After about a half year of spending time thinking through my sexuality, I finally decided to talk to my mother about it yesterday. It turns out that...I made one of the worst choices in my life. :bang: My mom said that there's no such way that I can be a lesbian (I said that I might be bisexual, though) because I did not look and act like one since little. She started screaming and yelling at me that homosexual people are ok unless they were one of her family members. Mom also cried of how disgusting and weird monster I am. When my mom calmed down, she said that I am just making up a crazy story because I am gullible or tired from work. This is how she concluded her argument: "Human beings have males and females, and that's the way the nature works. Homosexual people are completely different from us, so you're not a lesbian or anything. You're just a normal girl who is going to marry your perfect man some day." I honestly was, and still am, shocked about her negative reaction. She has never been religious or extremely homophobic. I came out to her because I trusted her, but now all I can think of is to get out of this house as soon as possible. Am I just...confused? Am I faking my sexuality? I can't live with this unhappy feeling forever.
(*hug*)(*hug*)(*hug*) No, you are not confused. Your mother is. Confused, shocked and in denial . I am very sorry you had to listen to that (*hug*) There is absolutely nothing wrong with you.
Your mom sounds like the one who is confused. That whole "human beings..." quote seriously underlines the fact that she has no idea what she is talking about. She's probably trying to come to terms with it, but you know that whole "seven stages of grief" thing. First comes the denial, then the others follow suit until it ends with acceptance. Try not to let her words get to you. Deep down, you know who you are. That's what matters. Give her some time, prepare for possibilities of what she may say or do, but most importantly just live your life.
May I ask are you lesbian or bi-sexual or confused? If you worded it something like ' I think I may be into girls as well' then she might feel that if she shouts then suddenly you will only go out with boys and she can scare you into it. Sounds crazy, but many people don't understand sexuality to have rational judgements. Try and talk to her after a few days and report back to tell us what she said.
Congrats on having the courage to speak to your mother even if things didn't go as well as could be hoped. Your mother was likely thrown off guard and a bit shocked if she hasn't seen any signs before now. You said you've been considering your sexuality for half a year ago you can likely understand that acceptance can take a little while. Give her a bit of time and space and see if she comes around. Good luck and be sure to keep us updated with how things go!
Thank you everyone! I don't think now is a good time to talk about it, since she still seems extremely distracted. Hopefully I'll get a time to talk to her again, but I don't know when to do so yet. ;_; Plus I am not sure what will happen if I mention this issue again.
i think she is confused and in denial. some parents feel they have done something wrong, for you to be the way you are but it's no ones fault.you are who you are. you deserve to be happy.
Try E-mailing her some research from universities. Conclusive stuff. That's what I'm planning on doing, at least.
Congrats on coming out to her! I'm sorry though about the way she reacted. I know that sucks. My dad said pretty much the same thing to me when I came out to him. It sucks, but it honestly gets better with time.
I don't think you need to give her any evidence or anything. What you saw is classic "stages of loss" processing, something everyone goes through when they have a loss (in this case, loss of perception that you're straight.) The stages are denial-anger-bargaining-grief-acceptance, and her response is a classic denial-anger response. (The stages aren't always sequential, but anger is usually at or near the beginning of the process.) My guess is she'll be doing some web research, thinking, crying, and considering, and over the next week or two or three, there will be more conversation, some 'bargaining" ("Well, maybe you're bi, but you're definitely not a lesbian") and she'll eventually accept it. The only concern is... if you're really lesbian and you told her you're bi, then you're probably prolonging the agony because if she's like most parents shel'll cling for dear life to the idea that you might be on the "straight" side of bi, and end up with a guy. So the sooner you let her know you're a lesbian, and not bi, the sooner you can help her accept you. It sucks to feel that sort of rejection, and I know it hurts. Remember that you've done nothing wrong, and you are who you are and no one can tell you differently. In the meantime, we're all here to listen, talk, and help.
Just give her some time, but don't completely ignore her. Be calm and collected and offer to answer any questions she has. Here's one resource: Sexual Orientation
There's nothing wrong with you, it's your mother that's in the wrong. For example her comments about homosexuals and humans? It's a form of dehumanization, a strong, angry-denial. Don't let others make you think you're confused or "faking" your sexuality. Don't let others force you back into the closet.
