These past couple of days have been tremendously long and hard for me. Yesterday, my mom found out about my liking girls. Unfortunately however, it was not my intention for her to know. Heres what happened: As per the usual, i was getting told that i was a lazy piece of crap who does nothing but play on her phone, computer, etc. Then i started having a mental breakdown. I was trying to be honest with her about how i was upset with school and how i felt unloved by everyone around me... and she, being the mother she is, stormed off with my phone saying "You wanta see unloved? Ill show you unloved." She then demanded that i give her my passcode to my phone, and sadly i didnt have enough time to delete the messages with my LDR girlfriend Amaya. I then locked myself in the bathroom so i could cry my eyes out and not be heard cause i had turned the shower on. She the makes me open the door and she calmly asked me if i was a lesbian and i started bawling harder yelling i didnt know i didnt want her to hate me. We then moved to her room and started the beginning of a long four hour talk. The talk basically ended by her saying that she loves me and she always will, but being gay is disgusting and against everything she believes in. That it will NEVER be able to happen in her house. That she hates my girlfriend (whom shes never even seen and/or talked to) because she feels like she is the one turning me gay and shes the one who influenced me to be this way. She said she will never, ever, approve of my lifestyle and that i had to cut off all ties with my girlfriend. After hours and hours of trying to get her to understand, i guess i gave up. Shes trying to get me to go to counseling, but i dont want to, im not broken and i dont need some to try to fix me. Because im perfectly happy. She keeps saying shes completely shocked and she doesnt know how to handle me anymore, because our relationship will never be the same. My dad however, is very accepting of whatever i choose to be. Which actually came as a HUGE surprise to me, because i thought he would be the one to freak out on me. He says my mother is just freaking out and i need to give her space and not argue back at her. He says i need to be respectful of her wishes, but ultimately it is up to me how i choose to live my life. He said he wants to be in it, and that he loves me very much and that nothing has changed between us. He said he might be a little weird about it at first, which i expected but overall i am very happy with his response to me. I was actually able to get my point across and he listened, and said he would talk with my mom. Currently, as im typing this, they are in the kitchen talking, and i can hear my mom bawling her eyes out. She says she needs to go to counseling cause she doesnt know what to do.. and im feeling so down. i feel like such a big disappointment to her, and i dont know what to do anymore. Im trying to be sneaky and still talk to my girl but im not sure if its gonna work or not... hopefullly my dad can get her under control. if not though, what comes next? i still have 3 older brothers who have no idea but i feel like i dont want to tell them until i am 110% sure of my sexuality. cause as of right now, i have not kissed a boy, or a girl and im purely going off my LDR's. i dont know what to do next.. and i need your help. - Tay. :icon_sad:
Hey, I'm sorry about all of that kid. Seems like you and your mom already have a hard enough relationship as it is? Well, first off, don't let her make you feel like a disappointment. Attraction isn't something that is chosen, trust me, I know, because I've tried to change and it didn't work. You love who you love. It's good that your father is on your side, so that's definitely a good sign. Hopefully he's right about her needing space. Don't exactly take everything she just said too hard because sometimes, when you come out to people, they are in a stage of shock and they just say whatever is o their mind. Give her time at first, but talk to your dad as much as you can. He's an ally, and you'll need the feeling of being loved in this case. Stay sharp, kid, and I'll be here for ya. I pray all gets better for you in due time.
Aww, I'm sorry this was such a rough experience for you. Nobody should ever be ripped out of the closet like that; it should be on your terms or at the very least in a peaceful way. I'm relieved that your dad is so compassionate and supportive. I'm sure he's in a difficult place having to console both you and your mother at the same time, but it sounds like he said exactly what he should have said. Your parents only real job is to provide you with unconditional love and support -- your father is there and I think there's hope that your mom will come around after being given some time. It shouldn't have to be that way, but unfortunately it can be a challenge for some people to make peace with. Don't break up with your girlfriend, but fill her in on what happened and let her know things might be a little bit rocky in your life for the next couple of weeks. Hopefully she will be there to lean on and allow you to vent. Good luck! I know it definitely doesn't seem like it now, but at least you're getting much closer to the freedom to be yourself. Try to focus on the good that happened today -- your dad found out that you're a lesbian and you know for sure that he's going to stay by your side.
I agree with the above. Your mom probably feels it's wrong because of what most Bible translations say about it. But, I really like what Matthew Vines says about it. Look up his video about the Bible and homosexuality and show it to your mom when she's had some time.
I'm sorry to hear that Taylor, but like mentioned above I wouldn't cut ties with your girlfriend if I were you. Whatever you do don't let your mother or anyone force you back into the closet. It's your life, which is more important than her approval. Your dad sounds supportive, which is good, so hopefully he'll be an ear for you. There's always this place too. Everyone here is supportive and friendly, you can vent all you want and people will be happy to give advice and support.
Thank you. you all have really helped.. but about the thing with my girlfriend, im not supposed to be talking to her, and my mom said if she catches me sneaking around with her that she will take my phone away for a long time. i do have my ipod so i could still tango (facetime) her occassionally i suppose, but the phone is kinda the main means of communication. and im just really worried about hurting her because i really love her and i just dont know what to do.. this was all so sudden and i have no idea what to do when my mom feels like she has to "watch out for me." thank you all for your support it does mean alot to me, you really have no idea <3 can you all become my gay brothers? <3
In my world bisexual girls 16-23 are very common. Girls seem more comfortable being open about same sex relationships than are boys. Since your dad doesn't see a problem, he might be able to get your mom to understand this is 2014 and times have changed.
If you tell your girlfriend about your situation I'm sure she'll understand. Just tell her what happened and how it might be hard to contact her in the near future. As for your situation, I'd keep up the communication with your dad. It might become an "elephant in the room", so don't be afraid to talk with him about it. Even if you just tell him about your fears with your mum. Just to ask, how old are you?
