I apologize in advance for the text wall... So I think my aunt is emotionally abusive. She's always seemed rather two-faced, being nice to you to your face but talking shit on you behind your back sort of thing. There have been a few times that she's done that to my dad and myself, starting when I was just a kid. But let me share some family history first. My mom died when I was six, right after my little sister was born. So then my aunt started helping my dad take care of me and my sister, since he had to work and stuff too. I stopped hanging around her house when I was probably about eleven or so, because I was closer to my dad and my aunt was sort of a bitch, but my sister practically lives over there and was practically raised by her. Also, some of those two-faced things I said she's done to me and my dad: 1.) Once while I was still in elementary school and the family was at her house and my dad and I were in another room, my aunt told everyone in the same room as her that the only reason I got good grades in school was because she helped me a super ton with my school work. And that my dad never did anything for me. Meanwhile, I did all the schoolwork and got those grades by myself because I wasn't an idiot, and my dad did the best he could. I mean, he worked like all the time, but he was still nicer to me than her. My aunt NEVER helped me with schoolwork, even though she had the time... 2.) Another time, I got in real big trouble for something I did and my dad grounded me. Since I was grounded, I wasn't allowed to go over to my cousins' house (another aunt, not the one that raised my sister) and play with them. My emotionally-abusive aunt knew the whole situation, but she still proceeded to tell my cousins and other aunt that I was just a bitch and was making up excuses so I didn't have to see them. Oh, and she said this right in front of my little sister, who was only about four or so, and I was at most, ten. 3.) More recently, my sister looks up to me and wanted to get some school clothes that were more like mine. But my aunt told her that she's not allowed to dress like me. Basically, that I dress like a freak or something. All because I wear a lot of black and I don't dress super girlie like my aunt does, and how my aunt always wanted me to dress. Even though I could dress a lot worse. My clothes aren't super crazy. And at least I don't dress provocatively or something. And then there was a few months ago. My sister is 14 years old, and she got in major trouble for meeting a boy from school behind my dad's and aunt's backs. They said she's not old enough to date and she shouldn't have lied like that. That's understandable. But my aunt freaked out way more than necessary, saying that my sister was going to get pregnant and how was my dad going to take care of another kid, and a bunch of crazy stuff like that. But my sister talked to me, and I knew she hadn't done anything sexual, she just liked the boy. And even before the whole incident, my aunt always went through my sister's texts, facebook, everything. ALL the time. For no reason whatsoever. Because of that, and the fact that my aunt tries to control my sister and everyone around her, I was afraid that my aunt would try to completely isolate my sister from all her friends and not let her go out or do anything ever again. My aunt just seems like that kinda crazy, that she would permanently ground my sister. I tried to say something about that, about how she hasn't had sex or anything, so no one has to worry about her getting pregnant. And that while she did lie and she should get in trouble for that, my aunt was overreacting just a bit and shouldn't ground her for life just for this, when my sister could have done a lot worse, like drugs or something. My aunt then proceeded to call me a terrible sister because I was showing my sister that it's okay to lie, that I'm immature and two-faced. And she also pulled something into the conversation that was totally unrelated to the argument: me moving. Two years ago, I moved to another town, half an hour away. I moved because that town had jobs, and our hometown didn't. I don't have a car, so I don't get to see my family ALL the time, but I still see them. My aunt said that I could've chose to stay in our hometown with my sister, but I chose to leave. So she was basically saying that I just chose to abandon my own sister. When I made sure that I just talked about the current(at the time) argument, she brought this into it. I then proceeded to say that I moved because I needed a job and to get out on my own so as not to bum off my dad anymore so how did that make me immature and ask her about all the times she's called me a bitch and such(those incidents mentioned above and more), and she never replied back. Fast forward to now, my sister and I share the same birthday. It's at the end of the month. I had been planning on taking my sister to the mall for months now, I even told her I would and to save a weekend for me to do that. But now, my aunt is telling her that she's not allowed. When I asked why, my sister said it's because my aunt wants me to apologize to her first. So my aunt's basically holding my sister against me to make me apologize for something I said MONTHS ago, and wasn't even really that bad. I just called her out on being two-faced and controlling and basically showed her I wasn't going to let her control me anymore. But she's technically not my sister's guardian, so she technically can't do something like this. When I called my dad and told him about it, he said "I'm not sure what to say about it." and that he'd try to pick my sister up that weekend and bring her out. But the way he talked, he doesn't actually want to confront my aunt about the situation at all. He just wants to sneakily bring my sister up to see me. And that's part of the reason why my aunt thinks that she can just do whatever she wants! No one will stand up to her, except for me now. And no one will stand up for me, either. They're basically letting me take the fall by myself. My aunt's making me seem like the bad guy, and no one will bother helping me. Not even my dad seems to want to stand up for me... And I was thinking about coming out, at least sexuality-wise, to my family. But with all of this stuff going on, I'm sure that my aunt would use it as another excuse to keep my sister away from me. But I am getting really sick of being controlled and hiding who I really am. Almost no one in my family knows I'm pan, and I hate that. I just want to be honest, I don't want them liking me for something that I'm not. I want to be accepted for who I really am, especially since they claim to love me no matter what. So I want to be honest with all of them. But my aunt would probably use that as an excuse to keep my sister away from me, like I said. And my dad might even jump on that bandwagon, if I told him I'm pan, because he's super religious and anti-lgbt. So what the hell am I supposed to do now? It seems like I'm damned if I do, damned if I don't. I really want to come out, but I don't know if I actually will. But it's more than just that. I really don't want to apologize to my aunt for the things I said, just so I can see my sister. Chances are, if I did, she wouldn't apologize for the things SHE said to ME, and my apology would just be an invitation to keep controlling me. I feel like I just told the truth, so I shouldn't have to apologize. And I don't want to apologize because I'm sick of being controlled by her. I don't want anything to do with my aunt, she's too emotionally abusive for me to handle dealing with her anymore. But I don't see any other way I'll be able to see my sister, unless I apologize. I love my sister more than anything else, but I don't want to have to deal with more two-faced manipulation and emotional abuse to be allowed to see her again. I just wish I could get my sister away from my aunt. It hurts me to think about how much she's fucking up my sister's head with all her manipulation and stuff....
