I'm not looking to score sympathy points or have a pity party...I just really need a hug from some of you lovely LGBT people who will understand. :icon_sad: I'm very sad and I want to cry--I think I was rejected by the girl I like. I've mentioned her before, and in short, she thinks she should have been born as a male. In high school, she was treated so badly by the girls (including one she had feelings for) that now she's very afraid of embracing this side of her, and it's buried down pretty deeply. Tonight I ran down to the learning center on campus to give her something to drink and a break since she's been stressing out. For the first time in a long time, I got to touch her by hugging her, stroking her neck, and running my fingers through her hair, which she likes immensely (when we're in private). We got to talking about all kinds of personal things like these and learning more about each other, and it actually was a really wonderful evening. So, whenever she talks about "guys she likes," it always sounds to me like she's not actually very emotionally invested, but she feels it's her obligation as a female, if that makes sense. I think she told me as much one other time. However, she makes it sound like it's pretty much impossible for her to really be with a girl because in our time and age it will never fully be accepted. It will be hard, and it sounds like she was judged so much by others in the past that they cowed her mindset in the present to fear that homophobic judgement. Girls always told her, "if only you were a boy!" :dry: They wouldn't try to love her anyway. So I told her I think that she's more than any guy, rather than lacking. Here's the sweet/sucky part of all of this. She told me that she wishes she knew me when she was back in high school, and that she wasn't so scared that she can't be what I need. If she could have been with any girl, she would have wanted it to be me, with no other candidates. Pretty much, I'm the only girl she wishes she could be with. But. But! BUT!! She can't!! :tears: I'm really sweet and she told me thank you so much, but I have to enjoy her as a friend. :icon_sad: And she's getting closer with a guy who is sounds like she doesn't even care for too much. So I feel a bit of irony--now I'm no good because I'm a girl. I. Hate. Lesbian. Problems!! :tears:
