Hey guys, I'm really new here and I have a problem! Yes, I know this is really common and I have tried just relating my problem to one of the similar ones posted but, I really need to know the answer to my personal situation! Okay so, first of all, I'm 17 (im gay btw), in grade 12 and so is my best friend (my friend isn't gay >_<). I met my best friend in grade 9 but we never really talked up until last year. We quickly became best friend from the minute we started talking, then, over the summer we kind of drifted apart a little bit but we were still best friends. this year we have rekindled our friendship and are best of friends again! Except... I have somehow accidentally fallen in love with him... I'm constantly trying to figure out if he is gay or not and if I have some kind of chance with him. Here are my reasons to believe that he may be gay: -He has only ever had one girlfriend and he told the farthest they ever went for the entire two years they were dating was her giving him a hand-job! -This next reason didn't start happening until just recently, last weekend we got drunk and he kept saying stuff like "omg shutup or I'll fuck you" and "quit it or I'll shove my finger up your ass" he has never said stuff like that before and it seemed kind of out of character for him. -Recently, he claimed to be really into a girl at our school, it was really, REALLY obvious she was into him... they held hands, she kissed him and hugged him and was constantly flirting but somehow he would constantly find an excuse why he couldn't just make a move on her... stuff along the lines of, "no man, I don't think she likes me" just random nonsense like that when every was telling him that she liked him and even now that he doesn't like her anymore he admits that he should have known she liked him! -I don't know if it's just a friendly thing, but we always manage to make eye contact even when were talking to different people, we always hold the eye contact for just a few quick seconds and smile at each other. -The next reason I know is kind of bad... I know it's bad to stereotype but I still feel like it may be a hint. He is very musical, as in, he sings, plays a lot of instruments and, he has been in the school musicals/plays. Also, he always wants to role play and do acting skits when we hang out. -This reason is also kind of stereotyping... He got me into a bunch of anime kind of movies recently. Except, a bunch of movies he has suggested for me are real chick flick, ooey gooey, romance movies. He also says he enjoys romantic comedies and such. -This next reason I'm not sure if it's a good or bad thing... His opinions on gay people are kind of on and off. He used to say that he hated gay people and that they grossed him out. I have read stuff online that says in many cases the biggest homophobes are often actually gay. Recently his opinions have shifted and he now says that he doesn't have a problem with gay people but he thinks gay sex is gross. He also said that he wouldn't mind if any of our friends came out as gay. -The last reason is that he worked with a pretty attractive girl who was really into him. She constantly texted him about how she wanted to have sex and she even sent him nudes. However, he somehow dodged it every time and they never ended up hooking up before he quit his job there. Reasons I think he may be straight -He talks about girls. It's not super often and it's usually not super sexual talk but he does mention girls. For a while there was an actress he was obsessed with and constantly talked about, when one of our friends said something along the lines of "omg, you're so obsessed, you should tweet her and ask to plow" (I can't remember exactly what it was) he responded by saying that it wasn't like that and he didn't see her in that way... -He knows quite a lot of female porn stars... this is the main reason I believe he is straight. He knows the names of quite a large amount of female porn stars and can even recite a bunch of lines from their videos. If he was gay I don't think he would be watching straight porn... =[ -HE NEVER TOUCHES ME! I noticed that he isn't really a touchy feely kind of person but when he does get like that it's never with me, it's always with one of our other friends. I don't know why he would feel more comfortable doing that with them though because we are both each others very best friends! This concludes all the reason why I can't tell if he is straight or in the closet... What do you guys think? Should I tell him I'm gay? What are some signs or tests I should be looking for/doing to see if he could be gay and into me? Also, I read somewhere that it's often a sign of affection if a guy makes up a nickname for you and not long ago he made one up for me and when we text (which is a lot, everyday atleast a few conversations) he sometimes says goofy stuff like calling me "my cheddar". This weekend we will be hanging out just us two and, we'll be drinking as well as him sleeping over, should I confess to him while were both drunk? All advice is VERY appreciated! Thanks in advance!:icon_bigg
Hey Well, have you considered coming out to him? I mean, he said that he wouldn't mind... and if he DOES have attractions to boys also, he might feel comfortable enough to tell you if you come out to him
@WhiteShadows Yes, I have considered this but I'm not out to anyone yet and it's so hard! I really would like to tell him but every time I come close or even think about it I get crazy butterflies and can't go through with it Also, I'm not totally sure that he would ACTUALLY be okay with it... I feel like a lot of people claim to be open to it but when it actually happens they can't handle having one of their best friends be gay...
Hey hey..!! We are in the same boat dude.. I'm also 17 and i accidentally too... Fell in love with my best friend.. Except that.. Looks like my boat has moved a bit further than you.. I already came out to him.. So here's what i can advise you after nearly 6 months doing this.. 1. Stereotype doesn't always work.. My best friend watches a lot of boy band music groups and he is really into it.. But as far as i know.. He's not gay 2. Not every person is touchy.. My best friend is really touchy.. He even sometime hugged me and he even ever kissed me in the cheek.. But again.. Like i said.. As far as i know.. He's not gay.. 3. The way he talks doesn't really mean anything.. It's just his way of showing his closeness to you that he used that kind of words.. 4. How he reacts to lgbt issues play a critical role in determining whether he's safe to come out to or not.. My friends is totally open with such thing.. So coming out was not that hard 5. You.. In the end will have to come out and tell the truth.. After awhile there will be this urge inside you that say "ugh i can't stand this anymore.. I gotta come out to him and tell the truth" 6. Don't wait till it turns into a one sided love... I will tell you this.. It will freaking hurts you so much.. This is a mistake that i made and it's eating me right now.. Before you get too attached to him.. Better come out and then make up decision about what to do next.. If he's not gay then it won't be so hard to get over him.. Trust me.. This is the biggest mistake that i made and now it's hurting me badly.. I get too attached too him now.. Best luck..
@alexander96 Thanks, I guess I'm gonna have to tell him!:icon_redf It's gonna be hard but I'm sure I can do it
Another thing I forgot to mention that may a hint! He told me that his mom used to think that he was gay and asked him if he was. Isn't it usually a motherly thing to just know this kind of stuff? I feel like if she suspected him of being gay then maybe he is...
Well, the fact that he said that kind of implies that he doesn't identify as gay... but... it doesn't really mean anything. I really think the best option is to come out to him if you feel safe to do so
@WhiteShadows I understand what you're saying but I also kind of disagree. Back when I was really deep in the closet and kind of in denial I used to say stuff about gay sex being gross and being gay in general being a bad thing. Of course, I have now realised those were stupid things to say and I tell people that I like gay people :icon_bigg
