Ok so, I met a guy on a site which lets you meet people in your city. We have alot in common, and weve been talking for 1 week straight. We always talk till one of us has to sleep Well I rlly like him and he seems mature and not "always wanting sex"...but heres the deal. Im closeted...as in not a single person knows about me. I came on this site hoping to stop feeling lonely but I am really paranoid. He doesnt know how I look like, I dont know how he looks like but slowly we are getting to know more personal things about each other. I began to get extremely paranoid when I found out that he lives so close to me. He works in a restaraunt that is directly next to the store that my brother works in. I am mostly scared of that because my brother is a homophobe, and would kick me out or worse if he ever found out. Third of all, I found out that he goes to the same university as me. Or he is going start there and the same major as me. So I get scared that if I meet him and we start dating...that people around us, especially my brother, would find out... Me, being out, would surely ruin my life...so please no one suggest it. He is closeted too btw, but he has a few friends who know. Any advice here? Am I being too paranoid? Or do I have the right to act like this and just call it off??
Well if you are both in the closet, he should be able to understand your situation. If you like him I would try to keep the relationship you guys are trying to develop going. Maybe you guys will meet up and have a great relationship eventually, and from personal experience I think it's better to be with someone when you're coming out, they can relate to what you are going through. Unless you feel it's necessary I wouldn't come out for the fear of being kicked out.
Thanks for the reply But what im actually most scared of, is if I meet him...in the end he turns out to be some asshole who would out me for whatever reason. Im scared of this because I met another guy on this site a year ago...I thought he was this calm guy and very nice and trustworthy. So I took the next step and gave him my number and my picture, my full name, my facebook etc. Before we actually met, he became clingy and kept asking me to sleep with him. When I refused, he threatened to out me just because I wouldn't sleep with him. Thats where my paranoaia actually started...any other opinions??
I wouldn't say you should call it off but it's only been a week. Especially since you brought up what happened to you last year i would take it slow. You can get to know someone without seeing them but i would strongly suggest waiting for a while before you give out any personal information because i know you don't want to risk be outted.
A week is a very short amount of time to decide if you really like someone. Just keep talking to him like you have been, if he isn't as great of a guy as he seems like it'll become clear soon enough. Make sure not to overlook any red flags if they pop up, and not to just see what you want to in him. No need to give him all your personal info at once either. Also I would recommend you both at least see a picture of each other before starting anything.
Thanks all for the replies Ok so he wants to meet up on monday...and thats when our university actually starts...so i dont know if its too early to accept
One of the goals of online dating is to get offline as soon as possible. I see no reason to postpone meeting him on Monday. Just think of those ancient times before 1996 when the internet was as yet not so widespread...people just met somewhere and things just unfolded as they should.