So I'm from a nice, moderately wealthy family. Parents love me and all and could care less if I'm gay. My older brother cut ties to the family and my little sister...well... anyways, my older sister and I are close. She is the only one i have come out to, and that took everything I had. The thing that bothers me is, why did it take so much. I am confident that I am gay and have been for a while. I have loving parents that could will continue to love me no matter what. that said, I really just can't get myself to come out to my parents. They are worrying that I'm a druggie or something because I haven't had a girlfriend in years and I want to stop that, but I just feel like I'm letting them down. Ugh, compared to so many people here on EC, my problems are almost blessings, but they still are wearing me down. I've been thinking about this a lot to the point where school work has suffered because I'm trying to research what is wrong with me. As a borderline antisocial person, I always just turn inward and go for runs or play video games or just get mopey rather than talking with someone. It is easier on the internet for some reason. Well I appreciate anyone reading this and once again, I know this is a college kid that has anything he could want just being a b****, but I really do think I need some advice on this. Thanks again.
I'm probably older, but I think I'm similar in that I also have a good relationship with my parents and know they won't be too upset but am still afraid to come out with them. I wish I had better advice, but all I can say is if you think you have a good opportunity to tell them, take it. I think the most likely scenario for me coming out is an accidental slip up on one of those occasions where I'm being pestered about not having a girlfriend. If they think you're a drug addict or something, maybe your parents would actually be relieved to hear that it's because you're gay. Regardless, good luck!
Hey buck, Just hecause it seems you have everything doesnt mean anything if youre feeling all this turmoil. Its not as bad as you may rationalize. If you cant bring yourself to say it face to face, write a letter or record a video. Your family will be supportive and it'll relieve a lot of stress in your life. Don't beat yourself up thinking you have to come out however. Do it when you're ready and the EC community is always a great place to vent if need be. I havent come out to my parents. It doesn't really bother me as we dont have a close relationship. But I always said to myself that if I find myself in a serious relationship, I would come out to them. If not for me, then for my partner. I wouldn't really care what their reaction would be as I think coming out for the person coming out and not for the people theyre coming out for. Anyways, hope it helps!
You may have it well-off compared to other people, but that doesn't mean there aren't simple things that bother you or change your mood. Yes, be thankful for what you have, but don't ignore the fact that you have feelings that are ever-changing, just like every other 17-year old. Why is it hard to come out? you ask - Because it's something that is surrounded by controversy, uncertainty, and negative-feelings in today's society. And on top of that, it is something that is very important to you and who you are. You, like most other gay folks, are bound to feel a bit uncomfortable with coming out to people when you don't have a lot of experience doing it. You're not alone, and there's nothing wrong with being afraid of doing it. Mbanema is right - if an opportunity presents itself, take it. You can take as long as you need to prepare, but chances are you're going to feel 150% better after it's over. Don't worry dude - You're no different than so so so many of us here on EC. We're here for you if you still have concerns. (*hug*)
Hey man - some of us have been in unbelievably ideal situations for YEARS and didn't even come out to ourselves until we were stupid old, so don't even worry about it. And coming out is totally hard and emotionally draining - especially the first time. And, for me, especially when it was to my parents. But it goes, and it passes, and it feels way bloody better once its done. Anyway, hard is hard! Don't discount what you're going through just because it isn't as dramatic as someone else. When you're ready, go for it! (Although I'm rooting for sooner rather than later)
Don't beat yourself up. No matter how ideal your situation might seem, coming out is a very scary thing. You are giving up a piece of yourself that you've held onto your entire life. What I think you'll find, though, is that giving up that piece of yourself (your identity as a straight man) will be a huge relief. It's terrifying to take that step, but it'll pay dividends in the long run. You can do it, man. And if it's any comfort, I was also in an ideal situation with my parents and had the same feelings you do. It's normal. There's nothing wrong with you.
I would like to thank you all for the support. I as well hope to do it sooner than later, but can't make promises that that's what will happen. Plenty of "ideal" moments have passed and all of them I just can't get the words out. As for making a video or writing it down, that also will not work. One thing I have always been proud of is that if I have something important to say, I always say directly to the person face-to-face. I've done that for break-ups, necessary confrontations, or just honestly explaining myself. I do this because I see so much unnecessary drama caused by people not being direct. If I say it to their face, then I have nothing to worry about if I use another method later. It is ironic that most people that know me think I have no secrets about myself, but I am truly just hiding a big one.
If you're otherwise ready to have this conversation with them, why don't you set a deadline for yourself? Or send them an email and ask for a meeting specifically because you want to tell them something that way it's more difficult to back out? You're not letting them down. As a parent the only way I would feel let down is if my children didn't lead the life they want to lead (reasonable exceptions, of course). In fact, your parents may be proud of you for your courage and respect you for following the course that is correct for your life. Look at this another way, if tomorrow you lost the opportunity to tell them forever, would you regret it? Good luck!
