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Naive, Bad a reading people or just plain Stupid?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Rainbow Panda, Feb 9, 2014.

  1. Rainbow Panda

    Regular Member

    Joined:
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    Location:
    Canada
    Gender:
    Female
    Sexual Orientation:
    Lesbian
    Hello dearest people

    I greatly hope that you can help in settling something. If I am supid, bad at reading signals or if there is just a universal "dating" code that I have never learned due to lack of exposiure ( I was in a relationship from the age of 13-recently).

    I have recently moved away from family and friends and as a result I have been looking for new friends. 2 things that has happened to me recently has left me questioning if I am really bad at reading people. If you are taking your time to read this then I thank you because I am really confused.

    I have always had a lot of guy friends because I find them easier to talk to, but that is as for as it goes for me on that score.

    Scenario 1: I met a guy at a bus stop who started talking to me and after half an hour on the bus we exchanged phone numbers and he invited me over to his flat. He told me to come at around 8pm which I didn't find odd given that we are both at uni= really long days and we live in the same complex so it was just 3 doors down.
    I get there and we talk a lot about everything and at some point we talk about sex (I see this as a scientific debate and do not think more of it). At some point he asks me my age and he is 10 years older than me. He then asks me if I would like to have sex with him and I freak out because I have never been in that situation before. I say that I will think about it not wanting so say something that could possibly make him forceful towards me and I leave.

    Scenario 2: I met this guy online on a website for LGBT people where it clearly states that I am only into women. We had been talking for 2-3 months and we agreed to meet up at my place and watch some movies and game a little. We stay up till 5:30am and he then says that he is going to go brush his teeth. I get really confused because he never mentioned anything about spending the night but the next bus doesnt leave till 8am so I think that maybe that is just normal procediure. I didnt have an air mattress and my sofa is my bed so it didnt seem unlogical when he laid in my bed ( have shared a bed with many guy friends and they have never assumed anything). I put on lots of clothes and lay as far away from him as possible, threw him a blanket and went sleep.
    10 min later I wake up by him holding me and having put his leg over mine so I cant move. I just lay there paralyzed in discomfort and am afraid to move in case if he is awake and will try something. I really honestly did not expect it. After what seems like 5 hours (an hour in reality) I get out of bed and start studying. When he wakes up and I spend all morning trying to make him leave and using the word "friend" as many times as I possibly can during conversation. He ends up aksing me if I would like a kiss and I politely decline. I take him to the bus stop and aim never to see him again. He was also 10 years older than me, and I didnt do anything to imply that I was interested in him, I am quite sure of that, not with those intentions anyway.

    So now I politely ask have I been really stupid or is that not normal behaviour from guys? It is diffucult for me to tell because I automatically see guys as friend and therefore all motives are in that "friend" box.

    I hope that someone can clear this up for me

    Thank you in advance to any feedback :slight_smile:
     
    #1 Rainbow Panda, Feb 9, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 9, 2014
  2. MissyT

    Full Member

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    Sorry, I have no advice. I'm here because I have the same problem. I was also in a relationship from 13-20 and have very little experience. So I'msticking around to see some of the advice. (*hug*)
     
  3. PokoPoko

    PokoPoko Guest

    Here's the thing. You are making friends with presumably 'straight' guys, right? It doesn't matter if they know you are a lesbian or not because if they like you, then they like you. Straight guys like girls. They are a lot like puppies I notice. They will just keep following you, and persisting until they get what they want. They will beg, cry, try to play it cool, etc. They don't take no for an answer. It's all for the same goal really: to get you to submit to them. (sexually or romantically)

    I can tell you this. I have had so many of my girl and guy friends tell me "Oh, we're just friends. Nothing is going to happen. Girls and guys can totally be just friends." But I have never once seen it happen. NEVER! And quite frankly, I want to be proven wrong. In fact, I know that guys and girls can be friends, it's just REALLY rare.

    When there is the opportunity for sexual relations to happen, it will usually happen. We are all sexual creatures, right? Why do you think my best friend is a lesbian? We get along perfectly, and there is no risk of romantic attraction forming. (I honestly don't know why gay guys and lesbians aren't all best friends because they should be).

    tl;dr: He has a dick, you have a vagina. That's all he needs to know.