im not sure of my sexual orientation but my best friend said she hates gay people and "what theyre doing" whatever that means and idk im just really mad at her and i guess she has a lesbian sister and none of her family talks about her anymore and i think its because shes a lesbian and i really dont know if i want to be friends with her anymore but shes been my best friend for so long and i dont really have many other friends, and also its not her fault she grew up in a homophobic environment?? but like i guess i did too and im not a homophobe so then i guess its kind of her fault.....but i cant tell her that i support lgbt rights because then she'll think im gay and then if i end up not being gay its just gonna cause so many problems for me...and also i dont even know if i can stand to be around someone who is so homophobic,even if we have been best friends for so long...so basically i dont want to be friends with her but i cant just stop being friends with because then ill lose basically all my friends and then ill feel bad because she always says im her only friend and also she might tell people im gay ...and like shes my best friend and i care about her so much but i also kinda wanna punch her
That is a predicament. Personally, I don't like people who disassociate themselves with homophobes. I also hate people who passively let a homophobe speak hate without correcting them or intervening. I think the only real way to bring about a change in people is to have the courage to make an enemy into a friend and do your best to show them that they're wrong about their hate. I say love is the best way to beat hate, and love means never abandoning a friend especially when you know they're on a misguided path. Oh, but if their influence starts to feel toxic or you can't take it anymore let them know you're willing to leave them behind if they don't start showing some respect for you as a person.
I came out to my friend today. Seemed like a homophobic person but was very understanding. Me coming out didnt seen to affect our relationship one bit. Im blessed to have such an understanding and caring friend. I hope the same experience happens with you.
I hope that she's not the friend that will disrespect you for what you are. You are amazing - don't let anyone tell you otherwise. People go through ups and downs. It's through such hard times you find out who really has your back and who doesn't even deserve to be your friend. You wouldn't want their true side to be revealed later when you need to depend on them a lot. It'll ultimately hurt you. With that being said, if you value your friendship a lot, you should also be letting her know kindly that you are who you are. You, as a friend are seeing that she is thinking things on a harsher and less accepting point of view and you should try to encourage her to see things from another point of view. If she remains firmly distasteful of who you are, you need to realize that you've done all you can. One lesson that stuck with me is that you can never change people. You can show them the door, but they ultimately have to be the one to walk through it. Don't let some others pull you down. You need strong people that lift you up and help you grow. Take care! Sorry if I'm a little blunt.
It can be hard to let a friendship go, especially when it is a friendship that has gone on for so long. So, try not to beat yourself up over it. From the sounds of the anger in this post, I'd say that you are still mad at her? Is there any reason that you are still talking to her? Will you lose anything if you cut her off? If the answer to both of those is no, then it may be time for you to cut her out of your life.
The problem with toxic people is that they have a habit of bringing down everyone they’re around. Just being around a toxic person can be emotionally draining – especially if you’re indirectly in the line of her fire by being of the group that she seems to hate. You could try to ignore this part of her, but that can only do so much. No matter how much you try to ignore it, it’s going to get to you one way or another. I think you should tell her that these things she’s saying are hurtful. Hurtful to you, hurtful to other people, and hurtful to herself. That last point bears repeating: She is hurting herself by hating a group of people. Usually when people speak down to another group of people, the hateful feelings are things they really feel about themselves. Rather than acknowledge the hate they have for themselves, they project it out onto other people. It’s a coping mechanism. I would challenge her next time she says something. - Why do you think that? - What have they done to you? - Who put this idea into your head? - How is this hate toward others benefiting you – or anyone else? - What does it feel like to harbor all of this hate towards people you don’t even know? See if she can answer those questions.
I agree with Simple Thoughts. A lot of the times when someone is a homophobe it is just because they simply don't understand gay people. I have a pretty conservative friend who I used to get into major arguments over gay rights and stuff like that but once I came out to him (I was his first gay friend) he had a change of heart. Am I saying this will be the case for you, no. I am just trying to convey that some people have no grounds as to why they dislike gay people so once they find out someone who they have known for 10 years is gay it puts the whole thing into perspective.
