I apologize in advance for the repetition but Im keeping personal information confidential. The person Im in love with is interested in my bestfriend. I've known this person since we were kids and I discovered that I was infatuated with love for this person just a few years ago. Last year I made it my mission to tell this person. But without my anyone knowing about my un-confessed love for this person, my best friend began to like this person more than a friend. So I got my bestfriend to pursue their interest and strive for this person's attention. And it worked! For a few months, last year, my best friend and the person Im in love with dated. Then the person Im in love with dumped my best friend, very unexpectedly and my best friend took it hard for a few days. This past month I've forgiven this person and then eventually attempted to get close with them again. Intending to ultimately proclaim my love. But earlier today my best friend was whining about being alone for valentines. I didn't think much of it but I considered helping my best friend. I talked to one of my best friend's ex and that ex shut down the idea completely. So trying to be a good friend I talked to the person Im in love with through message. My exact message was "do you still like (BEST FRIEND'S NAME)?" and this person's response approximately three hours later was "Lml why wassup...!" I didn't get that response until two hours later, by then I was already speaking with my best friend through text. Now when I texted my best friend two hours after the person Im in love with texted me, my best friend immediately responded my text with "guess what :icon_bigg " and after back and forth of "just tell me"s and "just guess" my best friend finally told me what I already had anticipated, "I'm talking to (PERSON IM IN LOVE WITH'S NAME)" I cried. I hardly ever cry. Im painfully but surely in love with this person. I've realized that I'll probable never tell this person how I feel but if that's the case then I need some type of remedy to nullify this burning pain that's over flowing my entire being. Some thing to hold back the tears that keep bursting out of my eyes and blur my vision. I need some type of closure. I need relief. Im tired of trying so hard. Im not going to write a novel on how much effort I've put into trying to build a relationship between me and the person I love. But its been a heavy task that Im through trying to see accomplished, three years is too long. Im almost 17 and this isn't what I should be focused on. Is there anyone who can give me something to bring me ANY kind of relief? THANK YOU FOR READING AND HELPING.
Unfortunately there's probably not anything anyone can say that will make you feel better right away. You're in a difficult situation and it's completely understandable that you're feeling pain right now. I know it's not much consolation, but I hope there is at least a small amount of comfort that you're being such a good friend to your best friend and are putting his/her feelings above your own. That's a very noble thing that a lot of people aren't strong enough to do. As you're not even 17 yet, I wouldn't be so convinced that you'll never have an opportunity to tell your crush how you feel. I know it probably doesn't feel that way right now, but you still have a ton of time to potentially have that conversation. You definitely shouldn't be actively hoping that this relationship between your best friend and your crush doesn't work out, but the overwhelming odds are that it won't. If the day ever comes where you're able to put your feelings out into the open, chances are both of those relationships will end up stronger when those two realize how much of a sacrifice you've made and how much emotion you've had to allow them to pursue a different path towards happiness. If you're more interested in moving on than being patient and seeing what happens, that's a tricky thing. I've never been in a relationship, sadly, but I've had a few extremely intense crushes over the years that have felt like they would be impossible to get over. It's a painful process, but with time you will feel better. Who knows, the catalyst for that may be that you come across someone else that for one reason or another you find really special. It always feels like that will never happen again, but it does. Hang in there -- you seem like a good guy and one way or another something will work out for you.
it is very good of you to put others feelings before you own. you are far more mature than other people your age. it will get easier.
Oh man, the tragic position of being between your crush and your best friend. >_< I'm sorry for the position you're in, and for the way you feel. But also, this is a feeling that everybody needs to experience and learn to deal with, because it's probably not the last time you'll feel this way. As for what you should do, I'd say that you just sit back and see what happens. If you get the opportunity to ask your crush out, do it. If you don't, whatever. It's tough to do that a lot of the time, but honestly, it's not the end of the world. Are you going to be sad for a little while? Yes. Are you going to die because of this, or ruin your chance of success in the future? No. Don't sweat the small things, dude. You're my age - we've got plenty of time to figure these things out.
Thank you everyone. I appreciate the compliments and encouragement. I actually tried to distract myself last night from it all and watch Red Dawn. (good movie) I cried a bit watching it and immediately after it ended I fell asleep. When I woke up in the morning I felt refreshed. Im still a little sad but I think I'll get through this. Im definitely never gonna get over my 'crush', as you guys put it, but moving on is what seems best right now. I thank you, mbanema, because I never really thought that telling my crush would build a stronger relationship. I guess thats because I mostly assumed my crush never noticed the things I tried to do for my crush when we were closer friends. I understand the idea of waiting but if I explained my entire relationship with this person from before I think you'd kind of understand why Im done waiting. And I'll admit it was mostly my fault for not fully expressing how I felt sooner but I guess back then I always thought that me and my crush wouldn't be so distant, like we are now. I dont know what to do exactly but Im going to take this one day at a time. I was texting my best friend earlier and usually Im really the only one my best friend texts and couple others but mostly me. But now I know that my best friend is talking to my crush again so my best friend hasn't been paying as much attention to me. You could say Im a little jealous which I am especially since I don't want to compete with the other person for my best friends attention but it kind of annoys me. I know its just jealousy and maybe if my best friend new about my crush on the other person then they wouldn't ignore me as much but that's not something Im willing to do yet. Anyways, thanks again for the advice. Im feeling a bit better but hopefully I'll be able to move on with my life because being a teen means I have other priorities.
