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A question of marriage?

Discussion in 'Family, Friends, and Relationships' started by Theron, Feb 18, 2014.

  1. Theron

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    I don't care if you're gay, straight, whatever. I want any advice I can get.

    I have been dating the same man for eight months. It's not the longest relationship I've ever had, but it's the happiest and healthiest. Recently, he moved in with me because of ongoing health issues I've been having. Even shortly before he moved in, he began joking about asking me to marry him. We haven't even been together a year yet, for me it feels too soon (aside from so much emotional baggage I have holding me back).

    I don't want to push him away or make him feel like I don't love him, but I don't want to rush into anything either. I feel like I can be too needy because of emotional issues I have, and I don't feel like it's fair to trap him with my....crap. I don't know if I'll be ready next week, next month, next year, or ever, but it doesn't mean I don't love him, you know?

    For you married folks, how long did it take you to know the person you married was the one? How long did it take for you to get engaged/married?

    Or for you folks who are not married, how do you keep a close relationship without making one another feel like marriage is a necessity?
     
  2. Ravi-VIXX777

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    Not married but i know some advice, after seeing my crazy parents.

    The first thing is, you should not marry someone you can see yourself living with, you should marry someone you can't live without.

    I feel that the relationship should test the waters before being more committed. Meaning, you two should have to go through some things, because marriage is never always on the 'honeymoon phase'. If you two are able to love the other while having conflict then you are set.

    I would personally wait because you seem to have some commitment issues. Not with him, but you seem like your not ready for it yet, which is normal.

    If you do get married, I will say that the 3 most important things I see that can mess up a marriage are: sex, trust, and communication. If you guys can balance each of those then hooray!

    Cheers!!
     
    #2 Ravi-VIXX777, Feb 18, 2014
    Last edited: Feb 18, 2014
  3. Theron

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  4. Aquaman

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    If you've been a couple for eight months only, and been living together for a very short time, i'd say it is definitely too soon to take such a huge step. With that said, it is probably healthy to talk about it now, but only as a long-term thing. If he jokes when he brings up the subject, then you should be equally playful but at the same time give an honest answer. Maybe you can tell him that you will be the one to propose? Or that you two need to save money first for 2-3 years to throw a big crazy gay wedding? Something like that will make it obvious that you are not saying outright "no," that you do think of a future together, and that you need time.
     
  5. jonnemack

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    I'll be short and simple, but still helpful and honest.

    Marry him, he seems to like you very much. But don't do it right now, same some money and get to know him better, his intimacy and everything. You guys are living together, it's a huge step, getting married is just a symbol to me, a memento of love that you'll carry.
     
  6. AmiBee

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    We'll dating for 8 months seems like a relatively short time and marriage should be a life time commitment. I think you have time to mutually discuss and figure it out. I am married to my wife, but we had been together for over 10 years when marriage became legal in Massachusetts in 2004. I was also 6 months pregnant so we didn't want to wait any longer to get married. If it were legal earlier, we probably would have married a year or two after college. Sorry that my situation isn't analogous so probably isn't very helpful. I do wish you the best of luck.
     
  7. Claudette

    Claudette Guest

    with all this baggage you seem to be carrying.. maybe you could talk to him about it? I mean if he doesn't know, see how it makes him feel.
    Especially if he wants to marry you, tell him to think about all the "baggage". I'm sure if he loves you he'd be accepting of it all, and maybe you could propose you work on the baggage as a couple ^^ like a test of sorts
     
  8. Theron

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    Plenilune, he knows what my baggage is. I was honest about that from early on, although I was vague at first. I've since told him quite a bit more, but not everything. I don't think I'll ever be able to tell him everything.

    I know the biggest hurdle in our relationship is me, not him. I don't want to joke or use excuses, I want to be honest, because even though he's joked around with me a bit, he has turned around and been honest that he would want to marry me.

    It's just, more than anything, I'm scared of doing the wrong thing. It's taken me so long to be happy and healthy (I met him right after I finally started being happy with my life and more accepting of myself), and I just don't want to make a mistake. Our relationship isn't all sunshine and rainbows--we've had two huge fights in eight months, but we've weathered them and come out stronger on the other end. That's more than I can say for past relationships.