In the span of one fucking day, my mom went from going to bat for me to a parrot of my dad. I get a text from her saying, I told her that I'm simply not going home. She says, "Oh well just hear us out and we did talk about doing summers later on..." At that point I called her, and that was the most useless half-hour of my life. She's turning into my dad, as talking to her earlier was like talking to a wall and she's making the same smartass comments that my dad would say. "That is absolute crap for you to say you were abused, that's all just your warped perception!" "That's not what my therapist said, mom." "You sound like you need a therapist!" So yeah, I told her that I'm refusing to come home and she says that I'm going to have to explain this to my dad, and she wanted me to call tonight, but until a few hours ago, I was in no shape to talk to him. I think I'm about ready to just send off that letter I wrote two days before Christmas and be done with it. That said, I'd be cutting ties before I was fully ready to, but I feel like that's the only way out I have. My mom continues to think that I'm unstable and that I need serious professional help and that it's just the fact that I have Asperger's is the cause of all of this. Then she tried to guilt trip me over the fact that she begged and begged my dad to let me even go out here in the first place. That I blame on my dad, and I still don't know how she got him to cave. That said, if I do have that phone conversation with my dad, it's going to turn into a screaming match that will accomplish nothing. My mom doesn't like it or understand it, but I don't see any other option. I'm not going to hell for four months. I can't do it. Class registration begins at 8:00 AM tomorrow, and I'm not sure how I'm going to break the news to them. But I don't care what it takes. I will do whatever I have to in order to stay out here for my own sanity. I wonder if my mom already told him about our phone call earlier, and I hope so, as that will give him a few days to cool off until I have to talk to him. I had signed up to volunteer today a couple weeks earlier to shuttle people back and forth from the University's annual career fair. I wasn't really in any shape to drive, and getting rear ended by some shithead who was too busy fishing for his wallet on the floor of the front seat of his car to realize that I'd stopped to make a left turn sure didn't make matters any better. Ugh, so this means that it's time for drastic measures sooner than I'd expected.
I'd maybe consider trying to emancipate yourself from your parents if you can. You're an adult, and they should treat you as such.
They don't understand that. They think that just because there's money involved that I don't get a say in anything. Now why my aunt thinks that cutting toxic people out of your life is actually "running away from your problems" doesn't make a bit of sense to me, and really, that just means that this is over and the depression and anxiety stemming from them goes away.
They need to understand that you are an adult now, repeat it to them endlessly if you have to, they can no longer compel you to do anything. And if there are financial strings attached, well, you know what you need to do. Declaring independence is always scary, but, as you said, toxic people have forfeited their right to have a say in how you live your life. Their opinions just do not matter.
I just hate it that they're trying to make it seem like I'm mentally ill to try and force me to come home. Knowing my dad, I'm worried that there's a real chance he might come up here and try to drag me back home if I still refuse. If he does that, I will call the police on the spot. That's the definition of kidnapping.
Your story really takes me back to that age. I'll try not to go off again about parents, I've ranted about that enough this week in my other posts. (*hug*) Bottom line is you are an adult and have every right to expect to be treated as one, parents included. If they cannot abide that basic requirement, distance is the only solution. You are not sick because you're gay. It is not mental illness. It has absolutely nothing to do with Asperger's. Your mental and physical safety are your own primary responsibility. Do you live on or off campus? (Don't answer here, just in your head, please.) Contact the campus security so they're aware of your concerns before there is an incident. Odds are, nothing will happen, just be aware and be the responsible adult your parents are not being.
Thanks. I'm not unstable, I'm just upset, angry, and most understandably hurt. I don't see how my mom doesn't realize that my dad is abusive, and a friend of mine told me that even though I'm an adult, if I did go home, the way he treats me is actually considered domestic violence. It's not just intimate partners, though that's usually the way it is, but because it's someone abusing another person in the same home, even just emotionally, it's still considered domestic violence. Now what I see is that everybody outside my family who hears my story says that I'm the one in the right and am not the one being unreasonable here. Everyone in my family is now pissed off at me, and I'm guessing my mom told my dad that I told her that no, I'm not going home willingly, and I'd hate to see his reaction to that. He was probably off like a shot. Now my mom wants me to call him and explain this to him, and 100 bucks says that's not going to go well. So, they're getting the letter I wrote just two days before Christmas explaining why they're being cut out of my life. I just need to be sure I have the liquid courage to do it.