I facetimed my bestfriend the other day and they seem really excited about talking to my 'crush' again. (they dated before) So a relationship between the two is most likely to happen and they seem to both really want this so I doubt that it wont work out. And I guess youre right about being young and having time but, its a little selfish of me, but I dont want to wait anymore. I just want to tell my 'crush' now or never. Because waiting has always led to more pain and if my 'crush' and my best friend get back together then Im most likely not going to tell my 'crush' how I feel now. So moving on does sound acceptable at this point but i don't know what might happen. Its actually kind of funny though because the one person I use to tell all my relationship problems to is the person Im in love with (my 'crush as you put it) and now the only relationship issue Im currently having is with that person. But anyways Im just going to keep posting to see what you guys think. And if there is an opportunity to express how I feel than I might just take it. - Thanks Everyone for the support.
Don't tell him about your feeling while this person in a relationship with your best friend. It's probably not want you want to hear, but chances are they're happy together at the moment and throwing a wrench like that could easily end up with you feeling worse and having two less friends. I'm afraid all you can do right now is just be the best friend you can and try to be happy for them, even if it's not easy. I wish there was better advice I can provide, but I really don't think there is anything. You can either focus on something else for now and see what happens to their relationship over time, or you can at least be open to the possibility of falling for somebody else, even if you're not actively looking. Side note: it's very difficult to write without knowing the gender of either your best friend or the guy you're in love with. You did an excellent job of avoiding pronouns.
They're not exactly in a relationship yet but they were in the past, like two months ago they were together. But my 'crush' broke up with my best friend and obviously they were separated for a while but now they're talking again. I guess the selfish part of me comes from the fact that I had just started talking to my 'crush' again about three weeks ago but it was scarcely. We weren't exactly friends again more like acquaintances and I tried to find the smallest excuses to talk to him but the consistency of our communication was at a max of once a week. And then my best friend just started talking to him again a couple days ago. I guess thats why Im kinda eager to either tell him now or never because they're not together again YET but I can't go through the whole "Guess what me and my boyfriend did/talked about today?" from my best friend again. Its a bittersweet torture really because Im glad my best friend is happy but slightly depressed at the same time. So thats where my reasoning for that it but you're right, I dont want to lose my best friend. SO Im lost again. I want to tell him how I feel but dont want to ruin any relationship between him and my bestfriend. I definitely dont want to drop this on him through a text or in the middle of school. I want to be able to face him when I say it but I feel awkward asking him to meet up. AND my best friend means a lot to me, I wouldn't dream of hurting her or preventing something from happening that would make her happy. I don't know what to do. NOTICE: I mentioned a gender for you
If they're not actually in a relationship yet it may be possible to bring it up without screwing things up too much. I think the first person you need to talk to is your best friend though as he's the one you have to worry about hurting. It would probably be okay if you casually asked him what's going on between him and the other guy and if he asks why, admit that you've had feelings for him from awhile. I don't know -- don't blindly listen to me about anything as I've never been in a relationship and clearly don't know what I'm doing -- but if you're going to do something it has to be either before or after those two end up in a relationship. During will only end up a disaster for everyone involved.
HAHA. My best friend is a girl. And it's not really that simple since the sole person who knows that im bisexual is my 'crush'. SO first there would be the whole acceptance of my sexuality which I know my best friend would be cool with but dropping two really important subjects on her is not what I want to do. Considering she really likes him too, I don't think I'd tell her any time soon... but I understand what youre saying. And that would be the most clever thing to do in my situation but its not that easy. I want to tell my 'crush' already because I don't think he feels the same way at all and I just want to deal with the rejection and move on! I feel like thats the only way I'll get over him really. Thats always been how I pictured the scenario, if/when I tell him and Im ok with that, but I just can't stand to wait anymore. I just want to get it over with already so I can be able to have a conversation with my best friend and if she happens to bring him up I'll know Im still in love with him but wont be thinking that there's that possibility that him and I could of been something more. If I know how he feels and he knows how I feel then I believe that'll solve everything for me. Its kind of selfish but I don't want to see him every day and think 'what if'. :icon_sad: Anyways, thanks for continuing to help me get through this. Its a weird situation, I know, and Im glad I have some one to talk to. And it doesnt matter to me that you havent been in a relationship, I find that the ones who havent been in as many relationships are the one that give the most logical advice.
