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My partner likes to show off. Need advice

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by tyler77, Feb 10, 2014.

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  1. tyler77

    tyler77
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    Hello all.. I'm in a fairly new monogamous relationship of about 1 year and 6 months. When I first met this guy right off I had an issue with his attire. He loves to wear extremely tight jeans and he is very endowed. For me this creates and issue because he has a lot of guys flirting with him which I don't like. I too could do the same but I feel that wearing tight jeans are a thing of the past from the 70's and besides I feel like it is almost advertising for sexual activity or flirtatious comments. I've asked him numerous times to please wear something else but he just laughs it off and says it is the only thing that fits him but this is not true. I've also expressed to him many times that it really bothers me, but he ignores me. We also own our own business and to me it gives a very unprofessional appearance. Today a guy came into our business and made a comment in front of me about my partners appearance in his jeans. I told my partner I was done! Am I wrong to feel the way I do? Please help.. Thanks!!
     
    #1 tyler77, Feb 10, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 10, 2014
  2. GayDadStr8Marig

    GayDadStr8Marig
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    You've invested 18 months in your relationship and it was important enough for you both to be monogamous, try to talk to him about what is the reall reason behind his attire, particularly at work. There's likely some unresolved issue from his past that needs to worked through. Give him a bit of credit too that this is not new after being with you for 18 months, this is the way you came into the relationship with each other. Ask yourself as well to be open with him about what has changed for you now. I'm guessing you are progressing from infatuation into power struggle and eventually real love if he's willing to work through this with you. Take a look at Joe Kort's books for a good resource.

    Hope this helps!
     
    #2 GayDadStr8Marig, Feb 10, 2014
  3. tyler77

    tyler77
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    "gaydadstr8marig" thanks so much for your reply and very good advice..
     
    #3 tyler77, Feb 10, 2014
  4. GayDadStr8Marig

    GayDadStr8Marig
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    I hope you guys work through this. It would be a shame to lose a relationship over a pair of pants... (I'm sure there's a pun in there, or I'm just in a really good mood right now :slight_smile: )

    I should have asked before, what type of business are you in? Retail, professional services, trade? While many of us here on EC wouldn't mind seeing well-fitted pants, if you're in a business setting... well, it just doesn't "fit". Let's say you've got a coffee bar and a soccer mom stops in with her two daughters aged 10 and 14. They see him showing the goods like that, it could lead to some awkward conversation between mom and daughter later. Just something to think about. Be respectful of customers too.
     
    #4 GayDadStr8Marig, Feb 10, 2014
  5. Nikonpdx

    Nikonpdx
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    Communication is the key to any relationship. I hope you guys can talk things out.
     
    #5 Nikonpdx, Feb 10, 2014
  6. resu

    resu
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    He's really in denial of the problem between you two if he says tight jeans are the only ones that fit him. Moreover, him constantly doing it shows that he is not caring for your feelings.

    That said, this is somewhat of a trivial issue as long as your partner doesn't follow through and actually cheats on you with the guys he is attracting. So, maybe there are some broader challenges that you need to work out, especially since you have the added complication of sharing a business. In that case, you might consider setting up a work dress code.
     
    #6 resu, Feb 10, 2014
  7. redneck

    redneck
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    Captain Blunt here,

    There has to be something other than his pants bothering you. Him wearing pants that show off the "goods" is no different than if you were in a straight relationship and your gf was wearing a low cut shirt/dress. Maybe it's time you sit down and try to figure out what your real problem is then you can discuss that with him.



    I'm just sayin'
     
    #7 redneck, Feb 10, 2014
  8. Chip

    Chip
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    The issue is more complicated than the pants.

    My guess is that he likes and appreciates the attention he gets when he wears the tight pants, which is why he wears them. The argument that no other pants fit him is, of course, bullshit. So if I'm right, what's really going on is some sort of deep insecurity and a constant need to remind himself that he's attractive.

    And on your side, depending on the business, if it really is inappropriate, that is a pretty serious issue, and it is also pretty disrespectful to you if he's not even seriously listening to your concerns and laughing them off.

    The trick is... being able to openly discuss what's going on. Almost certainly, the underlying issue is tied to his self-worth and shame, and that's something almost nobody wants to talk about. Compounding that is the lack of authentic communication.

    If you've been together 18 months, hopefully you've both learned (or started to learn) how to communicate with each other. Real, authentic communication, with real vulnerability and openness, takes time and practice, and a willingness to really show up and let yourselves be seen... and that's surprisingly difficult for most couples, even those that have been together for a number of years.

    So perhaps the best solution is to really talk. Not just about the jeans but about the bigger picture. Getting him to own the underlying issue is tough but if he can talk to you about it (and - turnabout is fair - if you can talk to him about whatever underlying concerns or fears you have), then hopefully both of you can understand each other better, and that, in turn, might make some sort of good solution, acceptable to both of you, come about.
     
    #8 Chip, Feb 11, 2014
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