Why does it feel like whenever I talk about being bisexual, even only in the context of discussing a past relationship and letting a pronoun slip, my gay friends and the few gay family members I have get visibly irritated? It's not fair, because straight people react exactly the same way. What's up with that?
Eh, being bisexual can get a bit of a negative reaction from both straight people and gay people because of the misconception about them being confused or not making up their mind or etc. I've heard that some gay folks feel that bisexuals are, you know, kind of OK, don't have the same struggle, because they have one foot in the straight door, if that makes sense. It's nonsense in my opinion, but nonetheless, that's some of the 'logic' behind it.
Yeah, but we only have that foot in the straight door if we choose to--if we insist on being out then we can't hide behind heterosexual privilege?? Maybe. But most of us aren't out because of the negativity, so it's kind of a double-bind there. ---------- Post added 21st Feb 2014 at 11:37 AM ---------- I guess we make it look like a choice (to straight people), which is damaging to the fight for LGBT rights as well.
someone i know feels that way also. he says quit being greedy, pick a side already. he is also alone and well...an itchy-B.
Gah, so sad. You don't have to be friends with people who get angry with you for existing and not lying about your orientation if you don't want to. Hugs. My orientation never comes up, but that's because I'm a hermit. I still see the biphobia all around though, and even my cousin seemed a bit iffy on it (she's gay).
I think also there's a stereotype that bisexuals can't be monogamous - they need regular sex with both genders.
It's funny, I used to call myself asexual because I didn't need sex at all. I feel attraction but I don't enjoy sex itself with either gender. There are many ways to be bisexual, I guess. Strange people think we're any more needy than other people. Complicated for sure. And maybe we have more relationships, and maybe more gray area relationships...but I don't know...I just don't get when or why it became a dirty word. Haha! I turned into a hermit too! But biphobia still hurts from a distance, in the media, etc.
I don't get the hate for bisexuals. It's so counter-productive if you ask me. Anyone who identifies gay, but can't accept someone as bisexual should just write 'hypocrite' on their foreheads, because they're engaging in the same behavior and activities they wanna rally about >.> Personally though, I don't really think I've met anyone who was overly biphobic. I've met homophobic people, but not so many biphobes. Guess I'm lucky
I just recently read an article about that Bisexuals: putting the B back in LGBT | Marcus Morgan | Comment is free | theguardian.com
Thank you both and thanks for the link to the article! Sorry if it seems I'm feeling a bit sorry for myself. It's just that like everyone else who lived in a conservative town, I was bullied when I was in same-sex relationships as a young teen. But because I was always viewed as just another straight ally, I didn't really have the support of the community. Maybe I came out too young. I don't know. There are signs though that bisexuals are starting to develop independent support networks, which would have been sooo helpful to me ten years ago.
You are correct that it's a double bind. And it's an extremely harmful situation created uniquely by the gay and lesbian communities, and something they are going to have to figure out internally by themselves. Basically, multisexual-hating gays and lesbians are negative because "we" aren't out of the closet, but the second we come out, they treat us terribly because they had bad experiences in the past (and are committing the hasty generalization fallacy) with infidelity. As a result, we stay in the closet, resulting in being criticized for that (for example, by shitbag Dan Savage). In addition, I have pointed this out to gay and lesbian folks here on EC repeatedly, and some of them have been repeatedly unreceptive. In case there is any further doubt about the problem, here you all go. I encourage monosexuals in particular to look at this: [youtube]YDNtNqvS6tw[/youtube]
Yes! This video! Wow. Dan Savage's attitude, basically that we are all "whiners," which I've heard even on this forum, really stings. I came out when I was thirteen. I was bullied. I lost a lot of friends. And I didn't just come out for myself, I started conversations at school with teachers about homophobic language, put up posters, tried to start a queer alliance, got politically active, etc. Consequently I opened the door for some gay kids at my school to come out. And because I never fit in to the right boxes, I was always very close to transgender kids when everyone else was being mean. But what do I get back from the community? I get told my sexual orientation doesn't exist! Thanks for the support and I hope this isn't offensive to anyone. I'm just so sad. I'm not afraid of coming out to straight people in the least--I've done it before, I've been told I'm going to burn in hell, I've been told I need therapy to fix me (and I've done therapy to fix me, actually; the therapist said my homosexual impulses were a "reaction" to childhood abuse). What I'm afraid of now is coming out to gay and lesbian friends, particularly those over forty. Thanks for caring about bi-visibility. We have to think of the younger generation, about sending out the message that it's OK to be bi! It really is!
Oh, my. Why is it so hard for some people to accept variety. We're millions over the earth, and we still need the Neanderthal conception of labelling.
I have no problem with bisexuals. I did just notice this problem though too, and I think it's dumb. It's not an "us against them" fight and bisexuals aren't having problems "choosing sides." It's a dumb mentality really. Labels shouldn't matter.
So true, AnnaD. And thanks Beetle. It does seem like this problem has gotten a lot worse over the past five years or so. Maybe it's just me. But in high school I dated a few lesbians who had no problem with bisexuality (the worst I got was a puzzled look and maybe a laugh or a good-natured "girl, you're crazy") but as an adult I've noticed it's become kind of trendy to hate on bi's. Which may be a contributing factor to me settling with a male partner. In any case, thank you for not following the trend. It is super dumb. Plus, we make up about half of the LGBT population, so we're a pretty important part of that coalition. Not to mention the fact that we're like double agents among heterosexuals and have great potential to fight homophobia from within "straight" society. I really appreciate your understanding and compassion so very much!
Very well put by Anna Paquin: On identifying as bisexual: "I'm sure for some people saying they’re bisexual feels less scary than making a statement that they're gay. For me, it’s not really an issue because I’m someone who believes being bisexual is actually a thing. It’s not made up. It’s not a lack of decision. It’s not being greedy or numerous other ignorant things I’ve heard at this point. For a bisexual, it’s not about gender. That’s not the deciding factor for who they’re attracted to”
I am honestly not sure what to think about bisexuals. I feel as if it is a transformation stage, but I know that is only a part of it. If humans can be attracted to solely to either gender, then why not both. It must be another thing that happens at birth. Nonetheless, I think it is wrong to judge someone on sexual orientatio0n anyways, so my opinion on the matter should make no difference. Keep being yourself.