Woah, that definitely complicates things a bit more if your best friend is a girl. It's already really difficult to try to put yourself between these two people, but it's another thing completely if it's possible this guy is straight. My advice still doesn't change though. I still think your friend should know before you talk to him. Not only would it bother her that you went after the guy she likes without talking to her, but she might feel betrayed that you didn't have enough faith in her to tell her that you're bisexual. If you're completely convinced that this guy would shoot down your advances, don't do it. I can definitely understand wanting to know one way or another and getting some closure, but if you're certain of a negative outcome, don't let it jeopardize your relationship with anyone else. As frustrated as you must feel right now, I can guarantee it would be worse to lose both of these people from your life. Whether you talk to this boy about your feelings or not, I think you'll be better off if you talk to your friend. You don't even need to have an objective; just let her know what's been tormenting you lately and chances are she'll be able to provide better advice than I could ever give. I know what you mean though...wondering "what if" all the time is the worst.
UGH. Everything youre saying is SO true!! :tears: I dont know how to act anymore. And I know for sure he's not straight... or wasn't last time we talked... its a long story.. but Im not sure what my best friend wants anymore. And the guy I love has always been complicated so I never know where he stands with her. And of course I dont want to lose either of them but I guess Im not ready to tell my best friend anything or wait for the day when my crush will actually talk to me for more than 15 minutes...:icon_sad: I couldnt be anymore lost right now. ---------- Post added 11th Feb 2014 at 04:07 PM ---------- I think Im willing to share more information about the guy Im in love with though. A couple years ago we were good friends. But then I didnt know I liked him & I didnt even know I was bisexual.. He had a step brother who was interested in me and I ended up kissing at one point. It was a smal peck, an innocent kiss but no one was suppose to know but his step brother ended up telling him. He came to me about it & I denied everything. I was scared because that was my first 'gay' experience and I was freaking out thinking he would tell everyone. But then he told me he was bi too, which I have to admit freaked me even more. So I didnt talk to either of them for a while then later ended up talking to the my 'crush' again. But I told him that I didnt want to "be gay with them". I was practically denying who I was. A week or so later we became closer friends and he was someone I could talk to about anything. We were friends for like months after that and it was awesome. Then one night he comes to my house so we could go for a walk and I admit to him that I fooled around with his step brother (not sex, im a virgin, just kissed and talked) and told him I was interested in it. I was trying to hint that I wanted to make out to see what it was like but at first it seemed like he wasnt catching on. Eventually we found a spot to just sit and chat and I finally just told him straight on I wanted to kiss him. He was hesitant to do it but then he just got the 'what the hell' type of attitude and agreed. Before I continue I want to add that the entire period before from my first 'gay' encounter til then I looked at guys differently and kind of knew that I was bi but didnt want to admit it. And my crush was an attractive guy in my eyes so I figured I should just try it. But that was a big mistake obviously ... anyways. So at first the kiss was weird and sloppy and he told me he didnt kiss much and I kind of guided him into it but it was awkward. At one point I grabbed his crotch (HAHA hormones) it was soo embarrassing. But then he started to kiss me for real.. I dont know how to explain it but it like took me to a whole other place and that was the origin of my love for him. We were kissing for a while actually (It was quite disturbing how long) Like we would talk and then go back to kissing. But then at one point we were kissing and it started to snow and we realized is was dark and really late. This was when I was around 14 years old so my mom definitely didnt like me being out late. I tried to walk him home but my mom is very dramatic and came looking for me, she picked me up off the side of the road and yelled at me the ride home.. it was embarrassing as hell but when I got home that kiss was all I could think of.. The rest of our relationship is history. But since then my crush grew into a strong like and into a love. I knew I loved him after certain things that happened and brought clarity to how I feel. But I stopped talking to him last year because of foolish reasons and that was the worst mistake Ive ever made... So now you know the beginning and the end. Hopefully that'll help you understand my frustration and anxiety.
Woah, those are some pretty big details to have left out! :eek: Even if it was a while ago (sounds like at least a few years?), you made out with this guy and had your hands in his pants -- I think he knows that you like (or at least liked) him. It's possible he thinks you've moved on or you were just curious or something, but it definitely won't be the big shock that you fear if you ever tell him how you feel. What you've said definitely makes your story both more interesting and confusing, but I still say if you want to act on it that you owe it to your best friend to talk to her first. Definitely don't out this guy to her by telling her about your past, but I think you should come out to her and let her know you're really attracted to this boy. For what it's worth, I do think you have at least a chance of making something happen if you ever force yourself to make some kind of a move, but whatever you do don't keep pushing the guy away from you.
