Family ashamed of me and wanting me to hide it

This is probably going to sound cold, but...

Based on what you've posted, your sister has no power over you. As such, her views and feelings are irrelevant on this matter, except insofar as how much the consequences of ignoring her may inconvenience or bother you. Depends on how you think it may impact your future relationship with her, and how much you care (or don't care, as the case may be). Only you can decide that.

If your dad is paying for school, then he has power over you. How much depends on how much (or if) you can continue your education if he's not paying for it. Again, the answer to that is known only to you.

Worst case scenario is that you can't finish school if he's not paying, no matter what combination of work, student loans, and whatever else you might do. In that case, or in a case that is close to it, I'd suggest that you take a 'biding your time' approach. The benefits of a college education will extend far beyond the relatively short term inconvenience of of taking down a facebook post. You might also look at modifying the post to make your core opinion known without flat out stating your orientation, assuming you had mentioned that somewhere.

In the longer term, you will eventually graduate college and go on to financial independence from your family. At which point you can dance on a float in the Pride Parade while wearing nothing but a jockstrap (with the whole thing being played back on national television) if you want and there's really nothing they can do about it.

If you figure out that you can complete college independent of your dad's money, and determine that you are prepared to deal with the consequences of telling him that, and that you will not be changing your facebook postings for the convenience of anyone, him included, then by all means, stick to your guns and stand up for your right to be out and proud.

My 2c worth,

Todd

 

What if you were straight and posted that it makes no difference it is an important issue regardless and something that you are against. It's something that is important to you and they should respect that and you, respect goes both ways. It is possible though to make those certain posts invisible to them so they don't have to see it and they can do the same on their end. I wouldn't take it down but I would tread lightly and just not bother causing trouble whether nits because of them or not if your dad really will use paying for school against you that is unless you can take care of it on your own.

 

Maybe you should just de-friend your dad on Facebook so he won't see what you post. Or (if that would stir up more drama) adjust the settings so he only sees content that you approve of him seeing. You can customize who sees your posts. I would recommend applying the same restrictions to your sister.

 

Before I came out, I was a big supporter of LGBT rights, and would post frequently on FB about it, your parents need to understand that this is the new age, what you supoprt in public, shouldn't (and doesn't) reflect on those who you haven't come out to yet. I feel that people today who dont support LGBT rights & equality are the same type of people who hated Rosa Parks, or tried to snuff out women's rights. You either change or die with the times

 

I'd do this.

 

Good for u bra fight the power!

 

You don't have to be LGTB to support LGTB rights. My parents are heterosexual and have always supported LGTB rights - long before their daughter came out!

If you didn't outright state your orientation in that post, maybe explain to them that not everyone who supports LGTB rights is LGTB themselves.

 

Not posting anything does not mean you're going back to the closet... Honestly just take it down if it's such an issue for your family. Family first.

 

As a mom of three I would pretty much do anything to protect my children from being hurt -mentally, emotionally, or physically. While I do not necessarily agree with your father's sentiment I can understand where it comes from. He is likely concerned that your life will be more challenging if you were to become openly gay. Can you say he's wrong? If he were than we wouldn't need support groups like this because we'd all be able to go on our merry little ways.

Your family cares about you. You're lucky! Give them some time to adjust their thinking. While I feel you should be able to post whatever you want on your Facebook page you may opt to use the privacy settings to remove your sister's view of select posts. I find it silly that she's concerned about her boss seeing something of yours that she wouldn't want them to see on her page. Who friends their boss on Facebook without knowing something may at some time be posted that connects them to something "inappropriate". It's the internet for goodness sakes!

 

Mister Skov, I myself would want to hide that I'm gay until everything is ready.

You may want to kill me now but I agree with your family. They saw you growing up from a boy to a man not a long time ago and they had some expectations that were "broke" when you came out. They all live in the straight role-modeled family and all their friends probably are in the same position, so I understand what they want from you, but I don't accept.

Read my thread and you'll know my situation better (http://emptyclosets.com/forum/famil...not-so-well-planned-but-still-valid-work.html) but the thing is that untill everyone is ready, things should go slowly. You should give them some distance and actually respect them, cause although it pains me to say, but your family probably gets mocked behind their backs for having a gay in the family.

Don't kill me please (again) but that's how our filthy world works, man. You were born and raised to be a straight guy for everyone. They wanted to see you that way and doesn't matter if they accept cause everyone else has to do the same so they won't get ashamed of you. It's not your fault but most people still think it's family's fault.