Hello, I have a big problem in my life. I met my best friend in 6th grade. We hit it off almost instantly and became good friends over a love of gaming and being social outcasts. We became best friends almost instantly. Were nearing the end of 7th grade, and this year has been extremely eventful. In 6th grade, I told my best friend that id been having some mixed feelings about myself. He said that he'd accept me no matter what and would be my friend regardless. At the beginning of 7th grade, I came out to him as gay, which he was perfectly okay with. I'd always had minor feelings for him, but this years they've over-escalated. My ex girlfriend and I broke up because I had a crush on a new South African boy at my school, And my best friend helped me through it. About a month later, my best friend told me that he was bisexual(id already came out as gay) and my heart raced with excitement. The next day, I made the mistake of asking him out. I knew I liked him but he was still discovering himself and I didn't realize that. I don't know why, but he said yes. This was probably the three worst days of my life. We told a few of our closest friends, two of which didn't care, one who did. She told many people and told us how we were going to hell and how it was a sin and wrong. Him and I stayed strong with each other, but it soon collapsed under our feet. He broke up with me, and I was terribly sad. I lost him so easily to drama and b***** "friends". The time is now very recent, and a lot has happened since then. Him and I told our parents we were gay/bi. My parents were fine with it, but my father didn't believe me. His parents however, freaked out, slandered him, mocked him, and scared him straight. About a week later, my cousin(whom I'm very close with and knew I was gay and had a past relationship with him) and him began dating. He tells me everything and so does she. I was 200% jealous of her, but no one knew I still had feelings for him. It's almost valentines day He's sent me pictures of his penis which he is completely OK with doing, even though he knows I have feelings for him and he has a girlfriend(my cousin ._.) him and I talk pretty flirtatiously to each other as well. I'm in love with him and everything about him. I don't know what to do. Everything about him is amazing, and I want to be with him almost constantly. He doesn't like me anymore, but one of his close friends told me she knows that he still has feelings for me he's just burying them. I don't know wether or not to wait for him, or move on… something I've been helpless at trying to do. Please someone help I'm so lost with myself and him.
It really breaks my heart when parents do this to their children. We're supposed to try to protect our kids from being hurt and prepare them for dealing with the harsh realities of the world when they grow up. I'd suggest getting your friend alone sometime soon and have a serious talk. Talk about how you feel for him, how his relationship with your cousin is affecting you, how him sexting you affects you. But don't knock him too harshly if he's being scared straight by his parents; he needs time and maturity to learn how to deal with that pressure. I've been learning for 23 years myself! Try to draw him out, find out if you can how he really feels about the two of you, about your cousin, about being pressured by his parents. You guys are young; if you're not able to be together romantically, then at least work on keeping your friendship. Love can be fleeting but friendships can last a lifetime if you're willing to work on it. Who knows, down the road as you guys grow older, you relationship can evolve. But keep in mind, at this point your friend has identified as being bi, so you need to prepare yourself that he may really be interested in both you and your cousin. In that case you'll need to figure out if you can handle being friends only while he's dating your cousin, and if he can dial back on the innuendo when talking to you (and lay off the photos). The whole sexting thing is foreign to me, we didn't have cell phones at that age. There have been so many horror stories of kids being blackmailed because of photos sent to supposed boy- or girlfriends, or worse those photos being leaked onto the internet. Please be careful and ask your friend to be careful; we don't want anything bad to happen to either of you for something as stupid as a picture. Just think with your big head instead and odds are you'll come to the right conclusions.
Thank you for that advice It really helped. It was and probably always will be physically impossible to talk to him alone(were banned from each other's houses because his parents are against me being gay, and vise versa) but I was able to talk to him alone over the phone. Basically, as an overview, he told me that he had no earthly idea as to why he sent me any of those pictures, and quickly moved on to something else. He told me that to me I will never be more than a friend to him and that even if he comes to realize he is truly gay or him and my cousin don't work out(which they won't, as you said were still young and I know them both inside and out. They don't connect.), I will still never have a chance with him. I've talked to some of my other close friends about it, and they told me that my best bet would to spend some time away from him and figure things out. I've had a tough confrontation with depression throughout my entire life, and some friends reassured me he'll come to his senses in hopes that id 'not do anything stupid'(which I didn't) I just don't know what to do about him again, should I stay away from him for a while so we can both figure things out, or just keep things normal? Also, about the sexting thing, that's over, 100%. I made it clear to him that I wasn't going to be his sex-experimentation or picture-swapper. All pictures were removed from both of our phones and didn't leak anywhere online(as far as I know and I've checked quite thoroughly). I just wish that there was an easy way to forget it all.
glad the sexting over i think seeing that he knows you still care for him and has a girlfriend it was very wrong of him to do that.
This whole depression epidemic... it's well.... depressing. I just don't know any other way to say it. I've tried to deal with it (hide it, deny it) for years, and it just sucks the life out of you. I've been in some dark places, fortunately the right people came along at the right time. I'm grateful I'm here to struggle with my terror at facing the horrible decisions I've made; as long as I'm here struggling, I have the chance to do better. You guys were best friends before the whole issue of both of your orientations came up, right? Then I'd say don't cut him out of your life completely at this point. Granted, parents have made it impossible to have a real in-person friendship at this time, but if you're able to stay in communication as friends do that both for yourself and him. It sounds like you're both on a footing to get your friendship back on track first. Who can say what the future holds? Don't hold out false hopes that he'll get over you cousin and fall back into your arms; it may happen, or it may not. Just be there for him as his friend, so that if their relationship fails as you expect you can help him through that pain.
It's been three-five hours of us not talking today... and I'm dreading it. The only thing I've had to keep me occupied was EC and I'm in love with the community here. I want to tell him I can't do this, but I don't know how I'd word it. Long story short, I miss him already but I don't want him to know that... the worst part is, it's his birthday. I can't do this to him. :/ And yes, we've been best friends through the whole issue and we still are now, but he's confused me so much with all the stuff he's done (i.e. sexting, flirting, compliments). I feel like I don't know what do because he used to talk to me about my cousin and what he should get her for valentines day, compliments, cheesy pickup lines, etc. It kills me inside every time and I don't know if I can handle it. Should I ask him to talk to someone other than me about her? Because I feel sick every time he does. Thank you for your wonderful support, I'll try to keep you(and anyone else who reads/replies) posted.
