Hello everyone! For about ten years now, I've been attracted to other males. I've always felt like I blend in with the female gender internally. Growing up in a highly conservative and religious family, I have always tried to enclose my attraction and/or sexual feelings and attractions for being shunned by my family. For the past 3 years, I've been in what I call "The Heat of my Homosexuality". I cannot resist in hiding anymore, but I cannot seem to come to terms and let my family know. I believe that I'm a pretty obvious person, but nothing is fully believed until it is confirmed with what I have to say. Growing up in a spiritual atmosphere, I left the church I grew up in for ridicule, object of gossip, and scape-goating. Around the last quarter of 2013 I met a guy, we talked for a couple of weeks, had our first date, amd a couple of weeks later we were in a committed relationship. This was my first boyfriend. He gave me my first kiss, he showed me a glimpse of what love is and could be. It felt so right, but so wrong. The relationship made me happy on the outside but on the inside I was mortified. I had to end the relationship for the sake of ending my internal conflict. At this time, I don't want to proceed with having another hidden relationship. If I could just have someone to love and care for me, spend time with and enjoy each other without having a legit "relationship status" it would be great! I just find that hard to find.
Hello Saeed23! You are not alone in your struggles to be free. You have just joined a great online community were you can share and talk about your fears and worries and even joy! Welcome "home"
Obviously, you are the one who has to decide what to do with his life but in the long run I would always advice people to come out. If you decide you want to come out and you prepare yourself for it; find people who would be ok with it, try to become ecnomically independand, educate yourself in what being gay means (You only have to navigate to this forum to realise that you do not need to conform to any stereotype). I had a boyfriend while closeted and it was very hard for both of us since we couldn't do many of the things normal couples do. We really clicked and I am not afraid to say I loved him but he didn´t want to come out (never) and that was a mayor problem. So yeah, i wish you all the luck of the world, it can be done, you can find someone who loves yu while closetred though you have to understand that it may be difficult since you have to take into acount the other person feelings too (for example I know it would hurt me if I loved someone and that guy refused to admit that we had a relationship). And even after saying all of that... If you have the opportunity, grab it, we i¡only live once...
Hi, Are you saying you want to share your closet? Have it both ways; 1) have a relationship, 2) nobody knows? My experience is that doesn't work and you just demonstrated why. You see a person living in the closet has one priority; protecting their closet. You just walked away from a potential relationship to protect your closet. Can you see how your lie is more important than the relationship you seek? This cannot work. You deny yourself the relationship while emotionally hurting others. How did you explain the last breakup to the guy? Did he get the truth "I am living a lie and my feelings for you are putting the lie in jeopardy and that makes me uncomfortable"? Nobody forms a committed relationship with that hanging over their head. My opinion is your base premise is wrong. You cannot find love when you are tied up protecting the lie. But you know that and I suspect you want to be out of the closet. Tom ---------- Post added 9th Feb 2014 at 04:03 AM ---------- Is this a point of opportunity for you; David Steindl-Rast: Want to be happy? Be grateful | Talk Video | TED Stop, look, go!
