Last year I came to everyone finally and mostly everyone has been accepting for the most part. But now i feel like certain family members are talking behind my back. Most of my problem is with face book. I would post information on what I am doing with my life and about my relationship. I made sure I was not making anyone uncomfortable for them. My and my boyfriend moved out of state and are living together. He's 45 and I am 23. We are in healthy loving relationship so that is not a issue with us. Our age difference and other issues created problems with in the family we thought it was best for us to move a few states away to give us some peace. After we left parents were forced to deal with our relationship. We later heard my uncle had been telling my ultra conservative homophobic grandparents all about my face book posts which is not a good thing. So I blocked him and blocked all my relatives from seeing my posts. My problem is I don't know who to trust. I don't know what my parents or sisters are telling relatives or saying behind my back which could cause more problems. My relatives have been weird lately when talking to me and I just don't know what to do. My older who is 25 and her husband refuse to acknowledge my sexuality for her own selfish reasons and my younger sister is 18 and is not comfortable with it either. I wish I could nicely ask all my relatives what is going on but I don't wanna seem paranoid or hostile. I need to find a way to clear the air and make sure who I can or can't trust in my family. I know this is a common issue in families and I should just deal with it but I just need some advice.
The problem isn't your sexuality, in my opinion. It pains me to say, cause I know what you must be facing, but the age difference is the problem there. Clearly. It doesn't really matter if you're gay or not, I came to the conclusion that humans know the power that love has and soon or later will understand that youare a better person with the one you love, no matter who is that. BUT, here comes your problem. The fact is that the age difference makes your relatives believe that you aren't really in love with your boyfriend and moving away made things kinda worse. When they see you, far away only by facebook, sharing loving pictures with your 45 y.o. boyfriend, they think: "that hairy bastard is humping my kid". I AM SORRY if I'm being offensive, I don't mean it, but I believe that is what they think. They saw your growing, not a long time ago and now they see you berely mature with an older guy. Do you get what I say? I suggest you to stay strong and give it time. When you both are ready, return to a family reunion and act normally outgoing, shove on everyone's faces that love is love no matter the circunstances. If they still don't understand, then it's time to move on and prepare yourself to live a good part of your life without them. By the way, idk if the rules permit, but help me with me thread. Thanks in advance. http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...not-so-well-planned-but-still-valid-work.html
Thanks. A few of relatives are conservative when it comes to homosexuality in general so I still think that is a factor and my grandparents basically deny it. I never post pictures of my and boyfriend. We are very private people when it comes to pictures and stuff like that. I just post how happy I am and in love I am sometimes and life lessons sometimes. I don't think I am gonna lose contact with my family that is not gonna be a problem it just that the fact some of them are talking about choices behind my back and it kind of makes not wanna talk to them or trust any of them. I don't think losing them is gonna be a problem but who knows what the future holds.
You got same opinion as me, mister Dano. Losing my family isn't gonna hurt too much for me, cause I know that in the future, at least a decade later when I come back, they may not accept my choices, but at least they will respect them.
It is like I finally at a point where I am happy in my life and the people that supported me and cared about me now could care less if I am happy or not. It all about how they feel. My feelings don't even matter as much. I done so much to benefit to others and never did anything for myself that made me happy. It was all about making sure my family and friends were happy and comfortable not me.
That's actually beautiful cause you put them in first place. In my case, I know most of my family is a bunch of asshole that would probably neve rlook mein the same way if I come out to them. Basically assuming this, I put me in first place. Take a look at my thread, you'll understand my current situation a little better: http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...not-so-well-planned-but-still-valid-work.html
Yeah exactly. I am not trying to hate them but I been through so much bullshit just to give up everything so they can be happy with all my decisions. It is mostly my fault. I left town without telling them and when I was on the road two days later I told them I quit my job and moved out of my place. They were heartbroken but I had to leave for my own happiness and safety. I knew if I told them my plans they would to do anything to stop. It was the hardest thing I ever done.
Really, that hard? Cause I plan on doing something similar, to find a job in a bigger city and move there to live my happy love story with a guy and rebuild my life. Start over you know? Make new friends, have a solid co-workers group, go out without any worries... Honestly, I find it hard to do it cause I want to do it because I don't want to come out, not right here and not right now. Will the guy I like ever agree on this crazy plan of mine? I don't believe that and it makes me really sad. All efforts for having someone like you back for having to torture yourself by comming out to a group of family and friends that will treat ou like garbage knowing you're gay...
Yeah your doing it a smarter way though. We just planned on renting a trailer and just leaving. No job lined up or anything. But I figured I been trying to leave for a year or two and nothing is working so I'll just take the risk and leave. Best decision ever.
Honestly, you can't stop homophobic people from believing what they believe, and no amount of blocking/hiding will stop them. You should just stop caring what they believe because they should not be in control of your life as an adult. Of course, it is a challenge to have a relationship with a guy decades older than you because there can be complications in terms of experience and financial independence. Those are legitimate concerns and can be dealt with if you rationally evaluate your relationship, but homophobia is illegitimate.
Thanks. I needed that. I tend to over think things all the time and I think a well needed break from face book is the best thing to do for me. Your right you cannot control or stop what others say or think about about you. The truth is family is never gonna be honest with you either. They are gonna say what makes you happy and does not cause any estrangement or problems with them. They are gonna talk about you when you leave the room and that is just a fact of life we all have to deal with. I know very well how families are and there are no solutions but to put up or shut up. lol
