So, this has been discussed only a billion times but I'm going to ask for help, because I'm lost and I don't know what to do anymore. I am looking for help, as much as I can find. I am a junior in college, I am 20 years old and I have been out for about a year but have hated every minute of being gay (its stupid I know) Basically I am in love with my best friend/ roommate. I never dreamed of having a crush on him, in fact I hated him and his girlfriend (my once best friend) for a while. But when they broke up, I saw a new side to him. I saw a sensitive, sweet, caring, compassionate and honest side (he is a total jock so I never imagined this, I only roomed with him at the time because I was a 'friend', but hated his fucking guts and wanted a room to myself. I know im horrible) When they broke up I turned a 180 and fell for him like I have never before. I have liked guys in the past, but this is the first man I actually.... love..... maybe. I am sick and tired of this, I can't stand it. I am constantly sad, upset, and I am hurt when he falls for a girl. I'm not an amateur at this, I know how to cut feelings off trust me, but this one I can't cut off. We really are basically best friends now, we work out together every day, we practice tackling drills together, we even mess around/wrestle till one of us is bleeding and the neighbors call to complain. When I come home stressed he rubs my neck or does stupid shit like rub his head on my neck (he jokes around a lot). He is my best friend, and I want to keep it that way. What do I do? Please help, I never ask for help but I have no gay friends, and I'm stuck. I picked up smoking again, I drink a lot, and I work out every day just to pass time. The only thing I find joy in, is basically improving myself physically, working on my car and buying the most stupid shit. Yeah ive been drinking a little so please forgive the lack of coherence. At the end of the day, I care about him so much, but I need to cut it off. And he is not gay, that isn't even an option he is 100% straight haha. Peace out guys, thanks for any input to this. :icon_bigg
You need to start by talking to other guys. I know it may be hard because hes your best friend, but you can distant yourself from him you know that right? I think it's the matter of you loving him so you don't want to give yourself a reason to back off a little from him. Listen...it's hard but you have to love yourself first. You can't be there for him a best friend when you're like this. Smoking, drinking, stress... it's going to add up and take it's toll on you. Space yourself away from him.. do it slowly. Not something you can do over night. Does he know you're gay? Are you out? If you're out, go find other guys to talk to. You need to move your focus from him and on to someone else. I just saw your status said you're out to everyone... if he does know you're gay, you can sit him down and talk to him...tell him you need space because you're have feelings for him and it's hard on you. If he's your best friend he will understand that and give you the space that you need.
I know what you're going through, and it definitely sucks. Since he knows you're gay, you might consider telling him that you're crushing on him and need some physcial and emotional distance for a while. The other option is to try to meet someone who can reciprocate your feelings.
Thanks I really appreciate it guys. Yeah I'm out to everyone, but I have a problem with finding gay guys who also share my same interests. I haven't really found a gay person who I find attractive. I tend to like straight guys, since they have more in common with me. I mean everyone can be who they want but I guess I want a gay guy who acts like any other dude. I want to watch football with, wrestle with, camp with, workout with. I know that's stereotypically insensitive but I just don't want someone who is femmine. And idk where that is. I haven't found it yet and I feel like I'll never find that. I can't tell him that I love him. He had a gay friend who did that and he never spoke to him again basically. So yeah. He knows I'm gay I just can't tell him that the guy I love is him. I do love myself. Don't think I don't, I work hard, I have a blessed life, I could have anything I could ever want. I have amazing friends, I'm very healthy. I just hate that I'm gay. I hate being so different and I feel like I am different constantly ---------- Post added 13th Feb 2014 at 12:46 AM ---------- I understand that to some this is stupid, I sound like any other spoiled brat who has to find problems, but as much as I have, this is eating me away. I'm scared of being judged, in fact I'm scared of a lot but I hide it and just tough it. I can't sweep anymore under the rug, I'm tripping and it's starting to show. I'm basically known as an inconsiderate asshole now and I can only be nice when I'm drunk. I mean I can't be alone at this
Maybe you should consider moving out if you won't tell him your feelings. Right now, you are putting all the burden of your feelings on your shoulders, while he gets to enjoy being "friends" with a gay guy who doesn't like him. Honestly, the fact that he never spoke to his gay friend sounds like he has some latent homophobia, and you seem to be internalizing that. I think the only way you'll find closure with him is to tell him your feelings. Though you describe as 100% straight, you spend a great deal of time talking about all the thoughtful things he does to you. Personally, I can't maintain feelings for straight guys if I know for sure they aren't sending me mixed signals and genuinely seem interested in only girls. The tough ones are the guys who show unusual kindness and single. It might be difficult, but it is not impossible to find guys with similar interests. I'm always surprised seeing just how many guys use craigslist to post ads directed at other guys they met at the gym. In my city, there is one gym in particular where you might think everyone is gay because of the sheer number of posts, LOL.
If you can´t find guys that are simliar to you maybe you are looking in the wrong places. Have your tried online websites to find guys who have similar interests as you? That might be one way it doesn´t hurt to try.