I withheld that information because I didnt think it was necessary until we got deeper into this and I realized that I should tell you. HAHA sorry. And yea, at one point he knew that I liked him, but I never told him Im in love with him, thats the difference... I really would like to tell her about how I feel about him but thats just not possible. I cant bring myself to do it. I have another really close friend that at one point I called 'best friend' but were not anymore but we're still close. I almost told that friend but I totally chickened out and if I try to tell my best friend now and then chicken out again I doubt she'll let me get away with not telling her. And if Im not ready Im not ready but some times she can be really persistent. And plus the type of household I live in wouldnt exactly be very accepting if they found out about my sexuality. Im just terrified by the possibility of my secret spreading.. only my 'crush' knows and I kind of like it that way. :icon_redf
What is it you really want to accomplish by telling this guy that you're in love with him? Earlier you said that you were ready to accept rejection and just move on, but I don't believe for a second that's what you're aiming for. You want him to be pleasantly shocked, kiss you, look you in the eyes, and tell you that he loves you too. From my perspective, dating someone while in the closet is a very difficult proposition in the short term and nearly impossible over time. It can be very painful to have to hide someone so important to you from the world, and even more painful to have the same done to you. I know I personally might be willing to date someone who wasn't out if I were (a hypothetical situation which will almost certainly never happen), but I won't allow myself to pursue a relationship with anyone until I'm out simply because I know how much of a strain that would cause on both of us. I even turned down the opportunity to go on a date with someone who is absolutely stunning to me because of this recently, and while I've kicked myself for this every day since, I know I made the right decision. If you're not ready to come out, then by all means wait. This is something you have to be comfortable with and it needs to be done on your terms. With that said, I strongly advise you to to be prepared to come out before thinking of acting on these feelings. As much as it hurts right now to be in this kind of limbo situation, can you imagine what it would be like if he actually returned your feelings but you weren't able to have the relationship you want because you have to hide yourself from the world? I'm not sure if you'll be able to see that now but I think it would be significantly harder to deal with that.
All I really want is closure... if I were to tell him Im assuming I'll be rejected, which is why I said Im prepared for that, but of course I dream of him kissing me and feeling the same. Im in love with this boy. I know it sounds cliche but there hasnt been a day thats past since I kissed him two years ago that I havent though about him. I worry about him, I dream about him and no matter how hard I try to forget I cant. I get the boiling feeling in my gut when I see him and my throat closes when I try to speak to him. When I see him my eyes cant look away and when Im near him, even if Im just standing close to him for two seconds, it feels like my entire being will collapse and the one and only thing that keeps me together when we do speak is his smile. When his lips part and he expresses happiness around me it feels like nothing else in the world could possibly take that moment from me. Just thinking about the memories we've shared and the things we've done makes the 'butterflies' rouse. I could go on forever and explain how much I love him to you or any other stranger for that matter but to say it to him would bring peace to my soul. If he knew how I felt, whether he feels the same or not, thats what I want I guess... Im being selfish again. But to hold all this emotion in for so long and know that there were moments where I couldve just looked him in the eyes and told him how I felt but didnt, it tears me apart. Yes I wish that he loves me the way I love him but I cant say with confidence that he might. So Im prepared for rejection. But if he knew, I think I'd be able to find some closure and move on from this. I'll always love him no matter what but I cant keep this in anymore. Its a selfish thing to say but I dont want to bare this burden alone anymore.. I just want to tell him.. but I cant. :icon_sad::tears: ---------- Post added 11th Feb 2014 at 06:56 PM ---------- Im sorry if that was a little emotional...
I can definitely feel the emotion in your writing and can kind of relate. However, I'm still not so sure that closure is what you're really after. You may completely believe it is and think that the solution is just to get it out there that you're in love with this boy, but I don't think you'll feel better or move on any quicker if that blows up in your face. I think the only way that you'll be happy is if he ends up liking you as much as you like him or if you develop feelings for someone else. Unfortunately I don't think I have any more advice to offer beyond talking to your best friend before doing anything else. I think you'll feel so much better if you can get some of this emotion off your chest. I really do wish you luck though. I can tell how much you like this guy and I know what it's like to not be able to act on such strong feelings. It sucks. (*hug*)
Thank you for everything... I'll consider EVERYTHING you've told me. You've helped quite a bit believe it or not and Im grateful. Thank you for guiding me through this. And hopefully I'll be able to get some type of clarity.. again thank you so much. If anything happens I'll be sure to come to EC for advice. Its helped a lot.
No problem at all. Good luck; I hope you manage to work this out in a way that allows you to be happy.
