The meaning of intimate friendship

The meaning of intimate friendship

As the saying goes, you can be in a crowded room and still feel as lonely as ever. But they also say to have a friend that stays close is better than having a brother in a foreign land.

My appreciation of "intimate" friendship only happened when I first came out.

A little background...

I never had any true great friendships growing up. Not that I did not have any friends. I had a whole bunch of loud, lousy, nerdy friends with whom I spent a lot of time with and shared great times with. But not with one did I have a deep and intimate friendship where we talked ans shared personal tragedies and traumas. We were just always cool and calm around one another. A pity really. Guess you could call us lot "happy-go-lucky" back then.

And at night, when they left I was left alone in my room to brood and ponder over my personal problems and worries. I never talked to anyone about anything personal. I was a total introvert on so many levels. I was a good actor at putting up a facade/scene/face.

In early 2012 I got a neighbour. It was a friend of a work-collegue of mine. She was looking for a place for him to stay and I happened to know that our old neighbours' garden-flat went vacant. So I invited them over and he liked the place. That very first moment I met him we clicked. He shared my profound passion for music so we thus had great common ground. He was 22 but rather mature for his age.

Two weeks later he moved in. He was now my next-door neighbour. I helped him move and we got to know eachother better that way. We bonded very quickly.

Since he was from out of town he did not really have any friends in town except the friend we shared and some work collegues of his, so every evening, when he returned from work he would shower and then immidiately come over to my place. We would hang out listening to music, playing some LAN games, eating dinner, playing guitar.

He then started seening some girls and bring them over to his place and this prompted some other discussions between him and me.

One evening we were sitting watching TV and he casually turned to me and asked me if I had any girls in my life ever. Up to that point I always froze up on a question like that and would usually just try and avoid it or brush it off. But that moment I went quiet and just said "I will tell you later". He raised an eyebrow and did not say much after that.

A few weeks progressed and one afternoon he asked me if I would care to go to a Cancer fund-raiser one of his girlfriends were attending in a nearby city. Off we went.

After the fund-raiser we all went for some drinks at a cocktail-lounge. We had more than a couple and the our spirits were high.

On our one hour drive back to the small town were we stay we started chatting. He telling me how much he likes this girl etc. All just silly talk. Then he started asking about my "relationships". And this was the moment... my first coming-out moment to a friend.

He probed me with a few questions and being slightly drunk I did not waste time answering. I explained to him that I never had any relationship ever and felt broken. Then he hit me with the big question! "Do you like men?". My reply was a fiery "Yes!".

Yes! I told someone who asked. I told a friend. I can still remember how relieved I felt and how I told him it was great to be able to tell him that I am gay. I can also remember he was slightly weary and told me he was scared that I will try and kiss him.

Not only was he one of the first persons I came out to but he was one of the first persons I shared an intimate friendship with. And not intimate as anything sexual. Intimate as in sharing deep thoughts and feelings and fears. Since then he has shared many deeo fears with me as well. Nowadays we dont see eachother that much anymore but we still stay in touch one in a while. He is now a father of a beautiful baby boy.

After coming out to him my introversy has declined considerbly. It was then that I first realised what it means to have a true great friend. And this with a guy I met a few months back as opposed to friends I has since primary school.

This experience of true intimate friendship has thankfully lead to me re-discovering my friends. Friends whom I came out to and now share amazing "open" friendships with. Because now I am truly honest with them. I dont have to hide behind a mask and I can be who I am.

Each and every one of my friends in my life (who I am out to) are to me God-sent angels. I can tell them anything and everything. They know they can share anything with me. We can laugh at eachother and with eachother. Without my close friends I would be nothing.

They are my "brother from anotha mother" and my "sister from anotha mister" (&&&)

Dave

 

Thank you Jess. I am glad that I can share my experiences now after all these years. (*hug*)

 

:icon_redf

I am sure you have things to tell that will awe me, many things!

(*hug*)