i understand what its like to come out and im with a guy at the moment we are both in high school. but my bf.. he doesn't not want to come out at all!! what should i do i love him a lot but i want to be with someone who is not afraid to be them self. someone who doesn't worry about if others see us hug or kiss at school. anyone have any advise? hopefully.:tears:
Unfortunately this is a pretty big challenge to your relationship. I think it's easier when both people are in the closet (although arguably not very healthy long-term), but it's tough when one is in and one is out. I know I have decided that I won't allow myself to date anybody until I convince myself to come out to my parents simply because that would be unfair to my potential boyfriend. I even had to test my resolve with that a couple of months ago when I had an opportunity to meet up with someone who I consider absolutely gorgeous...can't say I haven't been kicking myself for that quite a bit. I might be willing to be the only open one in a relationship if that were possible, but I couldn't ask someone else to do that. Since you're already in a relationship like this, you really only have two options: you can be patient and wait until he's ready to come out or you can get out of that relationship and seek someone who is more comfortable with himself. To me, if you love this guy as you say then that would outweigh being open at school, but that's definitely a tough thing to do. If you do choose to continue your relationship, please don't try to force him out of the closet or give any ultimatums. Just be loving and supportive and make sure he knows he has you to rely on if he makes the decision to come out.
The last thing you want to do is rush him out of the closet. He will come out when he is ready to come out, and you need to be there for him either if its a bad outcome or a good outcome. This needs to be in his own timing, not yours or anyone elses. I know it is hard because you just want him to be himself and be happy. Just be patient with him..
excellent! good for you. for you both, really. I was pulled out at that age and wasn't ready to deal with the consequences. I'm still dealing with the fallout. regardless of how your relationship evolves, coming out has to be done at the right time for the individual, the best bet is having someone standing beside you for support along the way.
That's really great of you, you sound like a very understanding person. I would however not surrender to staying with him forever whether or not he comes out. There should be a limit, as he partly owes it to you to be a boyfriend who doesn't have to be afraid to show affection in public. It's great you understand how tough it is to come out, but I think he also should put an effort to show that he's working towards it. I'd give him a year or two, but if he still isn't ready to come out then, it could be a while. What I'm saying is, you're not obligated to spend an indefinite amount of time with a boyfriend who has to pretend otherwise around others. The fact that you're willing to give him time is you doing him a kindness, not something you must do. You should know that, just so you know that you deserve to be treated right by him for the understanding you've shown.
Yes, you should not be completely open-ended because that means you're the only one who's making a sacrifice, which is unhealthy in any (long-term) relationship. I agree that you shouldn't force him to come out, but you also don't want him to feel comfortable staying in the closet.
its not like it matters anymore guys thx anyways but my bf broke up with me only cuz my parents guessed (and it was pretty odv) that we were going out so he dumped me
That sucks. I wonder if later on if he comes out if you two could be together again. But, in the meantime you could either focus on yourself or look for someone who's already out.
Yea well hopefuly he thinks in over cuz other then me He is the only bi guy (now stright) in my school woth sucks
Now straight? He likes guys, just because he wants to seem like he's straight doesn't mean he is. I'm having the same issue with a guy I've been talking to.
You two are still young, give it time, in high school I didnt want to come out either and even if I was in a relationship with someone in high school I would still be afraid to, but now that I'm older if I met someone and we both liked each other and started dating I would come out to my parents. I guess because now that I'm older I'm a little more comfortable with myself and I care less about what people think ---------- Post added 15th Feb 2014 at 08:27 AM ---------- Aw sorry bud! :icon_sad: (*hug*)
