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Making a friend

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by ilovemylife, Feb 8, 2014.

  1. ilovemylife

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    So there is this guy that I used to like. He is 100% straight, and he doesn't know I'm gay. The thing is, I want nothing more than to just be friends with him. He seems like a cool guy, and we have countless common interests.

    So here's some background information.
    We are close acquaintances. Not full out "friends", but close enough to hold an alright conversation. I don't have him in any of my classes, so talking to him in during class isn't an option. I've texted him a few times but not recently (haven't spoken in a month. Whoops.). I've never been the person to start conversations as people usually come to me, so I have no idea how to initiate this friendship. I just feel like I will be bothering the guy. Conversations usually go well. It could just be my fear of outing myself accidentally that is stopping me. I don't want to a text him everyday. I have only asked him to hang out once at a school event, to which he said he wasn't thinking of going (but eventually went with someone else. He made the effort to seek me out and tell me during the event so I assume he didn't mean anything by it). My question is: how do I become friends with this guy? Or rather, how do I get over my fear of seeming like I am bothering him? I am very likely overthinking this whole thing, but if someone could help me out, that'd be great.

    And to those of you who saw my previous thread, this is not the same guy.
     
  2. KindaSad

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    I know how it feels to get close to new people and feel immediately guilty/nervous because you're closeted; honestly I'm still struggling with that feeling a lot. And getting over the feeling that you're bothering someone is hard too, but I say just continue testing the waters. Try to talk to him in person more so you can read his body language and see if you're really bothering him, and if things get too confusing or too awkward it's okay to just ask how he feels.

    I also get scared about outing myself but I don't think that'll happen for you. Realistically, if there are only 2 people in your life who know you're gay, what are the chances that he'll find out without you wanting him to? Don't make excuses to shy away from this guy. Making good friends is worth the risk!
     
  3. ilovemylife

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    Thanks! I will try to text him tonight (as we both enjoy the Walking Dead). The main problem I have is when I want to ask him to hang out. You're definitely right; I feel guilty because I'm closeted. When I want to ask him to hang out, I fear that he is going to see it as me asking him out (which is probably not the case).
     
  4. TJ

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    Finally! A topic where my signature directly relates!!! :grin:

    Anyway.
    Aye - tough situation when you want to be friends with someone in HS but you don't have any classes together.

    Yes, texting is an option. The only downside is it seems kind of creepy when you do it without knowing someone first, haha.

    I don't have a lot of experience with this haha. I didn't pursue any friendships outside of the people in my classes when in HS. >_<
     
  5. MMF

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    My friend isn't in any of my classes and approached him after school at school. Now we're really good friends.
     
  6. ilovemylife

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    Haha I can see how texting him if we don't know each other that well can be creepy. Luckily, we have texted before and we bonded over the Breaking Bad finale. It will be hard to see him after school or between classes, but I usually see him in the halls after one class, so I'll be sure to give him a wave or a "what's up" every so often.
     
  7. ilovemylife

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    Alright, here's the dealio -

    Like I've said, we weren't strangers before. We casually talked every so often. For the past week, we've been talking more frequently. Anyways, I want to ask him to come over and watch the Walking Dead tomorrow. How would I go about doing that without making it sound awkward? I don't want anything more that just friends. Like is just a "hey, watcha doing tomorrow night? Wanna come over and watch TWD?" alright? Or should I give him an out and add "If not, that's cool."?

    Anything will be helpful
     
  8. resu

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    Sometimes invites can seem like an obligation. You could say you're going to watch it and are just interested if he wanted to come, also, but that you understand if he has other plans.
     
  9. WhiteShadows

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    Hmm? I think being in the closet means that the invitation will come across as just a friendly thing... because he doesn´t know that you're gay... so don't be scared just do it :wink:
     
  10. ilovemylife

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    So here's an update for any of you who are interested:

    I asked him to hangout and he replied that he had to babysit his little brother. That's fine. The next week we continued talking and joking with each other. And then, out of the blue, it stopped. We both used to text each other, and then it just never happened again. It's been a month with literally zero contact (not even a glance at each other). This is the second time there has been a month pause on our conversation. Talked to a friend about it, and she didn't really have advice for this. Idk if I should strike up another conversation or just finally give up on him.
     
  11. TJ

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    I'd say it might be time to move on.
    If he wanted to pursue a friendship, he'd probably put forth more effort.
    That doesn't mean you have to give up on being friends with him, but don't take things to heart with it.
    Don't worry about it anymore.

    If he makes an effort to be your friend - awesome; if not, okay - not everyone wants to be friends. :stuck_out_tongue_closed_eyes:
     
  12. resu

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    Yes, there is only so much you can do to prop up a friendship with someone who doesn't reciprocate.
     
  13. ilovemylife

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    So I finally moved on. For the past week or so, I've been in a better mood. Not from that (I don't think), but from other good things things in life. I have no idea why, but I'm in the best mood right now. I actually made a few friends accidentally in my classes. Then, out of the blue, this kid texts me again. Now its a daily thing. I have no idea what happened.

    From what I heard from people who know him, he doesn't really have many friends. He never hangs out with people. He just watches TV all weekend. Everyone calls him boring. Could explain the month of silence... Either way, I'm done with pursuing the friendship. I'll just go with the flow. If it happens, it happens. If not, oh well. That's kinda been my attitude recently.
     
  14. ilovemylife

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    So this kid is now starting to reciprocate this friendship. He asked me to hangout on Friday, but I had to turn him down because I had something else going on. I was pretty angry that I had to say no to our first time hanging out. He said it was no problem. The next day, he asked me to go see a movie! I don't know what changed in that month, but I'm not questioning it.

    Here's where the support is needed: when is the next time I should ask him to hangout? Is next weekend alright? And is going to see another movie an adequate way to hangout again?
     
  15. Stingray

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    You've stated that "we have countless common interests." If so, you certainly have something to build on. Sometime this week you could contact him about weekend plans. Good luck.
     
  16. resu

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    You should try to hang out soon since you already turned him down. The longer you wait, the more it sounds like you're disinterested. Actually, you might apologize again for not being able to make it the first time; even if he said "no problem", he was probably disappointed.

    Going to see a movie is fine, but it's hard to pay attention to each other. So, you might go before the movie (or after) to get something to eat, either something quick or an actual full meal. Eating together will allow you two to talk more.
     
  17. ilovemylife

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    I forgot to add the part where I went to the movie with him Saturday. Sorry!

    But what you said is true. A movie doesn't really give me the ability to talk and actually spend quality time with him. (Although we did chat at a few parts in the movie).
    What I'm thinking now is that I ask him to go get something to eat and then see a movie this weekend. Is next weekend too soon after seeing a movie this weekend? I don't want to seem clingy... Also, I want to bring along my other friend, but we're going to prom together and people think we're dating. I don't want him to feel like he is third wheeling even though he totally is not. Here is what I'm going to text him:

    "Hey bud. You wanna get a group to go see [insert movie title] on Friday or Saturday? I've been wanting to see that movie since it came out. Maybe get something to eat before?"

    Acceptable?