guy, lets call him K, and he came back 2 days after the holidays because he has Carbon Monoxide poisoning all the winter break. So while everyone found out on the 5th, he found out on the 7th. On the way to school on the 7th I told him I came out at school. At first he thought it was some kind of joke, but I told him I was serious and he was like.... "Oh that's fine. You're not one of those musical girly acting gays are you?" and I was like "No I am not, at all." and he was like "Then it's all good."

    So... I don't know how many weeks have passed... 5..? Well, up to today he, along with everyone else, he's been fine. No problems at all. So during Religious Education (Ironically may I add) a group of my friends were going through a list of celebrities I might like. They're super cool about it, so they wont judge me or anything, so I answered their questions.

    So, another friend in the group, lets call him N (If you read my previous threads, this is the guy I am super in love with) asked me who was the first person I told, and I said it was him. So K was like... "well, who was next?" and I went through a list of people I came out to in the rough order I did, as accurate as possible, before I came out at school. And he asked who was last, so I told him you was, because you were off with Carbon Monoxide poisoning. I also said that the way he has acted in the past had made me doubt what would happen to our friendship (strictly just a friendship might I add, I have no interest in him) if I told him. Also, he's my longest friend of 12 years, so I wanted to leave him last just in case anything bad happens.

    When I explained to him why, he got angry. He said I didn't trust him and that our friendship was worthless if I thought like that. This was while the teacher was explaining to the class, so she stopped and asked what all the fuss was about and he shouted "I'm not having a gay guy call me a homophobe" (May I add that I DIDN'T). The teacher, knowing I am gay, told the class to get on with the work while she came over and sorted it out. I explained to her the situation while K was getting redder and redder. Then he flipped and through his chair over the table and walked out of the class.

    I was so mad at him, and everyone was been supportive of me, telling me not to listen to him, which was greatly appreciated. (&&&)

    So now I don't really know what to do.
    I explained to him why I told him last, and he ignores me when I attempt to talk to him in person and online. Personally, I thought it was an over reaction, and all an act for some stupid reason, but he was out of order.

    All responses will be greatly appreciated :slight_smile:
     
  2. SemiCharmedLife

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    I'd imagine my best friend would feel hurt and confused and maybe a bit jealous if I told all of my other friends before I told him. But it does seem he's overreacting, especially since you would've told him if it weren't for his being sick.

    I say give him some time to get over it and then try talking to him again in a few days.
     
  3. Minx

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    Well, to be honest. It sounds like he took offense to his own homophobia. (The comments on musicly, girly gays, etc.) He got hurt because he thinks he's a lot more open-minded than he really is. So, when you implied he wasn't as accepting it ruffled his feathers.

    I would just leave him alone. Let him do some introspection, but if he still doesn't at least attempt some form of communication. I'd give up and just close the door on that friendship.
     
  4. HackTGoon

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    Thanks both of you. I think space is what he needs, so I'll just leave him to his own devices , and let him make up the friendship if he wants to, if not then it's his loss.
     
  5. SemiCharmedLife

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    No prob. If he doesn't come to his senses on his own you can try and bring it up in a few days if you're ready. You could also maybe see if any of your mutual friends know why he's being like this?
     
  6. resu

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    Yes, there seems to be more to the story. He shouldn't have overreacted; maybe he realizes he was a little homophobic (what else can you call his discomfort with "musical girly acting guys"?) before and is angry that he's been "outed" as such to others.
     
  7. GayDadStr8Marig

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    maybe reach out someway, text/email/voicemail, or just talk to him next time you see him and try to explain that coming out to someone close to you whose opinion you value is sometime more nerve wracking than telling more generic friends because you don't have as deep connection to them.

    it does sound like he has some repressed homophobia, and instead of owning up to that he lashed out at you. reach out then give him.space to deal with his emotions. coming out is stressful to the people.close to you too, they need time to process things.
     
  8. WhiteShadows

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    He'll come round. If he doesn't, tell him again why you waited to tell him and remind him that he's an important friend to you and you didn't think he was a homophobe at all. If he still doesn't come round, his loss indeed.