Do you struggle with bitterness and loving your friends and family?

I understand. My family is rather accepting, but I too have struggled with bitterness toward friends (mainly ex-friends) in the past. For a while I even went through a phase of strongly disliking straight people in general until I realized I was being immature and they aren't all that bad.

I too have struggled with bottling emotions and letting things get worse and worse, but I finally found a therapist I can trust to help me gain more acceptance for my sexuality and to ignore what others think. It took a lot of strength to trust her since I felt my ex-therapist betrayed that trust (Ie: she said she was a LGBT ally, so I started trusting her, but she kept invalidating and devaluing everything about my sexuality and struggles).

I think you just need to find someone to open up to, and who can understand, and maybe that will help ease the bitterness up.

 

Yes. I deleted all my friends and social media outlets, and stoped talking in a decent matter to almost everyone. I feel consumed with anger....I want to see everyone suffer. I dont know how to end this.

 

The way you're feeling is completely understandable; it's a pretty painful position to be in. With that said, I don't think you should push people away based on how you anticipate they'll react if you come out.

You obviously know all of these people very well, but it's impossible to know for sure how they'll handle knowing that you're gay. You could very well be right about a lot of them, but some people can really change their tune when they're thinking about someone they already know and love rather than some hypothetical person. If you're wrong about even one of these people it would be a big mistake to cut them out of your life. I think it would be more painful to lose a true friend because you didn't have faith in him/her than it would be to lose someone who refuses to accept you for who you are.

 

I just joined this site. I could totally relate to you. I've known I was gay since I was 10. I was always told by my family that "fags" had Aids and were committing a sin. I hid my sexuality out of fear of what my family would think for years. Now I am 26, and last year I started coming out to friends. One of my sisters found out and told my other two sisters and mom. I received a bunch of scriptures via text from my mom (This is a lady who raised me for like 4 years out of my childhood) late at night. So now only 2 sisters talk to me. But what scares me is my grandma finding out because she is the one I care about hurting, because she raised me and I know how she dislikes gays. My uncle once was telling my grandma how all "abominations should be shot with an assault rifle." My family hates gays!

I have only had two brief relationships since last year that lasted maybe 3 weeks. It's hard having a relationship if you have to hide your boyfriend. Plus I was afraid and still am afraid to even kiss a guy. I kissed a guy, and the next day I went crazy thinking I contracted HIV. I went and got tested with an RNA test and everything. All over a kiss. CRAZY RIGHT? I drove myself crazy for 3 weeks even with a negative result. That's how messed up my family has made me. The guy thought I was crazy! Can anyone really blame him? No... Now I'm seeking counseling for this issue. So I know exactly how family can ruin a family member... I'm a victim of it

 

Though sometimes it is much harder to do, but I have learned that you should try to see that they are showing love the way they think is right. It is sad because that way only causes hurt, but most of those people honestly believe what they are telling you. Their way of showing love is trying to erase the "evil" in you. Now I would not say that anyone should just accept this view, because it is hurtful, close-minded and just plain selfish, but harboring anger towards them won't make anything better.

 

I feel exactly the same way about my friends. In high school they didn't know I was suffering from mental disorders and made remarks like, "Being gay is against my culture/religion." Then, when high school was over, a bunch of them would go on about how high school was the best time of their life. My best friend in high school even said that grade 11, the year that I was severely depressed and closed off, was one of the best years in her life! Though I should say that she didn't know I had any mental illness.

Like some of the others on here, I deleted my facebook because I got so sick of them. I have been trying to forgive them, and move on. It's not their fault I struggled in high school, yet so often I feel mad at them because I wanted them to do more for me.

It isn't easy, I know. But I do believe that forgiving people is the way to go, unless they have done something terrible.

 

Well i am not getting along too well with my brothers girlfriend...

I've apologized twice and got burnt twice I am not going back to the well a 3rd time.

So you could say I am bitter now. Hmmm this dysfunction runs in both sides of my family too. Yay for carrying on tradition.

 

Whoo boy lets see here.....

My father disowned me and threatened my life upon coming out
My mother basically made me the unfavorite in the family
My aunts and uncles refuse to invite me to any gatherings
My brothers take the chance to spew homophobic vitriol at me every time we disagree
My best friend became very cold and distant towards me...we haven't hung out much since I came out to him

Apart from my sister, I have no one in my life....so yeah you could call me bitter. Part of my user name comes from the fact I have become emotionally frozen towards people out of fear of being hurt again.

For what its worth, I'm sorry you're going through so much turmoil.