My friends prefer my frenemy rather then me?! :(

I'm sure some of you know this, but I have a "frenemy" named V. I no longer consider her a friend, due to the fact that she practically stalked me for a while and could be quite cruel. (Don't want to go into too many details again, for the sake of those reading about her again .)

Quite a few people on this site suggested telling her that I no longer want to be her friend and be done with it. Unfortunately, I have come to the realization that while that method would normally work, V is so intertwined in my social group that this may not be the best course of action. I recently created a new Facebook account and quickly noticed that she and most of my remaining friend chat all the time.

For example my oldest friend, who I have known since grade one, and her were posting on each other's wall. My old friend posted, "I love you. I really, really do." to which my frenemy typed back, "I love you too." (They meant this in a friendship platonic way.) Other friends have said similar things too, or show that they feel deep, affectionate friendship for my frenemy.

This is where it gets complicated. If I tell V that I no longer want to be her friend, she will for sure tell the others about it. (She already talked behind me back once to one of our shared friends saying that I cared for work more then friendship.) Then I worry that it would turn into a sort of pick-a-side scenario.

It may be me just being a worrywart, but I fear that if it comes to that then most people will side with my frenemy, one because I seem like the bad guy refusing her friendship and two because most of my friends seem to prefer her.

Any ideas? Should I just continue to do the method I am now, which is slowly breaking off contact? (Hasn't been working well) Or should I tell her that I no longer wish to be friends, no matter what the consequence?

 

@Hiems
Thanks for the solid advice. Your right that I shouldn't need to fake a friendship yet that is what I've had to do for the past three years. There is only one of my friends who is also not friends with V, and I explained the situation to me. She felt bad, sort of sided with me but didn't really have any suggestions. The main problem is also that V feels as though we are still close friends when we are not.

@ Moogie
Unfortunately, I don't think I can repair my friendship with V. She did some pretty petty and mean things at one time. For example, her mom started constantly asking my mom if I had a mental illness as I was acing distant. When my mom told her mom once that I was sick (we later discovered it was a panic attack), V brought it up in front of ten other people and wanted to know what had gone on. It freaked me out, and at that point I started acting even more closed off.

The main problem is that V still wants to hang out with me alone sometimes or wants a group of 3-4 (small, close group) to hang out. I'm not really comfortable with that, yet I don't know how to basically hint that were not friends anymore.

 

@Rosepetal
You think that would work. Yet every two weeks, she sends me a massive new e-mail telling me what's going on in her life. I do respond, because I would feel horrible if I didn't, but only with a sentence or two. Yet still, she never lets up and will also try to invite me over every time she is away from school.

 

Yeah, telling her may be the only way, even though it puts my other friendships at risk. Thanks for the advice guys.